Things I Would not Have Learned if I Bailed out of Marriage Early

Once upon a time, my husband became unemployed for many years and my ambition-ridden self could not see how he could be the permanent dreamboat that I had imagined spending my life with. I was also not getting used to having all the preference I have articulated put to the wayside and my independence curtailed. That seem like a millenia ago but how easily can a couple thrust out the other and junk the sacrament of total and permanent self-gift for temporary selfishness.

Celebrating many milestones hence, I list some things I am grateful to learn by enduring and joyfully living with my spouse.

1. I would not have learned to see my flaws from being raised feminist. I have realized that women nurture and encourage--that is their best attribute and thus most required in nature just as in men, it is their gift and mission to protect and provide. So let us express our charism, women, in this very life-giving and hopeful light. If we do not yet see that our goal is to love and sacrifice for the other, then we really are making a joke of our vocation. 

2. I have (as related to above) stopped looking at my husband objectifyingly and really appreciating him as a person with a soul striving for holiness and goodness. If one is very earthly, little thought towards the true dignity of man and woman (in ourselves and in others) will happen. It will be limited to external and superficial values and identities. Once we see who we truly are--as brothers and sisters to one another and of Christ and children of God the Father we can build a holy home and a holy and harmonious society.

3. I have come to see how everything is beautiful work of diplomacy, in building up, especially in the home, our spouses, as men do have egos that women can best protect and cherish rather than topple. Women are treasured by the men who gave their liberty to--they are really the more romantic ones who just do not deserve a slapdash giving of food or fast food and no desire to look pretty, fit or interesting. We have to engage our spouse as we are humans still yet headed for the fullness of good. 

4. I would not know there is growth in virtue by living your marriage vows faithfully, fruitfully, permanently, for marriage is the enactment and a sign of God’s unconditional love for his people, this we d the same for our spouse. The opposite happens in divorce, which I am glad I have been thus spared, but have come close if I didn't amend my capacity to love and sacrifice (or the lack of it) Divorce (and its iterations, separation and annulment included) is deadly, causing heartaches and constant doubt, chronic arguments and ill-effects on the children, enduring way into their adulthood. The love and union that gives forth the marriage and the children is destroyed and the self-identity of the children will always be seen by them in this light, says the foreword in Primal Loss: The Adult-Children of Divorce Speak by Leila Miller. Parents whose love engenders the marriage and the family life are now now available to give this love to the child in which it was conceived and hence, their lifelong loss that they succor in drink and drugs if they become entangled with destructive behaviors, which are common in any one with hurt. 

5. Marriage is a growth in faith, as well as love and hope. Because of the above, God grants graces that are unbelievably powerful through the sacrament of marriage. Nothing, truly nothing merits divorce, like truly nothing merits abortion. Bigamy, apostasy, serial infidelity, porn, flirtation, domestic violence, nagging, long time separation, threat of disease, financial abuse, kids with other women are things our family endured (well, maybe not to the same woman) but we all know types who had it worse than our situation and yet stayed and built the covenant love for what it is and is blessed. I am blessed now, as well as many others, for enduring the time of severe trial that ones after the honeymoon and before the mature love. When that third happy phase happen, prepare yourself however long the wait, because as my parents showed me—separated and conflict-ridden for years, was reunited and healed like they are the man and woman God has designed for all eternity, and boy, are they happy, happy, happy—an early heaven as it should be.

What are some things you might not have learned if you bailed out early? Share and help the Philippines and others prevent divorce in law and practice. Pray that more people give the witness of the sacrament of marriage and protect millions from the harm , stress and death from divorce and its attendant insecurities.