Every Child’s Right
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Recently on FaceBook, my mid-20’s oldest child announced to that he was no longer a he. In fact, he was introducing himself as “herself”...a transgender female. My wife saw this first and showed it to me. To say that I was surprised is a bit of an understatement. Not only to find this out, but to find out at the same time as the rest of the world.
The announcement to the world included a new preferred name, as well as the preferred pronouns of she, her, and hers. If any of us found that uncomfortable, the singular (?) forms of they, then, and theirs were also equally acceptable. Apparently, this is a common way young people greet each other nowadays...”hi, my name is [blank] and my preferred pronouns are [whatever].”
As I take my time to process this, I am scouring Church teaching on love. How do I love my oldest in the midst of these problems? I know the Church teaches objective truth. I know the Church teaches sharing the truth in love.
Human love is rooted in time. There may be a time that we do not love someone; other times that we do love them; and future times when we may love them no more. God’s love isn’t limited by time...God’s love transcends.
Sometimes, human love is conditional. We love someone when certain conditions are met. As a parent, I’ve heard my children say, “I’ll love you forever if you get me this toy.” Or, “I’ll love you forever if you let me stay up let my bedtime.” God’s love is without condition...God’s love transcends.
What does this mean for me and my oldest? The request to use a different name is relatively easy to make; easier still if it’s a legal name change. Pronouns? I’m not so comfortable with that.
To me, the preferred pronouns reflect an objective reality that just isn’t true. I know my child (as well as many in society) would prefer that I acknowledge the subjective reality that transgendered people perceive. Their subjective reality is not my objective reality. I have decided that I will try to use gender neutral words (child, oldest, etc.). To me, this walks a line not being hurtful, but not acknowledging something different than objective reality.
But, at the end of the day, I love my child. I cannot and will not let my child’s choices change that. Will I always support everything my oldest does? No...of course not. Will I try to guide all my children in Truth and Light? Of course...but most of all, in Love.
I pray that God will give me the grace to be the best father I can be to my child. To lead, if my child will let me. To love, with a transcendent love that God models for all of us.
The author is an attorney who lives in the Midwest with his wife and children. A cradle-Catholic, he left the Church as a young adult, but came back to the fold and now fully lives his faith.
The author chose this pseudonym as a way to describe his writing, which he hopes will guide him in all his articles, which will in turn lead others to God.
