9-day novena to St Joseph | Day 6
Sponsored
Catholic365 is sponsored by
Road to Purity
“No!”
Flames exploded from Satan as he howled at the minion. The little fallen angel was bowled into ‘The Evil’ presence by his fellow minions. Funny, how they disappeared. The unfortunate minion raised the subject of unionizing against Satan, as tactfully as he could. The stagnant atmosphere, now rocked with a volcanic fireball throughout the hollows of hell.
“Why not?” screeched the little black greaseball who triggered Satan’s wrath.
“Because I said so!” exploded Satan. He belched, singeing the room to a crispy black. His eructations smelled of digested deviled eggs.
“That’s not a good argument,” stared the creature, framing his stubby wings as protection for his skull.
Satan stomped his foot threateningly. Encouraged at not being incinerated, the minion stepped forward to push his case. The oily imp had temerity. He was sick of the abuse from the father of all blast furnaces. Gremlins were still sore at Screwtape for repositioning their sidekick, Wormwood.
“Let me repeat,” Satan shrieked. “This is Hell. I am the Lord of the Losers and no, you can’t unionize.” Satan felt better after his tirade; like stretching before exercise.
“Sorry, but times have changed,” the courageous minion continued. “Fewer people today, fear Your Loathsomeness. If humans can be entitled, so can we.” The minion continued. “Fewer young souls exist with contraception and abortion. Yet, soul-quotas are subject to inflation. We need healthcare, including vision, dental and paid holidays. We want 3 union stewards as middle management, to avoid Your Wrathfulness. We’d like vacations in Siberia or Minnesota. You know … someplace comfortable. Florida is too humid; it makes our tails frizzy. Besides Florida has hurricanes. We get enough hot air, listening to you.”
Satan spat. No one in hell stood up to him. Drawing the short straw, this arrogant demon was calm, despite Satan’s potential to devour him. Imps did not relish scenic tours of Satan’s insides. Who knows who else was in there? Satan killed messengers, which begot the phrase, scared to death. However, rebellion was their one-and-done admission ticket. It’s not like they could go to hell again. The minion finished his speech, surprised to be uncharred. Another imp with a grimy orange tint, was loitering in Satan’s lobby. Since fallen angels are sexless, he identified as female like earthlings do now. Orange was milling around, fingering the ornamentation, acting like he didn’t know anything. Anticipating the outcome, he continued to eavesdrop. It was loud, who could help it? However, if caught, he would deny everything.
Just then a rooster crowed.
Satan hesitated when he heard the cockcrow but refocused on the black minion. The minion blinked silently. The Prince of Darkness drooled lava, speechless. The dark minion stood his ground with an apprehensive, yet confident look. What’s the worst that could happen? He was already in Hell.
“Get out. Get out of my sight you miserable, ungrateful cretin! I should banish you to…” Satan stopped to think, “room 222. I could make you spend eras alone and in chains,” threatened Satan.
“Oh please, may I?” begged the minion, yearning for a nice vacation.
Satan banged the desk with his fist as it burst into flames. “Dang” swore Satan, “that’s the 3rd time this week and it’s only Monday.” Satan shifted his attention to the minion.
The black minion was scratching a tick mark on the wall asking, “what week is this?” Ignored, the minion headed for the door, when Satan saw his flip flops. Satan made a mental note to delete all flip-flop inventories from the company shoe store. Satan hated flip-flops. They left slimy marks and they sounded annoying. Their noise stole attention. Mostly, it was because he couldn’t wear them. His feet were cloven and bunioned. He could not allow his imperfections seen.
Satan was alone. “Unionize? -- what were they thinking!” Satan wondered if God had problems. He’d ask Him next week, when they talked again.
For eons, Satan ran Hell with an iron fist. No one ever made a peep. He mentored notables such as Hitler, Stalin and the Impaler; none of whom he trusted. They burned in special locked wards, for being too smart. But why a union? And why now? Satan couldn’t remember when he had not abused everyone. He was never known to discriminate. Everyone was treated like garbage. He was the perfect, equal opportunity employer.
Racism was the only sin, of which, Satan was not guilty…
<See below link for Chapter 2: “Jerking Satan’s chain & the burning laptop”>
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1: Talking to a wall
Chapter 2: Jerking Satan’s chain & the burning laptop
Chapter 3: “Hmm …. I guess I read that wrong”
Chapter 4: The devil is in the details
Chapter 5: And what did they want to organize?
Chapter 6: Nothing is ever good enough
Chapter 7: What could be worse?
Chapter 8: The learning curve
Chapter 9: It’s all in the sales pitch
Chapter 10: Uh, huh?
Chapter 11: Just the first day
Chapter 12: Let’s get comfortable
Chapter 13: Take a load off
Chapter 14: The 2nd day & who is messing with whom?
Chapter 15: The meeting of the minds—to waste
Chapter 16: The minions in the Caucus Room or a mind is a terrible thing
Chapter 17: Stop & smell the roses
Chapter 18: Same evening, different place or the mindless are meeting
Chapter 19: Paper, Rock or Scissors
Chapter 20: My issues are stupider than yours!
Chapter 21: You have the right to remain silent
Chapter 22: Let the stupidity begin
Chapter 23: When in hell, it doesn’t matter what day it is
Chapter 24: Insolence at its finest
Chapter 25: Striking for the heck of it
Chapter 26: The signing ceremony
Chapter 27: Mary's contingency is fulfilled
Science cannot explain suffering. As Lay Passionist and nurse, she challenges modern health care assumptions; contraception, abortion, euthanasia, herd immunity and more. Behind every health dilemma, God asks us to abide in Him. Author of 7 books & >20 peer-reviewed nursing journal articles; she also writes as "The Catholic Nurse" on Substack, see "Archives." She is a veteran of the Army Nurse Corps. Her primary charism is mercy through which she explores redemptive suffering, spiritual healing and the joy of bringing of souls to God.
