Catholic and Gay

Many things have changed since I first became a youth minister in 2000. In addition to the changes in technology, social media, etc. the ideas of right and wrong in society have also changed. One area where this is evident is in the views of homosexuality and same sex marriage. In 2002, public support of same sex marriage was under 40%. Now, it sits at about 52% and is much higher with the younger generations. In my ministry, I have seen this trend first hand. Nearly every single student in my CCD program over the past three years has been in support of same sex marriage. Some mainstream Christian Churches have also begun to accept homosexual unions. However, the Catholic Church has, as always, remained steadfast in her teachings that the act of homosexuality and the institution of same sex marriage are morally wrong. There exists a great disconnect in what the Church teaches on sexuality and the views/beliefs of young Catholics. Furthermore, many gay Catholics feel unwanted by the Church. I have ministered to several gay Catholic teens and have seen them experience these emotions firsthand.

The questions I get from them are, “What is my place in the Church? Why can’t I ever get married? Why does the Church hate me?”

My heart breaks when I hear these questions. There is nothing in my life that is comparable to the feelings or experience that they have. I don’t pretend to know what they are going through or how to solve their questions. However, I do have love, compassion, and acceptance for them. The first thing I respond is that the Church most definitely wants them to be in the community. The Church, contrary to public opinion, does not hate, condemn, or otherwise shame gay people. In fact, the Church commands us to love all people as Christ loved us. I do my best to convince them that the Church is home for them, too. To better communicate the teachings on homosexuality from the Catechism, click here and read sections 2357-2359 (they’re short).

The second question, regarding marriage, is the hardest to answer. Humans have a God given desire for love. Secular society equates love with sex, so this desire for love is often expressed in that manner. Many young gay Catholics want to experience romantic relationships and eventually marriage. Most of their heterosexual friends support them in this endeavor. Society at large is beginning to support them in this endeavor. Therefore, it is very emotionally difficult to express that marriage is only naturally ordered for a man and a woman because only a man and woman can produce life. The Church will never recognize their relationship but instead calls them to chastity. Hearing this information can be troubling for many young gay Catholics and difficult to reconcile their faith, this teaching, and who they are as a person.

In general, it can be difficult to teach the principals of chastity to teens. Teaching a gay teen that they will always be expected to be chaste and never marry can be devastating for them. It must be done with love, compassion, and understanding. Luckily, there is a wonderful resource available to teach these principals. The Third Way is a video from Blackstone films that chronicles the struggles and lives towards chastity of gay Catholics. Hearing these stories from people who can directly relate to the struggles of being gay and Catholic can be therapeutic for other gay Catholics. I highly encourage you to view this movie following the link http://www.blackstonefilms.org/thethirdway/. It is free and can be used to help you understand the plight of gay Catholics but also to assist those gay Catholics in our communities that are struggling with living a life of chastity in today’s world.