Faith In Action--Love In Correction (Nagging wives, take note)

Truly when one is suffering from sin, until one achieves true and deep repentance, the accusations and condemning will be there, sometimes it will stay after Confession, for us to reflect some more the gravity of what we committed so we will be convicted to not do it again.
For healing to happen, there will have to be a diagnosis of what ails one and then the actions of the healer can proceed.

A recent EWTN Christmas letter had Father Joseph Mary sharing the story of St. Jerome who was asked by the Child Jesus at Christmas: What gift do you have for me?
He had just finished translating the Bible into Latin, which took 40 years of labor, so he said, "I offer you the Word of God!" Jerome said.
Jesus repeated the question, unsatisfied, and Jerome said, "My being a hermit, my fasting, my vocation, my service to the poor..."
Jesus was still not satisfied that Jerome had exhausted seemingly all possible answers he can give. So he asked, "Jesus, what gift do You want me to give you for Christmas?"
Jesus replied, "Your sins, whatever separates you from me. Your pride, your addictions, your anger. Let me take them from you. Give them to me and let me be a Saviour to you!"

This is the pathway of healing, as defined as restoration, rejuvenation, transformation, which is different and higher than a cure. Healing, by its nature, involves a spiritual diagnosis. One continues the symptoms of suffering until one realizes the reason behind it. It is not usually the case of simply something was done to us, but it is something we did to ourselves and other people. Usually what we do to other people is also reflective of what we do to God--lukewarmness, distrust, doubt are transferable attitudes and behaviours to the Divine Spouse to the earthy spouse to other people. The external scenario is less important as the internal bearing as that is the constant in all situations.

To realize what ails one requires many thoughtful moments with a spiritual director, or several confessors or a series of confessions where a facet of the problem is shared as more emotional learnings are uncovered. In this issue of my husband's Christmas separation from it, my sharing to numerous priest-confessors-advisers disclosed valuable insight that I would be too closeminded to accept and that pointed to both the larger picture as well as to changes that I had to adopt right away. One pointed cultural explanations for why he would make his family of origin seem to be all encompassing depsite my protestations. Another said I have to work it like all other women who would like to stay married, to look hot, smell good, wear sexy outfits and be conversationally seductive of my husband. Another yielded not being too attached that I am desponded at his non-return and that it may be safe to give him space anyway. Two very wisely came with the same judgement that I am suffering not because God willed it, but because I sinned, in my pride, in my refusal to stay silent and thankful. A friend offered in his own sharing a tip where we should be constantly praying for our spouses, standing in proxy for them in healing masses if we attend. I took all this in and so many more, but the biggest breakthrough was in front of the Blessed Sacrament, with Him exposed, I cried out, I am not a worthy wife, you sent him back and I pulled him away like I forgot everything I knew I should do with humility and smallness and overlooking faults and submission and kindness. Dear Lord, forgive me. Then I truly was convicted of my grave contribution, for until then, I was blaming him, my inlaws, his sibmling, his paternal centric family all the way to his grandparents. I blamed the extended family and my friends and his homeloving, hardworking, non-vacationing preference. Dear Lord, I saw how fickle I was in my judgement of people--that I by nature am a critic, a negative thinker, a naysayer, a doom and gloom prophet, instead of an encourager. It seems I help and carry everyone but my family especially my spouse, whom I belittle subtly and yet felt attacked when he doesn't support my or our attendance in additional church activities together, ie Bible Studies, conferences, healing masses. Is it not enough that we say the rosary and have daily mass? Should we go to two?

But more importantly the realization of the inconstancy of me: if I know E had been assigned to be my protector and husband, why am I doubting his love? is he not beign a husband by providing for me, even in my most annoying? That other men could have ust packed without looking back and he still stays faithful to our vows. If I know hon to be the person who led me closest to God after my Mom, then I should maintain he is also destined for sanctity despite his noncharismatic interests. If I know his family to be among the prayerful ones I know in America, why would i condemn them as heretics especially it has been proven that sepration can be healthy and even safe from violent temptations to anger for everyone. Dear Lord, when I saw my contributions, and the negativism that accompanied it, I offered my sins to Jesus the way He asked of it from Jerome. I offered it in tears the same way the Hispanic lady that prayed after me did, but with her arms outstretched to receive all the mercy and forgiveness in front of the Blessed Sacramament, Spanish praise music coming from her phone.

Diagnosis--negativism--made, it is almost immediate that in front of Jesus, healing can and did happen. For my suffering immediately lifted. My husband had not returned. But I know the situation clearly now--my nagging tongue, my harsh, cynical views, my bossy tone. I begged God for forgiveness--take these sins away, Lord, I don't want them! Jesus gave me a prescription then: I have to love like He does, see them like He does, nothing less. I have to see with merciful eyes always. Also I have to not let anything not joyful enter into me. Mother Angelica confirmed this for me in another way: Tears will not get us to heaven but laughter will. I have to stay in joy to attract people in joy. The moment I deviate from feeling joyful is a time where I have to check where I have let negativism and rushed and harried thinking has gotten better of me. I also am told of quickfixes of moments of stress to avoid getting my tongue involved in any hurtful output.

The Marian way: To pray the Hail Mary and clutch a rosary.
The Jesus way: To say his name over and over; in any language it is most calming.
The Holy Spirit way: Calling on Him to take over and start rejoicing, saying "Thank you, Holy Spirit, for __. Thank you, Jesus, for __"
The Trinitarian way: To die in to self, staying in silent for the fulfillment of a higher plan and making a pitch towards peace.

Finally, I see that If I believe a certain thing, I should not entertain anything that opposes that belief. This is the criteria of faith. This is the steadfastness and the constancy of faith. It will serve us in love too. For if I affirmed goodness of a person in a certain way, I cannot keep hankering on him on the negative stuff.