I Was Terrified of Confession
Sometimes It's Hard To Talk To God
Photo By: Flickr/Paleontour
It’s times like these when talking to God can be hard. When I’m tired, sick, disappointed, emotionally spent and have been feeling far from Him. I don’t want to get out of bed 45 minutes earlier than I have to. I don’t want to talk to Him when I know I’m not feeling very grateful. I don’t want to pretend that everything is going to be ok when my mind is telling me the opposite. I don’t want to spend the little time I have with my wife at night, praying. I don’t want to face God when it it’s easier to turn my head and hide. I don’t want to. I don’t want to, I don’t want to. Sometimes I feel like a complaining baby. And its times like these that it’s hard to talk to God
I know it will change. It always does; but when I feel this way, I can’t shake the feeling of being too far from away from Him. I tell myself to concentrate and focus but I find myself drifting off in doubt. Will I have the passion I had just a few weeks ago? Will I say my prayers where I feel each word in my heart; where I feel so much love around me that I just want to smile all day? Will I ever feel that way again? Am I losing my faith? The answer is…...No….I’m just human. I have sin in my heart and it’s not going away any time soon. This saving grace that God has given me doesn’t ever expire but it does however have to be used to be effective. I can sit back all day and feel sorry for myself but it won’t change anything. My prayer life and my faith are dry for one reason. Me.
Remember Adam and Eve? They had everything. They had closeness with God that we only dream we could have. Walking and conversing with the Creator of the universe. But that’s what our prayer life is supposed to be like; letting the Holy Spirit guide us through prayer and conversation and an inside walk with God. But just like Adam and Eve, when we sin and fall short. When we complain and feel bitter, we hide ourselves from God. God isn’t hiding from us. We’re ashamed of our behavior, so we hide our faces from God. Our souls feel naked and we find somewhere else to go. My place is self pity. I wallow in it and tell myself that I don’t have time to pray. I don’t have the energy to talk to God and read scripture. I’m just too tired because my life isn’t going good at all. How silly is this?
That is precisely when we need Him the most. So I challenge everyone including myself to make an effort to spend even more time with our Lord and Savior when we feel this way. Wake up earlier; pray longer; concentrate more on the issue that’s bothering you rather than sweeping it under the proverbial rug of denial. As everything in life, working harder at something always reaps greater rewards. Why shouldn’t this work with our prayer life too? God will reward us for our effort.
Sometimes it’s hard to talk to God… But life is harder when you don’t.
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About the Author
My name is Robert Hug. I am a 44 year old cradle Catholic. Like many, I fell away from the Church and relied on my own “intellect” and “abilities” to forge my way through life. After two failed marriages and raising a daughter on my own for 15 years, God decided to have mercy on me and give me the grace that I so badly needed but did not deserve. He saved me from a life of destruction and into a slow and gradual reentry back into the Church. The first step was through the prayers of others and books that my parents gave me. I reluctantly read and studied and asked God to help me. After years of being “taken to the woodshed” by God, I was finally able to see my own faults for what they were. A complete rebellion of pride and egotism. The next step was meeting my wife. A practicing Baptist with the heart of gold and the patience it took to wait for me to understand. Both of us build each other up each day and try our best to put our life, future, health and our kid’s future in God’s hands. After my annulment was final and I was able to receive my first formal forgiveness and communion in almost 15 years, I have been on fire ever since for the Word and for the life which I had so carelessly thrown aside. Through this blog I wish to help others who wish to become closer to our Savior and dedicate their lives daily to the Lord with simple and helpful, spirit filled actions. I wish to be honest and help others with similar thoughts after being gone from the Church so long. .
I also volunteer and am on the board of directors for Birthright of Memphis. This national organization helps woman in crisis pregnancy with recourses, necessities, mentoring and classes so they will be able to choose life over abortion.
I am also a 3rd degree member of The Knights of Columbus.
