Eight-Day Silent Retreat

Eight days of silence. — July 1 to July 8. No talking. I was silent as I attended an 8-day retreat. And to think I actually paid to go on a retreat to not talk. 

I will be honest and tell you that I did not score a perfect 100% in the “totally silent” part of the retreat, but I did manage to keep quiet 98% of the time. I had been assigned to a cabin with three other women, one of whom was a close friend. The temptation to talk about what I was discovering was just too great. So I broke silence a few times. 

But even with my little indiscretion, the Lord was present in my silence. God’s presence surrounded me in nature, in prayer and in all of the quiet those 8 days. 

I know many who read this will ask, “why did you go on an 8-day, silent retreat? Couldn’t you find anything better to do with your vacation time?” 

The nearly 190 hours of silence I experienced was wonderful, breathtaking, relaxing, inspiring and worth every penny. I am happy I took the time to hear God’s voice. I needed this time of reflection as the perfect ending to five years of darkness in my life. 

Here are some of the things I learned:

• I came to understand myself better. I had time to examine the last five years of my life which included my mother’s death, my time with cancer and my own divorce. In striving to know myself and to understand my faults, my life has more meaning because I see what I need to change. 
• I was able to take time to write down times in my life I was wounded. I then sought God’s help to forgive those who had wounded me. This gave me freedom to move on without hurting any longer.
• I saw my 20-year marriage through a different lens. Up to this point, the only thing I saw was “failure” — but in prayer and silence, I understood things differently. I understood that my ex-husband and I had offered an abundance of love to two girls we had adopted. We both still loved our daughters unconditionally and they had both grown up to be loving, compassionate women. That was not failure. 
• I learned that God would truly never abandon me nor forsake me. In the silence of nature, I could see these little birds, squirrels and deer had enough food to survive. God had protected me through the grief of losing my mom, through my time with breast cancer and through my ex-husband’s infidelity. My soul had joy in the silence of knowing His Word. Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 

I’ve learned these last six years that silence is the language of the Holy Spirit. Psalm 62:5 “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.” 

Eight days of silence brought me grace and gratitude. I was able to give thanks for having a wonderful mother, for having a 20-year marriage with two daughters, and for regaining my health. I was thankful to God for all He had done and provided. And it all came through the silence of spending 8 days in nature and in prayer. Giving myself this time and space to be silent with God moved me from darkness into light.

And now I move on to show others the light.