Paul's discourse on marriage: More relevant now than ever

I really like Saint Paul. I would even go so far as to say that I rank him alongside Teresa of Avila in terms of historical figures I'd like to be when I grow up. I admire Paul’s courage, his confidence, and his spiritual maturity.

That said, I am acutely aware that many of my female contemporaries—and probably some men, too—do not share my favorable opinion of Paul. In particular, they do not much care for his discourses on marriage. For example, they regard Paul's instruction to women to “be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians, 5:22) as being unenlightened and misogynistic.

I will concede that—when taken at face value—Paul’s directive to married women does seem a might cringe-worthy. But that is a very narrow reading. To fully appreciate Paul’s teachings, one needs to consider his primary aims when he penned his letters and the context in which he wrote them.

Paul’s objective was to spread the Gospel of Jesus. He did not intend to change an entire social order. Had he tried to do that, he probably would have met with even more resistance than he did, and been martyred long before he was. Accordingly, if Paul wanted to succeed in his mission, he had to choose his battles carefully.

Consider the pagan culture of the first century. Pagan men of this era chose their wives as they would any other piece of livestock, judging them based on their sturdiness, functionality, and capacity to reproduce. Accordingly, as would be expected of any beast of burden, women cowed to the one holding the reins—i.e., their husbands. In other words, men were in charge of the ancient pagan world. If Paul wanted to convert the masses, he would need to appeal to them.

So Paul framed his message in such a way that pagan men would not feel that they had anything to lose by converting to Christianity. He knew that he would be scandalizing the men when he said “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it” (Ephesians, 5:28-30). The implication of this directive is that women are worthy of the same respect and love that a man accords to himself.

The idea of a man loving his wife was quite an innovation in those days, and one that Paul knew would be difficult for pagan men to accept. Thus, he made a concession: he asked that wives continue to subordinate to their husbands. The rationale was that men might be more willing to change their attitudes toward women—to love them as Jesus taught—if they were certain that the status hierarchy would remain intact. Well played, Saint Paul.

I can already guess what my opponents are thinking: The world has changed; this sort of concession no longer is necessary; why does the Church continue to keep this reading in the lectionary given that it no longer is relevant? I would argue that Paul’s discourse on marriage is more relevant now than ever because it is a lesson about meeting people where they are; and meeting people where they are is at the heart of the New Evangelization. Everyone is at a different place in his or her faith journey; and if we are to be effective evangelists, we need to understand that some need to be fed milk rather than solid food (1 Corinthians, 3:2).

Just as Paul’s Ephesian audience was not ready to hear that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28), some would-be believers are not yet ready to hear the Gospel in full. We must begin with the fundamentals: God is loving and merciful; and Jesus wants us to love God above all things and our neighbors as ourselves.