Saints I Need - Now!

Thanks to my first grade teacher, Sister Celeste, and her dramatic stories about holy people, I developed an early fascination with the saints. Once I could read well enough, I devoured every saint book in our school library and dreamed of growing up to be a martyr. Over the years, I looked to the saints for inspiration and turned to them for help.

I still do.

But sometimes I find myself wishing for new saints…special saints…saints who fit the life I'm living right now and the problems I wrestle with every day.

Saints like these:

St. Grippia Infirmata

A good and holy woman, St. Grippia spent her days praying and fasting. The prayer was intentional, but the fasting resulted from her inability to open jars, bottles, or any other container with her puny, weak, little hands.

St. Grippia Infirmata, pray for me!

St. Peter the Podiatrist

St. Peter was renowned for his love of the poor (Hey, what saint isn't?) and his amazing foot rubs. His intercession is often invoked for the shrinking of bunions, the relief of aching arches, and the lifting of the spirit through a renewed ability to tolerate high heels.

St. Peter the Podiatrist, pray for me!

St. Mary Mnemonica

With her steel-trap mind, St. Mary learned the Bible by heart and could recite any passage by request. She also amazed others with her unerring ability to recall the reason for her entry into any chamber and her perfect memory for the location of even the most elusive objects. Her miraculous recovery of the hopelessly lost keys is an inspiration for the ages!

St. Mary Mnemonica, pray for me!

St. Thesauria of Literatura

This righteous paragon is venerated as the advocate of fabulists and anecdotists who endure an affliction which forestalls their capacity to produce the consummate phraseology required for composition. (Teehee!)

St. Thesauria of Literatura, intercede on the behalf of this unworthy individual!

St. Kitkat Goodbar of Hershey

After many years of sinful gluttony and indulgence, St. Kitkat started an order devoted to praying away the pounds gained by the overeating of sweets. Known as the Discaloried Caramelites, these holy sisters still offer special prayers for soon-to-be brides, alumni planning to attend reunions, and post-menopausal women who just need a stinking piece of chocolate every once in a while, okay?

St. Kitkat, pray for me!

St. Tardia, the Venerable Procrastinator

This well-intentioned monk served as the carpenter for the Priory of Shrewsingtonbrookburyhamstone, or, as it's better known, the Abbey of Three-Legged Chairs. His unfinished projects encouraged his brothers to strive for balance in their lives, and his example instilled in them a powerful desire to promptly complete all tasks. Even today, St. Tardus inspires us to