The "D" Word

One of the things that scares a good portion of Catholic young people is the “d” word. I’ve been asked hundreds of times if I’ve considered the priesthood, and I know I’m not the only one. It’s sort of an unwritten rule that, a young man regularly attending Mass in a somewhat reverent manner, should be regularly asked if he’s ever thought about being a priest. It doesn’t matter whether that person knows the young man in question, he/she may just feel called to “pop the question” to young men. Maybe that’s a vocation in and of itself—vocation pesterer. My favorite, by far, was a priest who asked me after confession if I was married or dating. When I replied in the negative, he said in a very laidback and nonchalant manner, “Have you ever thought about being a priest? It’s a pretty good life!”

It can be off-putting and annoying to a lot of guys, and they may say how rude or funny it seems, but, in the end, it plants a little seed. No matter how much I claimed to laugh it off, I couldn’t help but wonder…

So, after a little bit of spiritual torment (I’m definitely one for over-thinking), I started really discerning my call in life. In a world of changing careers and upward mobility, it’s kind of a daunting prospect to look into making a life-long decision. At times, I almost wished I could spin a vocation wheel and just stick with whichever I landed on… but I digress.

So, I started discerning my vocation and came to a point where I felt called to the Franciscans. Why? Well, it was the life of Francis and the example of selflessness the friars continue to give in an increasingly selfish world. There is a beauty in their simple way of life, and their “living for the other” through a radical living out of Christ’s two great commandments. I also realized that, before I could consider a vocation to the priesthood, I felt that I needed to live a life of selflessness—something the Franciscans exemplify.

Now, let me reiterate, that I felt that I NEEDED to live a life of selflessness. I don’t mean that I lived a terribly sinful life, and I’m not a glutton for punishment. I am, however, someone who lets honor go to my head, and I can be a bit of a know-it-all. So, before I took on the duties of alter Christus, I figured I should serve others and learn to empty out myself.

All during this period, I only talked with a few close friends about my discernment. It’s kind of funny, but the same vocation pestering train comes rolling through whenever a young man mentions that he’s considering a vocation. People all offer to pray for you as you discern, but they always add the “to x” part, as if they already know the outcome.

There was also a part of me that felt like, if I let other folks know, and then I discern a vocation to, gasp, marriage, that I might let them down. I don’t like letting folks down. With the priest shortages, it’s also hard not to feel like I would be letting the Church down, since I was mindful enough to even consider the priesthood, not common among a lot of young men.

So I “prayed to my Father in secret,” and read. I read a lot. Well, for me a lot is probably what a bibliophile reads in 30 minutes, but for me it was a lot. And then, I contacted the Franciscans vocation office.

They were very nice, and wanted to assure me that discernment takes a long time. They also assured me that I was not undertaking discernment alone. Also, they let me know that, either way, as long as I was open to God’s will, I would be doing the right thing. They gave me some books to read, and prayed for me.

Knowing a little about the life of the Friars, I attempted to live a more simple life, fasting and attempting to start praying the Divine Office. I also really tried to picture life in community, and totally living for others.

Well, long story short, I discerned a call to marriage with the one friend I talked to most about my discernment. She helped me during my discernment, by asking questions that a lot of others wouldn’t. Rather than just exploding with joy and excitement at my discernment, she wanted me to make sure to ask myself questions throughout, and always try to take myself out of the equation. Ultimately, she taught me how to offer myself, my life, to God.

My discernment has made a great impact on me, though, and I strongly suggest everyone seriously consider the religious life and/or priesthood. There is a lot to be learned from considering those states of life that can translate into our eventual vocation. Discerning with the Franciscans made me mindful of simplicity, and the impact of my life on others. It helped me realize that, even though I am now married and expecting a child, I am still called to that radical love, now for my wife and family in a very special way. I am still called to empty myself completely, this time in the sense St. Paul spoke of in Ephesians, for the sanctification of my wife.