Keep trying

     It's called perseverance. It's called running the good race. We must keep trying. Trying to get it right. Not listening to the words, "you won't be able to". Some of us just take a little longer. I'm one of those people. I get so frustrated with myself at my failure to get it right. I can only imagine what God thinks when I mess up again and again. I'm counting on His forgiveness. I'm banking on His mercy. Sometimes I want to give up when the sense of it all leaves my mind and doesn't allow my heart to remember that God is at the finish line. When the fog is so thick I find myself with outstretched arms groping for a lifeline to get me on the right path again. 

     I won't give up. Even if I'm the last one to place my foot on that doormat that says "Home". I won't give up. Some days are easy. Some days I don't even know who I am as the words trickle out of my mouth in anger and frustration that seems all-knowing, all in control when they really aren't. When I'm not even thinking about my reactions that I am so sure are true at the moment. Afterwards, realizing, I was so stupid and actually thinking I accomplished my point. There's a time and a place for reaction. It is only after it is well thought out and trusting that God is walking beside me. Guiding me. Teaching me. Loving me. Sometimes I don't want to be taught tho. Sometimes I want to be so adult, but it only leaves the impression that I am still just a child who needs a lot of guidance and discipline. 

     My Guardian Angel picks me up from the rubble and dust me off, like a parent who tried to warn me, but knows this stubborn child won't learn unless she falls. When will my stubborn will be tamed? How many times must God put a bandage on my knees? Slowly, I will learn. 

     I confess the sin of Pride. A horrible thing to have if one wants to have True Peace. 

     Oh! My God! With every beat of My Heart and every breath that I take, from you, out of love for me, I will keep trying. Help me to keep persevering, till I fall into your arms and with a sigh of relief, surrender my will to yours. Yes, I will keep trying.