Light of the World

Do you think a streetlamp knows how much light it gives the street and houses it illuminates?

Or maybe it feels lost in the darkness - especially if it is on a lonely country road without another streetlamp nearby.
What about the sun? Does it feel closed in, surrounded by darkness? So far from the nearest light-emitting star, is it lonely for the light?
I wonder.
Do you remember a few years ago when it made the international news that Mother Theresa of Calcutta admitted to feeling very "abandoned" by God - that indeed, she lived in darkness, and that darkness was agonizing. If you read much about some of the great saints, you will quickly discover that they frequently described long periods of spiritual aridity. One common thread running through each of their stories, certainly including Mother Theresa's, is the knowledge they each knew in their heart and clinged to their entire lives - that God is with them at all times. All Times. All Times, Forever. Each saint described this darkness as a "test”, a "gift," even - unwanted, unsolicited, but a gift all the same. Back to Mother Theresa - I read the book Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light: The Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta. Yes, she does describe the spiritual darkness that she felt through most of her missionary life. In that story, she asked for, begged for the gift of humility. In countless ways great and small she debased her physical self in order to experience "humility." The story is a compilation of her correspondences with her confessor - never, never imagining and never never never desiring that these personal thoughts be published. They were, and are, personal correspondence between a child and her spiritual mentor.

That being said, and reading the book in light of that fact (perhaps no one but old fashioned Catholics can understand the spirit and fact of the relationship between humble religious and confessor/mentor), I was humbled. I was moved to prayer, I was moved to try to follow in Jesus' steps - wherever they may lead. All without expectation of reward. All without 'tooting my own horn' and calling attention to my "good deeds.” Truly, doing good deeds under the cover of darkness. Testing my own mettle in asking for the ever elusive "humility."

In all and through all, meditating on dear Mother Theresa - seemingly so adrift on an ocean of darkness, in the dark - and not being able to swim...
Then it occured to me that the darkness WAS in answer to her ardent prayer request for HUMILITY. The perfect foil to our human vanities - a seemingly non-caring parent (God). Imagine if your precious child brings you a scribbled picture he labored on for hours with crayon and pencil - a valentine just for you, from him - and you turned your back on him, ignored his handiwork, not acknowledging the work of his precious little hands...now that's a dark dark picture. How better a way for God to gift us with humility - if we are brave enough to ask and strong enough to receive?
I think that's why only the great saints talk about that darkness - it's so deep and unrelenting, that maybe only those that God knows are strong enough and are able to withstand the torture and still remain faithful to HIM. The darkness described by Mother Theresa, St Theresa the Little Flower, St John of the Cross, etc.. IS the perfect Humiliation.

Now, about the light.
Mother Theresa was a pure vessel through which Christ's Light shined. Only in purging her of all sense of her own self, could the Lord create such wondrous purity through which to shine. Oh, He shines through us all...just not as bright, just not as pure. Our 'selves' divert the perfect Light and only allow some light to shine through. We are imperfect vessels.
Mother Theresa was engulfed in darkness, yet she shined bright as that streetlamp on a lonely country road. Bright as the sun.
She illuminated all around her with the perfect light of Christ for whom she emptied her entire self - so that we could better see Him, and know Him through her work on earth.
Through the humility of losing herself, she radiated for us the perfect light of Christ.

Embrace the darkness and be the suns that emit the Christ's light to a sad and gloomy world.
We are the Light of the World; let our lives shine before men.