Roman Catholicism in Western Europe: Present Day
Where is God In All of This?
Jill Frankenberry
Around 2003, my (then) 16 year old daughter began to exhibit signs of underlying psychosis. She had been a “difficult” toddler and young child; by age eight through 13 she seemed fine (to me), lots of therapists and a couple of child psychiatrists – no one had an answer for what I saw, what I knew, what I did not understand. How did I raise her? With unconditional love, enormous patience, studying and reading everything I could, and a constant presence 24/7. She had a safe, secure, beautiful childhood. When she went into her teens, she often told me that she wished she could have stayed a child.
She was raised a strong Christian. During the last months of her life, she wore a cross, she read the Bible, and she was most likely begging God to help her. Her illness was quite complex: schizo-affective with bipolar tendencies; in the last weeks, the bipolar mania was so bad she would pace the house while trying to assure me that “nothing is wrong”.
The day I am finishing this post is my birthday: Valentine’s Day, 2015. On my birthday in 2011, I did the stupidest thing I have ever done: I took my daughter into a sporting goods store. She learned where to buy a shotgun. Sixteen days later, she used my credit card to buy one; she climbed into the back seat of her Grand Cherokee, loaded one slug into the gun, and put it to her head.
WHERE IS GOD in all of this? When I feel more comfortable in this forum of writers, I will tell you about the apparition of the Blessed Mother that I had when I was dying at age five, I will tell you the number she gave me (23) and how I spent my entire life trying to make sense of her message. When my daughter hit age 23, with her rapidly and complex psychosis, I knew what that number REALLY meant. She left me on the 2nd day of the 3rd month; she called me (I had given her my cell phone) at 3:02 PM and 4:23 PM. About three to five minutes after her last phone call, I stood up from the couch, I KNEW what had happened.
So: I ask God: WHERE ARE YOU and WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Far too many people who love God, who have gotten as close as possible to God, are afraid to admit that they ask this question. It takes courage and great faith in His eternal love because, were He not loving, would He not reject us for questioning Him?
We must always “test the spirits”…this is NOT a “casual” suggestion, it is extremely important, perhaps the single most important thing in the New Testament except for the words of Jesus, Himself. Do not follow blindly; do not expect your faith and commitment to guarantee you an “easy” path because IT WILL DO EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. Matthew 10:34: "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”
My sweet angel, here’s one for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRxsdAnV3oM
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About the Author
I was born in Manhattan and raised in Greenwich Village. At age five, I had double pneumonia and (what was later, in my adulthood, diagnosed as pericarditis). I was too ill to be put into the hospital. At that time (1952-1953) there were no pediatric wards. One day I had a near death experience. I saw the Blessed Mother (I called her the Blessed Mommy as a young child and was quite devoted to her). She warned me about my life; she told me it would be quite difficult, that my heart would be “broken”, and that God would never abandon me. The experience is impossible to relate except to say this: there was a “glow” around her that was physical; her voice was not merely a voice, it was the single most soothing sound: ocean waves, symphonies, can’t even describe it. My earthly mother saw me in this condition and shook me violently. I remember this vividly. I opened my eyes and said to her, “Leave me alone. I want to stay with the lady.” She and I discussed this many times during my adult life. That vision, NDE, or whatever it was, changed my life. I knew something cataclysmic would occur in my lifetime; I always thought it would be a worldwide event. I was wrong: it was a personal event. Without the Blessed Mother’s assurance, I would not have survived that personal event.
At age nine, my father left. When I was 10 years of age, he died mysteriously. My earth mother then passed me on to my Aunt and Grandmother who lived on Sullivan Street in Little Italy (the west part of Little Italy). Across the street was the shrine church of Saint Anthony, who has become a lifelong friend and has done many amazing things in my life. I attended the St. Anthony school and then went on to parochial high school.
I have travelled a great deal in my lifetime. In the past two years, I have been to Europe four times: Papal General Audience 9/18/2013; Paris, sacred shrines (Nevers, Lisieux, etc.), Lourdes (three times), Fatima once. Last September I spent the entire month in Italy and stayed five days and nights in Lourdes because the mother of Jesus is also my mother.
I have had visions my entire life (no, I am not mentally ill; of this I am certain). I have seen things, been given information intended only for me, and have had miraculous occurrences that are almost impossible to believe.
I lost my only child, my daughter April, on March 2, 2011. The timing involved and the date itself, as well as her age at the time (23), corresponded with the number the Blessed Mother gave me at my age five: 23. I would like to share some of these remarkable events to help strengthen the faith of anyone who is in need. I thank you for the opportunity to do so.
I have recently a published book of poetry, "The Milky Way Streets"
