Violation of rights—Jesus’ experience and ours

Have you ever been in a situation where a person violated your rights? Excluding political-civil rights, there are several ways a person can violate someone else’s rights on an interpersonal level.  Here are some examples:

1)      Being prevented from voicing a grievance; being “stonewalled” from conducting negotiations in good faith.

2)      Having your privacy violated—which could include someone stalking you, reading your emails and other personal information.

3)      Making unilateral decisions that affect the other person (financial choices, family choices) without consultation.

4)      Emotional or psychological abuse: constant criticism, belittling, gaslighting, humiliation, or threats.

5)      Having personal autonomy limited or prevented—making it uncomfortable for the other person to individuate from others by having their own preferences, likes and interests.

Unfortunately, we can find toxic people everywhere in our society, and they can even be a family member, co-worker or someone in authority.  Frequently, we discover the toxicity much later, due to the fact that these individuals are very good at making excuses and causing others to feel guilty when they protest the behavior in any way.

How do  we know someone just made a mistake by treating us poorly, or if they are truly toxic and potentially dangerous?  The key is looking at patterns of behavior.  Let’s look at how Jesus’ rights were violated, and what we can learn from his experience.

Jesus was no stranger to abuse and mistreatment.The Gospels record several occasions in which the religious leaders—especially the Pharisees—deliberately tried to trap Jesus or force him into a compromising position. They wanted to tarnish his reputation by causing him to contradict mosaic law.   Jesus experienced the ultimate betrayal from whom was thought to be a beloved apostle, Judas, with thirty pieces of silver.  He was stripped and whipped with onlookers who cheered on the soldiers in a humiliating display.  Jesus was also shuffled around from Pilate to Herod and back again, as if he was a pitiful animal with no home. Lastly, He carried a heavy cross, while being spat upon and cursed all the while, just to set up his own crucifixion site on a hill.

Jesus never protested this treatment, however He did answer questions when asked by Pilate, and this was difficult for Pilate because he was heavily invested in the politics of the day and could not truly hear the truth of Jesus’ words.

Jesus did not answer Herod; He never opened his mouth.  Understand that Jesus felt it was counterproductive to talk to him, that He was casting His pearls before Herod.  We should also take note that we don’t have to have discourse with everyone who demands our attention.  We have a choice.

Jesus is teaching us that when we discuss the truth, some people may lash out and cause more problems, and often nothing will change this trajectory.   Here is one of the ways you know you are dealing with a toxic person.  Disordered individuals will not take ownership of their behaviors. A common fake apology is “ I am sorry you feel that way”.   They will deflect, ignore, and the anger could escalate into something more serious. 

Jesus is also teaching us that LESS IS MORE.  If a person cares about you, they will not want you to be something you are not--existing merely to serve their needs which may change from day to day.   A toxic person wants you to over-explain, and offer more than enough information, so that it can be used later in some sort of emotionally abusive ambush. 

Jesus was always in a state of continual prayer.  When we feel confused and disrespected, Jesus is telling us to do what He did.  PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. Dispel the darkness.  Keep your mind on Our Lord always.  He will uphold you with His righteous right hand.

There was a mob mentality during Jesus’ time, and Jesus was the target of the day.  He knew this.  At times, others can detect your spirit and attempt to undermine who you were created to be in the eyes of God.  Jesus’ role in our salvation could not be undermined.  It was attempted, and it failed miserably.

Try to remember this fact when you are unjustly accused or you are the subject of gossip.  Observe if someone is doing this continually, or if they give a sincere apology and make a change of heart for mistreating you.  The behavior AFTER the violation is the key to understanding  someone’s intentions with you and assist you in making sense of future interactions.  One last point:  We are not to become the thing that we do not want to be.  Do not engage in behaviors that would challenge your efforts to be always Christ-like.  Pray for toxic people, that they may come to a self-awareness that internal peace will only come from calling upon the humility and charity of Christ.