How Will I Know (If He Really Loves Me)?

I was encouraged recently to put some work into what I would say to someone who comes to me in spiritual direction with a basic explicit or implict question: Does God love me? Am I worthy to lay claim to being loved by God?

Let's take for granted that the person asking this question already can answer it intellectually, and agrees in her mind that, yes, God is love (1 John 4:7), that He loves the world (John 3:16), which includes me. But what if this information has about as much personal resonance as the fact that there is a species of monkey called the Japanese macaque that lives in a forest outside of Osaka? In other words, what if I don't dispute the veracity of the claim, but I cannot connect to it as having any meaning for how I live?

Let's continue with affirming the intellectual assent towards the theological truth that God exists and that He is good with the reminder that God rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6). I would point out that this matter of seeking God is a function of faith -- a choosing to trust and to entrust. I would further affirm that Jesus does not need big faith; he will work with, cooperate with, very basic, very small faith (Matthew 17:20). It can be helpful to pray, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). 

One path of approach here is to begin with some meditation on who God is. "God is love." 
God, I believe that you are love, but I admit I don't really know love. I don't really know who you are.  What kind of feelings rise up if you tell God this? 

Do you feel nervous, as around a stranger?
Do you feel excited to think that you can address God and actually speak to him?
Do you feel guilty, as if you've damaged something?
Do you feel cut off, like you are talking to a brass sky, and that there's nothing out there?
Do you feel inadequate, like this shouldn't be difficult for you? 
Do you feel silly, like you shouldn't need this?

What feelings arise? 

It's important to look at the feelings within you because as in any relationship between two people, what is going on within both is vital information. Feelings are information, even though I myself am much more than what I feel.

I would talk through the feelings that arise, to try to touch upon the basic need in us, and the revealed truth about who God is.

If I feel nervous, I might need to know God accepts me as I am today. I don't have to prove my worth. (I am fearfully and wonderfully made [Psalm 139:13-14]; I am created in the image and likeness of God [Genesis 1:27]; You are precious in my eyes and honored and I love you [Isaiah 43:4])

If I feel excited, I might need to be encouraged to start out on the long discipline of daily growth (Be diligent in these matter, be absorbed in them, so that your progress may be evident to everyone. [1 Timothy 4:15]; So as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in him, rooted in him and built upon him, and established in the faith as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving [Colossians 2:6-7])

If I feel guilty, I might need help to understand that it is God's love that purifies us, and that we all stand in need our purification. It's no barrier to God loving us. (If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins,  and cleanse us from every wrongdoing [1 John 1:9]; Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world [John 1:29]; But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us [Romans 5:8])

If I feel cut off, perhaps despairing or rejected by God, I might need help to realize how constantly God is in pursuit of me (I will allure her now, I will lead her into the wilderness and speak persuasively to her [Hosea 2:16]; the Good Shepherd goes after the lost sheep until he finds it [Luke 15:1-7]; Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door then I will enter his house and dine with him and he with me [Revelation 3:20])

If I feel inadequate, I might think receiving God's love is something humans should be able to master all on their own, without help from God or others. (Therefore encourage one another and build one another up [1 Thessalonians 5:11]; We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works. We should not stay away from our assembly [Hebrews 10:24-25]; Draw your strength from the Lord and from His mighty power [Ephesians 6:10])

If I feel silly, like I shouldn't need love, I might need help acknowledging that God is my Father, and I his child, and the preciousness and safety of this status (Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven [Matthew 18:1-5]; When I see the heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you set in place -- what is man that you are mindful of him? [Psalm 8:4-5]) 

This of course could be a conversation enduring and morphing for a lifetime. Once we surface our felt needs and get an intial handle on the truth God would speak into that need, I would recommend spending a time of daily prayer with a passage from the gospels, asking the Lord to speak into these basic needs more about who he is and who you are. Journal a bit about it. Then bring it back into spiritual direction to explore it some more.