In the Silence, I found you.

In my prayer time a few years ago, I was praying about what a successful Lent would look like for me. For context, I was deep in the trenches of raising five little souls for the Kingdom, and up to this point every Lent seemed like another year to punish myself by trying to tackle too much change at Lent, and being overwhelmed by feelings of shame and regret. When you are knee deep in raising little ones, you can often be in a state of permanent but functional exhaustion. Lent comes right after you have battled the cold and flu season, sunless days perpetuate, all activities are indoors, you miss fresh air and you can feel like you have been living “Lent” for a few months. At the same time, I was feeling the grace of the sacraments and wanting to grow deeper in my faith.

I remember asking the Lord what He wanted from me that Lent and his words were clear and simple. “I want you to seek silence. Multiple times in your day, I want you to stop and be present to me.” Wow. Immediately, there was a deep peace that this ask brought within me. However, very quickly the practicality of how to do this, and the doubts started to creep in. “How would that look in a practical sense? How many times a day? Was that enough to give up for Lent? Should I be doing more or giving up more?” I felt like I had more questions than I had answers and my need to control my lent was clear. He was inviting me into a different Lenten season than I had envisioned for myself. Essentially, He was asking two things of me. Would I give up trying to control my Lent this year? and would I make time to seek communion with Him in silence?

My response: of course.

I sat down with my family, and shared what the Lord had laid on my heart. I didn’t want my little ones to grow alarmed when I was quiet and withdrawn multiple times in the day. I clearly remember hearing the little voices throughout that Lent “Shhhhhh, she’s being with God.” Or “Be quiet. Mom’s praying.” These little tender reminders that they were watching and learning how to make time for God in their day.

In a practical sense, I could be washing the dishes, and I would just pause, close my eyes, and whisper “Jesus, I love you” remaining quiet for a few moments. I would get in the car to run an errand, pausing before starting the ignition saying “Jesus, I am here.” As I was standing folding laundry at the dryer, I would stop and be with Him in the quiet. I would often open my eyes and see a little one patiently waiting to ask me a question, but respecting that sacred space. What started as an intentional pause in my day, became these beautiful moments of peace and grace!

In that Lenten season, the Lord was teaching me multiple lessons during those times of silence. Our Lord was not hidden in a tabernacle waiting for a longer break in my week, He was making Himself available to me whenever I cried out, whenever my heart sought Him. He was teaching me in that Lenten season something childlike that I had forgotten. He is a good, good Father that delights in His children. He just wanted to be with me.

It just seemed too simple: Make time for Him in the silence. However, what He knew and I didn’t, were the beautiful fruits that come when we surrender our will to the Lord’s and allow Him to do a greater work within us. I traded in control for obedience, and what I received was a greater season of inner peace. I traded in silence, for the chaotic noise of this world, and the Lord made me a calming presence in my home. I cried out to Him when I was angry, frustrating or lonely, and He renewed my heart with His presence.

As you begin this Lenten season of repentance and denial, I wanted to share 5 reminders from scripture that can help us dive deeper into this season of Lent.

“The Lord is kind and merciful” Psalm 103:8. Lent is a very personal season where the Lord is calling us back to His heart. Given time in prayer with Him, He will reveal the areas of our hearts that need His tender care. The Lord sends His Holy Spirit, in His tender mercy, to convict us of areas where we need His care. The Lord never condemns, only the Enemy sows seeds of condemnation.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". Matthew 11:28: Come as you are. Not the brave face that you put up to everyone, but the stripped down, raw and vulnerable you that awaits His unconditional love. The invitation is not to wait until you have it all together, your littleness delights His heart. When you are amidst chaos, let the Lord restore order for you, and speak boldly into your identity as Beloved.

“I have called you and you are mine.”- Isaiah 43:1. You have been called by God into this season. Lent is different for each one of us because we serve a personal God: a God who has called you by name to Himself. He knows the desires of your heart, and the needs that you keep hidden. You are His beloved. He can offer you so much more than all the substitutions you have been using to bring joy and hope to your life.

“Cast all your worries upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 The Lord doesn’t just want our adoration and love. He wants our struggles, and our pain. Don’t listen to those little voices that try to belittle your situation, or make you feel like you burden God with your worries. We serve a majestic and powerful God who awaits the opportunity to walk with you, and relieve your mind and heart of suffering.

“He is not here, for he has been raised just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Matthew 28:6 Jesus wins. His resurrection story is our source of hope and joy. At the end of this Lenten season, we will be invited to leave parts of our brokenness behind in the tomb as we enter into new life in places of our spiritual journey. What the Holy Spirit invites us to leave behind will become clear as we follow His Lead into this season.

Is the Lord inviting you into a different Lent than you had planned? Is the Holy Spirit quietly confirming a need for change in another area? Are you ready to give up control and be led?

May this Lent be your best yet, as you let Him love you in the quiet places of your heart.