What does success mean to you?

“What does success mean to you?” That’s the question I was asked on February 5 by a great man who was once a significant mentor in my life. It’s kind of ironic because what started the discussion was me asking him to push me to my limits as a writer. In the week that has followed, this is the first time I have sat down to write.

That doesn’t mean the question hasn’t weighed heavily on my mind. My response was that I needed to write about my answer. During the next few days, I reached a decision that writing is only going to be a hobby going forward in my life. My education is going to switch from pursuing a master’s degree in theology to the machining and engineering field so I can put myself in the best possible position to take over the tool and die shop my mother owns when she decides she is ready to sell.

The decision makes sense. I have a family to think about. Even if I am not the one who ends up buying our family business, at least I would have a guaranteed salary every week with the education and experience I have by that time. That is something I’ve never had studying theology or as a writer. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve made some cash with a pen and a piece of paper. I’ve also had to listen to my daughter growing up in the other room while I was in my office at home writing, sitting my life away at my desk. Just putting this in front of me in writing makes me feel like I am chasing success in a race I can’t win.

This last week has been different. After getting home from work every day, there’s been no writing. I haven’t even answered one question as far as homework is concerned. I’ve even found comfort in the idea of being just a “regular” Christian. Yes, I personally believe that if you preach, write, or teach about the Christian faith, the standards become a little higher for you as an individual. I’ve allowed more than one sin to creep into my life that I’ve been able to avoid for a while.

I haven’t opened my Bible once during the last six days. It’s been at least five years since I have been able to say that. I’m sure I’ve said thank you to God a few times before falling asleep during the week. Maybe I’ve asked for a few simple favors like not telling my coworkers what I really think of them during the day. That’s much more difficult than it may sound.

“What does success mean to you?” I’ve done some stuff as a writer. When sports has been the topic, I’ve had articles featured on websites such as Sports Illustrated, Bleacher Report, and Yahoo Sports. I’ve been the top writer of a writing team for more than one content writing company. I’ve yet to write an article that a paying customer has asked me to rewrite. When it comes to my faith, I’ve been fifth on the”Top ten most influential articles of the year” for a very popular Protestant website that had over 200 articles and 60 writers to choose from. I’ve had more than one person reach out and let me know they have found inspiration from something I’ve written.

Several writers would consider any one of my accomplishments a success. Just reading that last sentences says a lot about how simple minded many of us view “success.” I am many things. A husband, father, son, employee, student, a Christian, a neighbor. The list could go on and on. But for many of us, we limit success to what we are able to accomplish at work. We allow our jobs to define who we are. When meeting someone new for the first time, the first question isn’t how many children do you have, how long have you been married, or what was your GPA while in school. It’s normally along the line of “What do you do for a living?”

“What does success mean to you?” I’ve mentioned what I have done career wise that may cause many people to look at me as “successful” as a writer. I have two teenage children who live less than an hour from me who I haven’t seen more than a picture of for over seven years. That’s because the Jeffrey they know is a raging alcoholic who doesn’t care about anything other than getting another drink.

While my wife probably wouldn’t admit it out of fear of what it might do to my image as a “Christian writer,” she probably feels more alone than anyone I have ever known. That’s because after I come home from work every day, I right away disappear into my office to work on school work or writing the next great book that’s never going to get finished. This is also a large part of why our two-year-old daughter feels uncomfortable being alone with me for more than a couple hours at a time. It’s not necessarily because of anything I’ve done to her. She simply isn’t used to me being a father.

I live four blocks away from my mom and I don’t think I have spent time with her outside of work in 2018. My dad lives about 40 minutes away and I haven’t seen him in person since last July, but I do my best to make sure I call him at least every other weekend. Normally, one of the first things I make sure I mention is how busy I am trying to be a successful writer. That’s my identity. I write. That is how I determine my self-worth. By how many times this article will be shared and the engagement it receives via social media. That is the image I am creating of success for my little girl.

I have been as real with you as I can for a reason. No, it’s not for you to run off to the comment section to give me advice, comfort, or opinion. I have learned in all of my success as a writer the best way I can inspire you to be real with yourself is to be real about me, regardless of what that looks like according to the subject matter. What does success mean to you?

Before you put too much thought into that, keep one thing in mind. Jesus doesn’t teach about being successful in the Bible. He never mentions an amount of money you need to earn to impress the neighbor you don’t even like anyway. There isn’t a promotion the company you work for can give you that allows you to bypass an eternity in hell.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about "success" the last seven days and it has all been trapped in my mind because I haven’t been writing. I don’t think success is something we achieve. I believe it’s something we demonstrate to others without being aware of what we are doing. Success is being able to be honest about exactly how weak we are, knowing it’s His strength that sets us apart. It’s being able to say, “You know what, I am doing this all wrong and something has to change right now while it’s not too late.”

I happened to stumble across a quote I want to add on to as it’s written. I am not sure of who deserves credit for saying the original version, so feel free to let me know in the comments.

“God has not called us to be successful. He has called us to be faithful,” even when success feels an eternity away.