The Truth Will Set You Free

I was nineteen. I was in my best friend’s living room, helping her clean up after a Pampered Chef party. We had a brief, tender heart-to-heart, as friends do, concerning topics that made us feel angry and sick to our stomachs. Per our custom, we ended the conversation with laughter and hugs. I felt absolutely fine. Then, without warning, I walked over to the nearest trashcan and got sick. It was the first of many such instances.

After four to five months of vomiting, depression, weight gain, and other issues, a doctor finally diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Not only would the vomiting erode my esophagus, it would eventually cause ulcers and possibly cancer. It was triggered by blood sugar issues, which, coupled with the weight gain, would very shortly lead to diabetes if I didn’t lose weight. The severe depression concerned my doctor, as it was likely biochemical in nature and therefore was adding to the physical strain. All of this would crush my reproductive system and would make it difficult, if not impossible, to have children. The young man I had been attached to ceased communication over this. After months and months of being sick, I had answers, but my whole life was radically different.

Looking back on it, I’m not sad I went through what I did. To me, I look back and see a picture of how coming into contact with the truth will change your life for the better. We don’t always want to hear the truth, but if we are ever going to be healed of the problems we have in life, we have to let go of what we want and embrace what we need – the Truth.

Flash-forward 4-5 YEARS: I’m in my early twenties, just graduated from college, still looking for that special someone, still grappling with health issues, and trying to find a job. I was sick again. This time, it didn’t matter if I ate or not, and it was more frequent. Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, I’d lost almost twenty pounds from an inability to hold food down. The doctors were baffled. Bloodwork, ultrasounds, minor surgery, tons of bills – all to hear the doctor say, “We don’t know what’s wrong with you. We have no options for treatment. We have a good guess, but we can’t know for sure, and we don’t know that we can help you.”

I left the doctor’s office and went straight to the hospital chaplain, a priest from my parish. I was angry, hurt, and confused. I had followed God, I had done as He asked – why was I still sick? Why couldn’t I be healed? Why did I have to feel poorly all the time? I poured my heart out to the chaplain.

“Sarah, I am so sorry for all that you are going through,” he said. “I wish I had some answers. Tell me, why did you come to me today?”

“I just… What can I do? What am I supposed to do to be healed? Why isn’t anything in my life going the way I want it to – need it to, when it comes to health?”

“Well, Sarah, I don’t have any easy answers for you… But, do you know what comes to mind when I am listening to your story?” I shook my head. “What is coming to my mind is the story of Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus thought that, in order to see God in his life, he had to climb that tall tree and perch up there like a bird, just to see Jesus! But then, as he was up in that tree, Jesus said, ‘Zacchaeus, I’m on my way to your place! Yeah, I’m gonna hang out with you today!’ You see, what I like about that story is that it shows us that, no matter where we are in life, God is always ahead of us. Jesus knows what’s coming – ‘Zacchaeus, I’m already going to your house today!’ He is preparing us for what’s ahead, and He is with us every step of the way. Even when we don’t know, Jesus does. If we seek Him, if we just try to follow Him, He will meet us where we are, and He will guide us to where we need to be.

“He didn’t promise that the way would be easy. He didn’t promise that we would never suffer. He didn’t promise us answers. He just promised that He would never leave us, never forsake us, and always love us. He is always there for us. That is the truth.

“Sarah, I wish there was a way to alleviate your suffering. What you’re going through is terrible. It’s frightening. But I will pray for you the strength to endure and run the race. Who knows – perhaps in your sickness, you are showing a light to someone else that needs to see it. You say you see beauty in your first diagnosis now, but you didn’t then. What if God is doing something just as big in your life right now? See, if we knew everything God has planned for our lives, if we said to Him, ‘God, I want to know Your whole plan for my life!’ God would show us and then we would be like, ‘Oh, God, it is too much! It is too wonderful for me!’ God shows us a little at a time because we can’t handle it all at once. He has plans for us – plans for you, Sarah! – but those plans will be revealed to us in God’s timing, not ours. I know it is hard, but this is the truth: Whatever happens, Jesus is with you. And He loves you, no matter what is happening.”

Sometimes, what we want isn’t what we need. I want answers. I want a cut-and-dry diagnosis. A few pills, maybe a corrective surgery – anything to fix my problems. But life isn’t that simple. It’s not that quick. We don’t know the whole plan. We just know where we are now.

I may never get answers. I may never be healed this side of eternity. Maybe God's ways, which are not my ways, have something better in store. I don’t know. I do know I don’t have to be afraid. Hour by hour, day by day, I can ask for God to give me strength to carry on, to do my work, to bless others, to keep on, and live. I’m not bound by this world, my sickness, my fears, my anger or pain. Jesus Christ, my all-knowing, all-powerful God, is with me every step of the way. I’m free.

My friend, I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what you want to hear. But I do know someone out there needs to hear this: It's scary to try to be healthy. But Jesus loves you. He is with you. You... Are... Free.