Dreading the Confessional

During my normal day of operations, someone left on my desk a piece of paper. On the paper, it stated, “NEWS FLASH: Confession is not when God found out about it; it's when YOU got RID of it!” It is a few weeks into Lent. My heart sank a little bit about the words on the paper. God knows the sins I am carrying around in my heart. He knows what I failed to do and what I have failed to do. God knows and somehow I have no desire to go to Confession. NONE.

Confession is nowhere on my to-do list. It is a place that I walk by. Yet, each time I look in the Bulletin, there are many times that Father is offering Confession. So like many people, I avoid the dreaded box. I walk by the Confessional and know I should be in the Confessional. My heart is not in it. I am not ready to confess my list of sins. I make every excuse as to why I do not need Confession.

Now, I am forced to focus on the words, “Confession: it’s when you got rid of it.” I have been carrying around the wounds of hurts. I have been carrying around these sins. The fact that I am not going to Confession means one of two things. I am in denial about those sins or I have a ton of excuses. It is a matter of both. I am in denial about those sins. Why do I need to admit to another human my lack of being Christ-like? Besides, Father is just as much human as I am. Then, comes my lists of excuses. I have an excuse for every sin I committed. However, I am forgetting that Confession is about me leaving my sins at the cross.

God is not going to tell me any more. If I sin one more time, then I am cut off from Him. Nope. God is going to extend His mercy and love to me. He is going to allow me to come back home. This is the time of the year that young children make their own Penance. They are nervous. They are excited. Yet, I am dragging my feet. It is more of a knock out battle between God and me. Who is going to win? The answer is God. I need to look at the faces of the young children in front of me. While they are nervous, the excitement of going to talk to the priest is a joyous occasion. In the normal operations of my day, maybe it is time I take the advice of the children in front me. I need to get RID of the sins and be excited to walk out of the confessional. Maybe this is the year that I turn my own fears of the Confessional into my own joys of the Confessional.