Why they leave

Why do so many Catholics leave the Church? Some claim to be "spiritual rather than religious", as though these two concepts were mutually exclusive. Others are offended by the Church’s social teachings, which they find to be overly restrictive and anachronistic. Still others would rather not be bothered with Sunday obligations, observance of Holy Days, and participating in the Sacraments.

Those, of course, are just a few of the myriad excuses and rationalizations that former Catholics give for walking away from the Church. I don’t call them reasons, because I have difficulty believing that any of them are sufficient cause for someone to abandon their faith.

I think the real reason people leave is that the Catholic faith no longer fulfills their spiritual needs. I know that’s why I left for a while. By the time I was a sophomore in college, my Catholic beliefs had begun to lose their relevance to my life; or so I thought at the time. I started to ask a lot of questions, and Catholicism no longer was providing me with satisfactory answers to those questions. Consequently, I decided that it no longer was worth my time to continue seeking them there. I think a lot of former Catholics both have had this experience and reached the same conclusion.

So, why does it happen? Why does the spiritual sustenance provided by the Catholic faith cease to satisfy so many former Catholics? I can’t answer for all; but I think that for many—myself included—the process begins the moment they are Confirmed. A common misconception among many Catholics is that Confirmation represents a graduation of sorts. The confirmed has learned everything that he or she ever will need to know about being Catholic, and thus can move on with life without pursuing further education in the faith.

Herein lies the problem: These graduated Catholics eventually mature into adults who have an immature understanding of the faith. By fourteen or so years of age, we’ve mastered all of the what’s, when’s and who’s of the faith, but have not yet begun to plumb the depths of the how’s or the why’s. As adults we need those how’s and why’s; and if we haven’t given a thought to our faith since we were little more than children, we never realize the richness of the answers with which our Catholic faith provides us.

One might argue, however, that childlike faith is all anyone should need. After all, Jesus does ask us to be like children. I do concede the latter point: Children and the childlike possess qualities necessary to build a meaningful relationship with God—they are trusting, joyful, and open to love. But children also grow. To be childlike is to be forever growing, forever seeking, and forever maturing into a deeper and more complete relationship with God.

I didn’t learn this lesson until well into my adult life. Fortunately the Church warmly welcomes back her boomerang children. That’s a message that needs to get out to our former Catholic friends. And when they tell you that they’re more spiritual than religious—and they will—ask them how their spiritual needs are being met since leaving the Church. They probably won’t have a ready answer, but the question might start them thinking…and seeking…and with some gentle encouragement, rediscovering Catholicism and the spiritual fulfillment our faith can bring.