How I found God's Mercy in my Life.

Have you ever wondered what gifts God has given to you? Since an early age I was taught that God gives to all of us many different skills, but I was never sure what mine were. At school, I wanted to join the choir; after the tryouts, let’s just say that I was invited to join the reading club instead.

Similarly, were my skills for drawing, baking, and not to mention a poor sense of direction. Yet, despite my lack of talents, I grew up a happy girl. I would typically get complimented on my smile and brains, as I used to get good grades at school. But, even if good grades make parents happy, as a teenager, I found them to be of little motivation outside of school. Good grades don’t get you a date to the school dance.

Anyway, life continued. I met my prince charming, and got married and had three children. Life was good, but one ordinary school day, everything changed for me and my family. I was home bathing my four-month old baby, when the phone rang. It was my eldest son’s school letting me know that he was not feeling well. “What’s wrong with him?” I asked surprised since he had left home that morning perfectly fine. “I don’t know” the school secretary replied, “it seems to be a stomach ache. You need to come get him.”

So, I went off to pick up my son without any notion of what has about to happen. I arrived at the school as soon as I could, finding Jose lying on a bed in the nurse’s room. He was soaking. I asked him to stand up so I could take him to the doctor’s clinic and that’s when the panic started: “I can’t walk” he replied.

I guess that it’s hard to believe that something so serious could have been happening to him when he had been completely fine just that morning at home. As the panic hit me, I called my husband and the ambulance. I remember the paramedics rushing him into the ambulance. I felt so sad that my eleven-year old boy was riding in the ambulance by himself, but there was nothing I could do.

I went in to my car with my baby and followed the ambulance to the hospital where my husband was waiting. As the day progressed, I learned that a classmate had brought hot peppers dipped in tabasco sauce to school and dared his friends to eat them. My son, boasting of his Mexican background, ate one of the peppers and immediately felt sick. He spent almost two weeks in intensive care, and over a month in the hospital; his blood pressure was so high that he was in danger of losing his sight or sustaining brain damage. He had a seizure and headaches that were so painful that the doctors administered morphine to alleviate his pain. When the doctors explained me my son’s condition, I couldn’t say a word. I was in shock. I just remember tears coming out of my eyes. Also, as English is my second language, at some point the doctors asked me if I understood what they were saying. I just remember nodding my head. I couldn’t believe that my son was fighting for his life. And then came the inevitable question: Why? Why me, God? I am always helping you, was my thought.

At my son’s bedside; I remembered some words that a friend had taught me many years ago. In those years, my father had a heart surgery and was about to die, yet, he survived. I recall having the same question: Why? Why me? And my good friend taught me that we don’t ask God, Whys? We ask God, What for? What can I learn from this experience? What glory can I offer to God through this struggle?

Without understanding what good could have come from my son being sick, my husband and I kept on praying. I just kept asking to heaven to please give me back my son as he was before the incident. It was just when my son was battling for his life, that I realized I have many wonderful gifts from God. The colossal God’s gift to me, it is my faith. A faith given to me since birth since I was born in a family with living faith, where I learned to know and to love Jesus. I always had known and loved God, and this glorious gift, invisible to human eyes, became blatant at this striving time.

Then, I realized that lack of an ability to sing, to draw, to excel at sports, or not being the prettiest girl at school, was not important. Those gifts seemed so small in comparison with the gift of faith. During the time my son was sick, I realized I had everything I needed: my husband and my children, healthy, happy and together. Anything else was not important. So, Jose was sick, and even though, in the midst of this sad experience, God was helping me to become closer to him by appreciating the invisible gift of faith.

God’s mercy was shown in my soul through my son’s illness.

Jose was fighting for his health, and I was fighting with my faith. It was a battle of faith; this is when faith is tested. It’s not easy; and as any war, it is painful. I just kept on praying, and yes, I cried a lot, and it was like every tear was a plea to God. During this struggle, the doctors never found the cause of my son’s hypertension.

Finally, we went home and two months passed, and we celebrated Jose’s birthday and being able to celebrate with him, was no doubt, another gift of God’s mercy.

For a long time, when friends and family used to ask me how my son was doing, I couldn’t answer. I literally had a knot in my throat. Neither I nor my husband, could speak about this. More than ten years have passed, and we just remember it, like a far dream. A dream where God showed his mercy by keeping our son with us, by showing me the greatness of his gifts in faith, and by giving me the opportunity of placing my in my heart invisible values more than in all those visible ones.

Hence, Why me God? was not important anymore, as the question What for, God? This is the right question, and the answer was brought in faith, hope and love. And as for human talents, I learned exactly that, they are human, we can learn those skills. And as for heavenly gifts, we just have to ask for them. “Ask, and it will be given to you” (Mathew 7:7), and certainly mercy can be included in that petition:

“Lord give me a merciful heart that can find you everywhere.”