Are There Many Types of Love?

Are there many types of love? No. Just…. No. Absolutely not.

Are you surprised by this? You shouldn’t be. To love is to will the good of the other. The problem is that we, you and me, fail at this Every Single Day. We are actually remarkably bad at loving. We’re ok as long as we’re talking about things like coffee, our favorite bands and TV shows, or people we like. But loving our neighbor; That person who challenges us or annoys us? Nope.

It would make sense if being unloving made us happier but the opposite is true. This is because we were made to love and to be loved. Our entire being - body, intellect, will and soul, were created to reflect this reality. When we turn away from this reality weird things happen. It not only affects our entire person, but how we relate to everyone and everything around us.

Now I can go on about how disordered our relationships are. I can go through how many women I know who have eating disorders or were coerced into having abortions. I can’t count how many people I know whose life choices have led them to depression, drugs, STDs, divorce and unhappy marriages, and using others for pleasure and instant gratification. And of course we are all guilty of gossip or resenting others for needing us to go outside of our comfort zone or not behaving in a way we think they should. If I had a penny for each judgmental and snarky thought or comment I have ever made I would be rich.

Or maybe the opposite is true. Maybe we just let others go down their self-destructive path because we can’t be bothered or believe we don’t have the right to tell others that what they are doing is wrong. (This last one drives me crazy because we tell people how to act All The Time. We tell our children to be polite. We tell people not to drink and drive, rob banks, or rape or murder, etc.)

Sometimes we notice the unloving thoughts within ourselves and try to fix them through force of will or positive thinking. This is great as far as it goes. But the real problem is that we have fallen away from God and have a distorted view of ourselves. We will never see ourselves as beautiful and wonderful as God sees us so we feel free to debase ourselves and others.

I have heard it said that Christianity is nothing but a bunch of arbitrary, archaic rules set to keep us from having fun. If you subscribe to this belief then what I will say next is really going to surprise you

God is love. Love is willing the good of the other. Love is to be in communion with the other: to love and be loved. God is a person who can be known. That person is Jesus Christ, fully God and fully human. Jesus sees you as worth dying for so he can spend eternity with you. Do you know anybody else who loves you that much?? Don’t you really want to be loved that passionately and perfectly?

The problem isn’t that we don’t want to be loved that way – we were created for ecstatic love. It’s that we’re afraid that that kind of love is a lie or that we’re not worthy of it. We are so busy trying to avoid being hurt that we’ll even make excuses and drama so that we refuse to see the love that is right in front of us. We tell ourselves that it’s easier to live in a prison of our own making (and blame others for it) than to risk accepting ourselves as God made us. Except that it isn’t easier; it’s a living hell.

Do yourself a favor: Allow yourself to be loved. Just see if it’s real. Close your door and in private and ask God if He’s real. Ask God if it’s true. Ask God to make Himself known to you in a way that you can understand. What do you have to lose?

God is a person. God loved you enough to will you into existence. God wills what is best for you. And God is asking to love you. ..Now.