How to have a happy marriage (or Using Christ's like actions towards perpetual unions)

In the visit to the Holy Face Monastery in Clifton, NJ in the Feast of the Transfiguration I was able to meet somebody who still brings a picture of her long deceased spouse and touches it at the call for peace and lightly kisses it. This radiant woman admits that she was blessed to meet a spouse whom they did everything together and had beautiful impassioned discussions from sports to theology, so losing him to illness was like “losing five persons”.

I was touched because my husband and I have similar love of each other and share many topics and interests but we are younger still and could learn from the lessons of those that have walked the vocation of marriage into eternal bliss.

From that meeting and knowing other wonderful widows cherishing their spouses’ memory and couples who are still alive to celebrate more milestone, I give a give run down of what one can do and don’t for the married state.

Do aspire for holiness for it is the basis of every happy fruit. Make daily prayer life, especially Masses and rosaries, embedded in families and marriages. With it comes joy and thanksgiving which will radiate to your spouse foremost of all people, because those are the trademarks of knowing God’s love, and what better way to know it than through the sacraments.

Make sacrificial gestures common place. Do not be afraid of that action which totally obliterates your preference in favor of the other’s. Marriage is a training ground for martyrdom. Giving up attachments should be easy. As a friend said, women should work to contribute to the marriage, and this includes contributing whether financially or physically but always in love, hospitality, and morality because the woman is the “light of the family” and if the light is dark, it is dark indeed. So men, look to a woman with honor in her heart and yours.

Do not think or act anything that will cause division (jealousy, hatred of the inlays, stinginess towards one’s partner). Jesus was so full of love for the Father and approached His life to being united with Him in all things. The wife should submit to the husband as is proper (1 Peter) for even in what seems to be off-putting ultimately will work for the good of those who love Him. Arguments should be obliterated in favor of peace (really the only reason for arguments is to defend the faith, and some saints like Servant of God Elizabeth Leseur who maintained a happily married life and diary despite tied to a church-defiant husband shows that this can be done with great tact and grace instead of nagging). An easy mnemonic would be to see Jesus crucified in the faces of the people, especially spouses when they are difficult. As Jesus loved them, so must we. This was how a couple in our church saved their marriage and they are married so long they always beat other couples in the who’s-longest-married-dance game. One of them saw Christ in the other in a vision and resolved never to aggrieve him again. Another friend of mine suggested total silence for the woman when it comes to an argument-in-the-offing. Because women can get started whether they being in the thought or the tongue level, we must stick to praising God and giving men encouragement and prayers, the real catalysts of sanctity.