On a Theology of Marriage

A few months ago I took a four-part class on the Sacraments. It was a good class, and I learned quite a bit. However, I was a little disappointed in the coverage of Holy Matrimony. It later was pointed out to me that the theology of marriage is somewhat underdeveloped compared to that of the other six Sacraments. That, of course, was incentive enough for me to start philosophizing on the matter. Admittedly, I am only an armchair theologian, and I have made no formal study of married couples. I can, however, speak from experience.

I was called to married life. I didn't know it when I was younger, but I am certain of it now. I'm even more certain that I was called specifically to be married to my husband. When we first started dating, I had been away from the Church for close to twenty years. Andy, by comparison, had not missed a Sunday obligation for as long as he could remember. I could tell his faith was important to him and, in a vague sort of way that I didn't quite understand, that appealed to me. Still, despite his devotion to the Church, Andy never pushed me; never made my attending Mass a requirement of our relationship. Rather, he simply made it clear to me that I was welcome to join him any time I wanted.

As we grew closer, I found that I wanted to share with Andy those things that were important to him; and his faith was one of those things. So, I joined him at Mass and eventually found my way back to God.

It wasn't until several years into our married life, however, that I came to understand the sacramental nature of marriage. An acute health issue landed Andy in the hospital. He spent the first few days in the CCU in a semi-conscious state and with blood pressure that was dangerously high and unresponsive to treatment. I had never before known fear the way I did during that time. But I also had never before been consumed by so much love. I was astonished by the depth and power of that feeling. I had no idea that I was capable of loving another person that intensely.

Only later did I realize that I wasn't capable of that kind of love, not on my own, not without the Holy Spirit. The love that filled my heart at that moment did not have me as its source; I was as much the beloved as was my husband. It was God's love, made present in the sacrament of our marital bond.

It is in contemplating this experience that I have acquired my understanding of the sacredness of Holy Matrimony. Simply stated, I believe that the love between a man and a woman who have committed their lives to one another is an expression of God's love for all humanity--intimate, powerful, and eternal. For many, that love attains its fullest expression in the creation and nurturing of new life; for others in the adoption of spiritual children. For all, it extends beyond the couple to reassure those who are in need of love that the world is not as cold and hopeless as they might believe it to be.

So there you have it. I'm sure some might say that my theology is overly sentimental, lacking in philosophical depth, or is nothing more than a quaint paraphrase of someone else's more eloquent comments on the matter. Even so, when I think about marriage this way, I can't help but praise God for the blessing that is my husband and the joy that is our married life. And, if you also are married, I pray my words inspire you to do the same.