Listen to God's Heartbeat In Prayer

"How's your prayer life?" I remember being asked. I looked at my friend in surprise and asked, "Are you talking to me?" I knew she was, but I was stalling for time, because I didn't pray. "I volunteer at the church. Isn't that prayer enough?" She persisted, "That restlessness you've been moaning about is because you have no prayer life!" "Yeah, right!" I said dripping in sarcasm. Still, my restlessness got worse! Better reconsider and give this praying thing a chance, I thought. It can't get any worse.  

"How do I pray?" I asked. My friend suggested I start by setting a place aside in my home - a prayer space -- where I would pray. My translation - It's time to go shopping for a prayer table! Walmart had a great little side table and pretty tablecloth. The local Catholic bookstore had a beautiful standing crucifix and a print of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. At Marshalls I found the perfect frame for my Gethsemane print. From the corner of my eye, I saw a beautiful crystal bowl that I could use as a prayer bowl - dropping in the names of the people who asked for prayers. I arranged the prayer table in the corner of my bedroom. I set a chair beside it and re-upholstered its seat cushion to match the new tablecloth. Perfect!

One morning, my husband sitting on the edge of the bed putting on his socks and shoes, shook and shook the bed while I was trying to sleep. "Can't you sit on the chair to put on your shoes?" I snapped. He looked over to the chair by the prayer table, then looked back at me, and said, "That place is too holy to sit at!" Truth be told, it had been six months since I arranged the space and I had yet to sit there myself!  

Why is it so hard to pray? Yes, life is busy -- hurried, pressured, and distracted -- days begin and end without one thought of God. Truly, that's not the whole story. Dare I say it - sometimes praying is boring. It's not that I don't want to pray, but other things peak my interest. I'm checking e-emails and Facebook, texting my friends, and watching the news all before I eat breakfast! I drive listening to the radio, talking on the cell phone, and planning my day's to-do list. I get home and turn on the television again, catch up with my husband, and power down by watching Netflix. The spiritual writer Henri Nouwen said it best, "I want to pray, but I also don't want to miss out on anything - television, movies, socializing with friends, drinking in the world."  

The restlessness continues and nothing satisfies deeply. God places in every heart the desire to seek him. We ache for God. The wonder of prayer is that it is God who speaks first calling each person to this mysterious encounter with Himself. (CCC 2591) "Prayer has a single aim: to draw us and our loved ones into deeper intimacy with Christ; it is prayer that opens us up ... that we hear God say to us, 'I love you.' For only that can make us whole," explains Fr.Ronald Rolheiser.  

Prayer is truly a discipline. St. Teresa of Avila advises to persevere in the struggle:  "We must have a determination to never give up prayer."  The devil will do all he can to trick us into believing that we are wasting our time in prayer and that there are many more noble and worthy pursuits that should override prayer." Park Avenue advertising tells us, "Why do something if your heart isn't in it?" Prayer has an ebb and flow. At times our hearts are burning and sometimes our emotions flat line. The lesson from all the great mystics is that you show up for prayer and you show up regularly regardless of how you feel today. Fidelity to prayer reveals our abiding commitment to friendship and intimacy with Christ despite feelings and mood to the contrary. 

At the Last Supper the Gospel writer, John, depicts the Beloved Disciple as resting on the breast of Jesus, hearing Jesus' heartbeat. This image is an icon of intimacy and oneness describes Fr. Rolhesier: "When our ear is pressed to God's heart - to the breast of all that is good, true, and beautiful - we hear a certain heartbeat and we remember..... at a place beyond thought, that we were once gently kissed by God." Here then is our deepest longest. To feel that kiss again, to hear God's heartbeat, we need prayer.  

P.S. I eventually sat in the chair. With practice and perseverance, in the ebb and flow of my seasons of prayer, I can hear God's heartbeat.

Journaling with Jesus

What restlessness in your life has kept you from hearing God's heartbeat?

What do you need to do to quiet yourself to experience God's presence in prayer?