Jesus asked his disciples - What are you looking for? What do you want?

During a recent silent retreat, I was asked to reflect and write on John1: 36-39. Jesus asked his disciples, what do you want? What are you looking for? This question is a powerful question to dive down into your soul and and explore your deepest desire. Your God-given purpose.

So, I answered Jesus’ question, and wrote this:

I’m looking for home. I feel separated ever since I left your Divine, creative hands. Nothing of this world fills entirely. Nothing of this world fits perfectly. There are pieces of joy, gratitude and peace when I’m fully in the present moment serving or sharing love. However, my infinity frail humanity struggles with the world’s pressures.

In the silence, I’m distracted by nature that allows itself to just be. A honey giver hovers over each dandelion waiting to fill up on its nectar and it busily moves onto the next. A butterfly dances and flutters with the freedom to roam and explore the landscape. It’s able to take breaks randomly when it wings get tired. Ants travel by touch and sense entrapment making sudden moves so that freedom remains theirs. They search and find Your providence, as they carrying the weight of food on their backs.

Nature knows its purpose.

An ant isn’t constructing wings out of leaves, in an attempt to take flight, or dip its antennas down into a tulip when it’s thirsty from the summer’s sun. A butterfly doesn’t walk the grassy fields; balancing food on it’s back to share. A bee doesn’t halt its effort to make honey because he’s been studying the art of web making and would like to give it a go.

I want to be just like nature. To just be. I want my purpose to spread its wings and fly, to bud and then bloom, to sink and then swim, to burst and then shine, to make noise and then sing, and to drink from life’s delicious nectar and pollinate gardens with goodness. Whatever You have written in me, I want it to be authentically lived, and all my music to be innately played to the rhythm of life. Where it’s sweet music to Your ears and my little melody will add something to all that You orchestrate. Something that will have a continuous chime over humanity’s existence, giving the glory to You and an occasionally memory to those who inherited my heart.

And a knowing that I left this world a bit sweeter and kinder.

Please help me to fully find and fully live Your purpose, O Lord. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

What are you looking for? What do you want?