There’s a Cost to Living a Smaller Life

I’ve live a smaller life. Always have.  Not small in activity or work or even in the depth of my friendships—but small in numbers. Fewer people. A quieter circle.

I don’t remember when I consciously chose this life. But somewhere along the way, my life became more intentional about who I spend time with and how I spend it. And if I’m being honest, I likely would choose it again.

But here’s the thing I don’t always say out loud:  There’s a cost to living this way.

A full life isn’t about how many friends you have, but about the ones you do have—are they the people you would walk through fire for? In my case, yes.

But even with that… there are times when I want to spend time with someone, and they don’t always have time for me.  And that’s where loneliness finds its way in.

So why not just let more people in?

So why not just widen the circle? Add more people. Fill the space.  I suppose I could. But I’m not sure that would be “me”.  There are reasons to embrace a smaller life….privacy, less chaos, quiet solitude.  However, loneliness has a way of settling in quietly.  And since my life has been this way for so long, anything other than “quiet” would feel uncomfortable or invasive.  Loneliness gives you time—too much time—to think, to overthink, to imagine conversations that never happened and answer questions that were never asked. And too often, those answers don’t come from truth.

And don’t say you never talk to yourself.  We all do it.  I know I do, especially when I’m at home with no one there to listen.  I’m a great listener and, of course, I have all the answers.  And those answers are not always the right ones.

When I truly need some spiritual solace, I go to the place that has become my refuge—church.  I sit. I talk. I pray. I bring it all to Jesus, the one friend who is always there.  And it helps.  But if I’m being honest… sometimes I wonder if the answers I hear are from Him, or from my own thoughts trying to fill the silence.

So, is the cost of a smaller life worth it?  Some days, I’m not so sure.

Friends are the family you choose

And then there are the days when the few people in my life show up—when a conversation, a phone call, an invitation for dinner, a moment, a simple connection reminds me exactly why I chose this life in the first place.

Those moments can be enough…… At least for a while.

I remind myself often that just because I feel lonely at times, doesn’t mean the people I love are failing me. They have their own lives—families, responsibilities, demands that pull at them in ways I understand.  I don’t expect them to drop everything for me.

But occasionally, I believe the Holy Spirit nudges them… and they reach out at just the right time.  And it matters more than they know.  In many ways, it is what keeps me from completely drowning in sadness.

So, am I willing to live with the cost of a smaller, quieter life?  I have so far.

However, I suspect that as I get older, loneliness may become harder.    Maybe that means I need to loosen my grip on solitude just a little… and make room for a few more people along the way.  I’m still figuring that part out.

But for now, I hold onto this truth:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

And when the loneliness comes, as it sometimes does, I pray something simple:

Lord,
You know the quiet places in my heart better than anyone.
When I feel alone, remind me that I am not.
Fill the spaces I cannot fill myself with those I love, asking them to be there for me.  But when loneliness overwhelms me, help me trust that You are present.
Amen.