4 Tips for First Time Moms

As soon as I got pregnant with our first, advice started pouring in, and never stopped. I got to know what my parents, in-laws, friends, relatives, neighbors and local cashiers think about parenting. I appreciated a lot of the advice, and could have done without some of it as well. Even though I got a ton of advice, there were still some things that took me by surprise. I felt very prepared to make decisions about vaccinations, feeding habits and approaches to learning. I wasn’t so prepared for everything I personally would experience throughout the process of giving birth on the emotional and spiritual level. These are a few pieces of advice I wish I’d heard, or heard more often, during my first pregnancy. I hope they can help other first time moms preparing for their special day and the time that follows.

1. Make plans for the birth, but don’t get too set on them. It’s impossible for you to know in advance how each birth will go or to control how things turn out. In the end, the birth story is about the baby. If we have a wonderful, empowering birth experience, praise God. If we have a nerve-racking birth experience, praise God. Whether it’s all natural or ends up involving interventions, praise God. Go in knowing what you want, but be prepared for the unexpected. Don’t feel bad about it. The best thing you can do as a mother isn’t necessarily having the perfect natural birth. It’s bringing your baby into the world and starting a new and exciting phase in your lifetime journey of love with your little one. That happens, whether your child comes naturally or is induced or comes through a c-section. It happens whether you have an epidural, other forms of pain killers or no medication at all. If you have your ideal birth, be grateful. If you don’t, be grateful still. You have your baby, and that’s what matters.
2. Cherish your last days with your little one inside you. This can be really tough. As our due date draws near, we find ourselves ever more exhausted, worn out and impatient. Our hormones are running rampant and we just might feel like a waddling elephant. Each day of waiting seems like an eternity. And, sure enough, there will be a definite relief once the little one pops out. In addition to having an adorable child of God that is also YOUR child in your arms, it IS nice to be done with the side effects of pregnancy – to be able to walk around and bend down without having our belly bump into things, to have the swelling in our ankles or legs go down, to start fitting into “normal” clothes and to find that our wedding ring fits on our fingers again. These are little things to look forward to, alongside the main joy of holding your little miracle in your arms. But while there are many side effects of pregnancy that we’re happy to get rid of, there are also some things we’ll miss. Like feeling the baby’s movements – kicks, punches, rolls, even hiccups – inside of us. Like knowing that we have our baby with us 100% of the time – that we can talk to them, play with them and pray over them any time of day or night. Having the little one on the outside is incredible, but you’ll miss having them on the inside. Cherish your last days of feeling the miracle of life and the special, unique communion that can only be experienced by a mother with a baby in her womb. Try to find a few moments of peace and quiet amid the craziness of packing the hospital bags and other last minute preparations to enjoy these sacred, and passing, moments of motherhood.
3. Don’t forget the profound connection between the experience of labor, our human condition, and salvation. Labor can be scary and painful, as well as exciting and uplifting. It’s a necessary step we have to go through to bring our pregnancy to completion with the birth of our child. But it’s also much, much more than that. Labor is a very real reminder of both human sinfulness and the beautiful reality of salvation. Labor isn’t simply a painful reminder of original sin; it is a way in which we are able to enter into the mystery of salvation in a unique way. Labor, in some way, is a reflection of the cross and resurrection – an experience of physical pain that ends in new life. It is a suffering that embodies the fullness of love; it is life-giving gift of self. Yes, labor is the result of original sin; a punishment. But it is also a privilege; a doorway through which mothers are invited to enter into the divine mystery of life, love and redemption.  
4. Don’t set high expectations for your first weeks, months and even years after giving birth. You’re recovering. You’re transitioning. You’re the first source of support, comfort, love and learning for your little one. That means a lot. It requires a lot. It’s fulfilling and exhausting. Between being a mom of a newborn (which is a full time job regardless of whether you stay at home or not), and finding time to be with your husband and other kids, you won’t have a ton of time for other less essential focuses. That’s OK. The dishes, laundry and Pinterest projects can wait. They’ll be there when you’re ready for them in a few years. But your baby will have grown. Your kids only grow up once. They need you now. Be with them, and don’t stress out about the rest. Others can help with the house and errands. No one else can love your child the way you can. Comforting and teaching is more important than having the perfect house and doing incredible activities. Prioritize being a mom. Be happy if you get other things done in the process, but don’t feel discouraged when caring for your family is all you have time for. It’s enough. It’s everything.