Confession Woes: Too Scrupulous … Too Often … Too Long?

“There’s gotta be a better way!”

Those were the words of a friend (a fellow Catholic) after I recounted how, a few days earlier, I had tried to go to confession … but got bumped!

“That’s exactly what I was thinking!” I replied.

As Catholics, we have the oldest, most beautiful, purest and most truthful Christian faith — anchored, by grace, in the sacraments.

The sacrament of Penance (also known as Reconciliation and, less formally, confession) is, itself, beautiful and, once inside the confessional, orderly (consistently beginning with “Bless me Father, for I have sinned”). But the process of actually getting in to receive the grace of God’s forgiveness can be, at times, a bit, shall we say, untidy? Allow me to elaborate….

‘Bumped’ (But No Free Voucher)

Like some Catholics, I go to confession sometimes at a place where I’m not known personally by the priest (allowing me to be more anonymous). So, although I’m a member of a different parish, last month I opted to go back to the church of my childhood (where I was baptized, received First Communion, gave my first confession and went to school for grades 1–3). A couple previous times, I had encountered no long lines; plus, just getting back there every so often feels nice.

First, I confirmed via the parish’s website that confession times were the same. Upon arriving, a few minutes after the scheduled start time, I heard mumbling coming from inside the confession room (not unusual).

“Somebody’s already in there,” I thought to myself. Glancing around the church, I wondered: “Who’s next? The woman sitting in the middle of the pews with, presumably, her two sons? The couple of people sitting in an opposite corner? A few other random individuals scattered in various pews? Who’s to know?”

So, I entered a pew to kneel and pray … while giving an occasional over-the-shoulder glance and keeping an ear toward the confessional (only, mind you, to confirm ongoing mumbling — not, God forbid, to overhear anything!).

A couple times, I heard the door open and close (along with more mumbling). Meanwhile, time kept ticking down closer to the end of the allotted time — until it became obvious: I wasn’t going to get in.

At a couple other churches where I’ve gone to confession (or, in one case, tried to — but also got “bumped”), some of the faithful formed what could be described as a makeshift line — but even then it was hard to know for sure. Thus, my more recent failed attempt wasn’t necessarily out of the ordinary.

If this has been my experience (more than once), surely others have encountered something similar (for the same thing must be playing out, weekly, in churches everywhere). It raises the question: Why is trying to go to confession — actually getting inside — sometimes so disorderly … disorganized … downright difficult?

Problems, Causes and Potential Remedies

At many parishes, weekly confession times are for only around a half hour to 45 minutes before the Saturday Vigil Mass. If one arrives promptly at the start, he or she might stand a chance of making it inside.

Thus, the first problem: Opportunities for confession might be too limited (and consideration should be given to expanding time blocks). True, many church bulletins invite people to contact a priest to schedule a personal appointment for confession; but most people, I suspect, tend to go at prescheduled times.

Next: The cueing up for confession is often unclear, disorganized or non-existent at many (possibly most) churches. It’s confusing …
“Are you next?”
“Were you here before I was?”
“Should I let the little old lady go before me even though I was here 10 minutes before her?”
“Who’s next?!”

Lastly and possibly most importantly (because it exacerbates the first two problems): Some Catholics might be too scrupulous … going to confession too often … and taking too long. These three “too’s” impact other people’s chances of going to confession.

If someone truly is in a state of mortal sin, they should go to confession, of course. Outside of grave sin, however, the Catechism of the Catholic Church advises: “Each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year” (preferably during the Easter season). It goes on to say that more frequent (weekly or monthly) confession of venial sins, while not “strictly necessary,” is recommended as good for the penitent in helping form one’s conscience, fend evil tendencies, heal and grow in mercy.

The overly scrupulous should know, however, that one’s participation in the celebration of the Mass itself affords one the grace of forgiveness of venial sins (source: Religion: Doctrine and Practice).

Once inside the confessional, a penitent should give a sincere, humble and entire confession. But he or she should be mindful of other people waiting — and try to not take an undue amount of long (a suggestion that’s likely music to the ears of some priests).

To achieve such orderliness, some people might need reminders. Upon their arrival, providing written instructions (outlining standard confession parameters) could help. The guidelines (and bulletin notices) might also include the reminder: Participation in Mass absolves one of venial sin (making those without mortal sin worthy of receiving the Holy Eucharist).

As for the confusion (“Who’s next?”) sometimes encountered outside the confessional: Parishes might consider assigning a representative to serve as, effectively, a host/hostess. He or she could greet people upon their arrival … ask them if they are there for confession … and, if so, direct them to sit in a designated line. This facilitator could even escort people in when it’s their turn. If it’s slow (with not many people waiting), he or she could also keep the priest apprised (giving him peace of mind if he — not the confessor — wants to spend a little extra time with someone).

Is This Satirical … or Serious?

When I first started writing on this topic, I thought it might evolve into a lighthearted, almost tongue-in-cheek piece about my “confession woes.” After all, getting Catholics to conform (outside of Mass) is akin to herding cats, right? So, how could anyone seriously criticize confession? Plus, I thought, unless I were obviously kidding some people surely would accuse me of nitpicking.

Ultimately, however, I’m being quite serious. If we are to believe what we read about more people nowadays converting to Catholicism (a great thing), it logically follows that more of them will be going to confession. If so, the problems described here are only going to get worse. Thus, it’s all the more reason to: 1. Make confession times more plentiful; 2. Make waiting more organized; and 3. Remind people of protocol.

It was mildly frustrating, last month, getting “bumped” (for the second time in three recent attempts). But ascribing it to God’s plan to make “all things work together for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28), this essay might be considered a positive outcome (especially if it inspires beneficial change). Either that’s true … or else this is just a thousand words of satire. I sincerely hope it’s not the latter … because, like my Catholic friend said, “There’s gotta be a better way!”