What Is A Parent To Do? Praying for our Troubled Children

         Pre-teens, teens and even adult children are addicted to drugs, having sex, involved with Wicca, listening to dark to sometimes even evil music, the occult and other dangerous activities; what is a parent to do? 

         As a parent, one can feel lost and very alone. Many try dragging their kids to therapy and church, but with little to no visible change. Does the Catholic Church offer anything to help? Many, including myself, would say pray, pray, pray and pray some more. The fruit of this prayer is NEVER lost. Faith is seen as the fruit of things hoped for. NEVER lose hope! NEVER lose faith! 

         What exactly does this prayer look like, feel like, and sound like? There is no one perfect way to pray to get what we want. In truth, prayer is to be more of surrender to a loving, heavenly Father than an attempt to get God to do what we want as if He were some puppet. If changing God’s mind, so to speak, is not the goal, what is? 

         God is love! We have heard that all of our lives. Love makes the world go around! We know that one too. I would say that love is what makes prayer work. God does not need our intervention. In His love and mercy for us, He allows us to participate in the sharing and spreading of His own love. When we pray for another, it is an expression of love. We desire something that we have determined to be good for the person. If we pray for something without love, the request falls flat (1 Cor 13:1). 

         Our love for our children grows through the years but most especially through trials and tribulations. We would wish this were not the case, but our very wise, loving, merciful Father judges this to be fruitful. So what are some ways to express this loving prayer while our kids are going through these difficult and sometimes life-threatening trials? First off, let me say that professional help is always important. Prayer is not a substitute for seeking professional help and support. The opposite can also be said, that is, professional help and support are not a substitute for ardent prayer. 

         So we want to pray for our child during these difficult times. The Catholic Church offers many ways to engage in prayer for our children. Here are a few that have been tried and true through the centuries. They are in no particular order. I do like to refer to them as weapons in my arsenal. The first is the use of a sacramental. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that sacramentals operate by means of the Church’s intercession. The sign of the cross is the chief sacramental of the Church and a prayer in itself. This prayer offered regularly can be offered for the needs of another. Holy Water is also a sacramental. We are told that, “through the prayers of the Church, by the pious use of holy water, the intellect is enlightened, and the will moved from evil while being prompted to do good; and both body and mind are thereby strengthened and healed.”[1] Holy water can be used to bless your home, your child, and his/her room. When I have done this, I often asked the Lord to rid the place of all that keeps us (him/her) from growing closer to the Lord and to heal all that is wounding them (painful memories, losses, etc.). A crucifix, either hanging on a wall or sitting on a shelf, is a sacramental. “The image of our Lord on the cross is in itself always a sacred sign. But the blessing of the Church bestows upon it spiritual power of protection and grace, making the image into a sacramental which recalls the victory of Christ on the cross, the redemption through his death.”[2] [3] 

         Sacraments are a great source of grace and blessing for the one who participates and any and all who are interceded for at that time. This means that when a person attends Mass on Sunday, or any day for that matter, he/she can include the intention of their son or daughter. Another option, one that is not often used in our day and age, is requesting a Mass be said for them. Both St. Anselm[4] and Pope Benedict XVI speak about the benefits derived from an intercessory Mass as able to bear more fruit for the living than the dead. Everyone is welcome to request a Mass at a parish, even if you are not a parishioner. The option exists to have the intention listed as “a special intention” rather than to list the actual name of the person. God knows who the intention is for. There is a suggested donation that is connected with the Mass request. This helps to support the day to day running of the parish and it is a type of almsgiving. Scripture says that almsgiving covers a multitude of sins[5]. 

         The Rosary is another powerful weapon. The physical Rosary beads are themselves a sacramental. Once blessed, the very presence of them in the room confers some grace. If they are visible, they become reminders of the Lord’s saving actions, even if albeit unconscious. St. Padre Pio is quoted as saying “the Rosary is the 'weapon' for these times.” If you need a refresher, or never learned about the Rosary, there are many websites that explain it very well. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops explains it here,  The Blessed Mother Mary, mother of Jesus, is a wonderful intercessor for us, especially in terms of our children. She knows so very well the heartache of watching a child suffer. Allow her to be your companion during your current struggle and always. 

         The Bible frequently mentions fasting as a form of prayer[6]. Fasting can be like Catholics do on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday but it could also be more simple, such as from some pleasure like chocolate or social media. Anything in which you deny your impulse for the sake of another is an act of love. 

         Eucharistic adoration is such a blessing during this time. This can be done sitting in a Church with the Eucharist in the tabernacle or with the Eucharist exposed on an altar. Some areas are blessed to have perpetual adoration where the Blessed Sacrament (Eucharist) is exposed for prayer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. One could stop in any time of the day or night. Adoration does not require any set time commitments. Some people go for a holy hour, others for a holy ten minutes. Eucharistic adoration allows you to come before the Lord Jesus, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, and pour out your pain and sorrow to Him who loves you more than you can possibly know or comprehend. As you sit in His penetrating presence, you can lay your burdens, worries, fears, and worst nightmares at His feet. Then, allow Him to fill you with His peace, wisdom, strength and yes, even joy. For as much as you love your child, your love is only a reflection of His immense love for His child. Our children are not truly ours. They are lent to us for a time, but have their origin and destiny in God. 

         Novenas are prayers that are said for nine days, generally asking for the intercession of a particular Saint for a specific intention. One can turn to the Saint that the child is named after, the one they chose for Confirmation, or even one a parent or grandparent was named for.[7] 

         Thanksgiving is also a wonderful resource when interceding for our children. When we take time out to recognize the precious gift the Lord has given us in our children, even in times of great trial, we open our hearts to love more deeply, to love more as God loves. The Bible says to “Rejoice in the Lord always”[8], in good times and bad.

         These are but a few of the treasures we have available to us as Catholic parents, as we struggle to help our children during these trying times. I often chuckle when I read Proverbs 22:6 . I’m paraphrasing here, “train your children in the way to walk and when they are older they will follow”. It says nothing of the teens and twenties!

[1] https://catholicexchange.com/hidden-power-holy-water; accessed 1/29/18 (Holy Water and It’s Significance by Rev. Henry Theiler)

[2] https://www.catholicculture.org/culture/liturgicalyear/activities/view.cfm?id=1314; accessed 4/9/18

[3] For more information on sacramentals, https://www.osv.com/Article/TabId/493/ArtMID/13569/ArticleID/16133/What-Are-Sacramentals.aspx

[4] Rule, Martin; The Life and Times of St. Anselm: Archbishop of Canterbury

[5] Luke 11:41; https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+11%3A41&version=NABRE; accessed 4/9/18

[6] For more information on Scriptures regarding fasting see https://www.scripturecatholic.com/fasting/ accessed 4/11/18

[7] For more information on novenas, http://www.praymorenovenas.com/novenas

[8] Philippians 4:4; https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+4%3A4&version=KJV; accessed 4/9/18