My Online Dating Mistake

Admittedly, I was reluctant to try online dating at the age of, well, my age. 

After a lengthy marriage of 20+ years, two adopted children and a mortgage, online dating is not where I thought I’d find myself. After thoughtful consideration, talking to a few priests, and then waiting for an annulment, I decided to jump in to online dating. Head first. 

Middle-age online dating seemed simple enough. It couldn’t be too complicated. There wasn’t much I needed to do to prepare, other than gather a few photos (recent photos, please), write a short introduction about myself and sign up. Ready. Set. Go.

I wanted to try Catholic dating websites because, you guessed it, I’m Catholic. I signed up with Ave Maria Singles and CatholicMatch. The first seven months were somewhat uneventful. Honestly, I was a little gun shy after being married for 20 years. I wondered if I was even “date-able”. It took some time to regain my self esteem after my divorce, but I thought I was ready.

Then came my first “real break” in the world of online dating. A real, genuine Catholic man sent me a virtual bouquet of flowers online. It was a Sunday afternoon when his “virtual flowers” arrived and I was thrilled! I said, “thank you” for the flowers. He replied, “You are very kind and sweet, thanking me for "virtual flowers". I would love to give you real ones, just to be able to admire that smile of yours.”

I never received the real ones. 

Three weeks into the “online relationship” I met my Prince Charming. He invited me to his hometown to attend a Christmas Concert being held at the local Catholic Cathedral. Our first date consisted of spending a Sunday together, attending the Christmas concert and then he prepared a beautiful meal at his home. 

It was all simply magical to me. He held my hands in his hands and prayed the Catholic blessing before we ate dinner. He was so “Catholic” and such a perfect gentleman. He even had a picture of the Blessed Virgin sitting on his countertop. His brother was a priest. Had God provided me the perfect man on this Catholic dating website?

I was blown away. When I left Monday morning, we parted with a simple kiss. I floated all the way during my 3-hour drive home. Yes, that was my 1st mistake. I drove 3 hours to meet a man who I thought was “Prince Charming,” and spent the night at his house (my 2nd mistake). It was a stupid mistake and I will never do it again. 

That Monday night, I received a phone call from him when I got home from work. I was excited to hear his voice again and recount the concert we had attended. The music, the singing, the atmosphere had all been perfect. Had he been as enamored with the evening as I had been?

I was greeted with a harsh voice. I could tell he was mad. He said he had a few words to share with me. I listened intently because I thought our date had been perfect. What did he need to share with me?

In a tense voice, he shared that when I left Monday morning my actions concerned him. He had sensed anger in me. Before I left, I had asked him for a cup of coffee. It was 6:00 a.m. when I had planned to leave, but we had talked about that. I had simply asked him for a cup of coffee before I got on the road.

What I didn’t know was the fact that during the 16 years that he had been single after his divorce, he didn’t make coffee until 6:20 a.m. That was his schedule. I had asked him to deviate from what he did every day. 

That one action of mine was irreconcilable in his eyes. The fact that I wanted coffee 20 minutes earlier than he was prepared to serve me ruined his image of me. It was wrong, he said, that I would not wait until he was prepared to serve me. 

I hung up from that phone call in tears. I simply could not believe this was happening to me and this conversation had taken place. Is this what I had to look forward to now that I was dating again? Was I going to walk on egg shells every time I asked for a cup of coffee or a glass of water or a beer in someone’s home? I was so grateful I hadn’t asked for my usual Half & Half that morning. 

Being single after 20 years of being married has been tough. It’s now been 5 years since my husband left our marriage. There have not been any significant relationships since my “coffee mistake”. I’ve gone on dates, but nothing has developed. And now I’ve been on CatholicMatch for two years. 

But it’s ok. I’ve taken on the attitude that Christ is my best friend, my confidante, my spouse. I seek truth in Christ and in my faith. I am being allowed this time alone in my life to seek Christ and God has used my solitude to reveal Himself to me. I’m so happy I’ve let God in and let him be present to me while I’m single again.  

And He has shown me there are no online dating mistakes.