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Our Christian faith is a constant battle between who God calls us to be, and the lies the devil whispers to distort our identity. This struggle is not only external but also within our own hearts. We must resist the pull of the “daughter of Eve” within us, the tendency toward disobedience.
True responsibility and obedience often require sacrifice. To grow closer to God, we must discipline our desires, resist distractions, and embrace the suffering that purifies the soul.
Yet in every trial, God is present. Though the enemy of human nature seeks to convince us that our struggles are meaningless, those who return to virtue discover that struggle itself becomes a refining fire.
In a world filled with noise and diversions, our daily calling is clear: to fix our gaze on God, to grow in virtue and holiness, and to shine as a light of His love in the world.
Join us for another lively and faith-filled discussion! Our moderator is Sherry, a Daughter of the Visitation.
And consider joining our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Each Sunday we read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather great insights and sharing.
Sherry: My week did not go very well, but today I finalized the date for my first consecration to the Cloistered Heart.
Sydney: Congratulations! What is the date?
Sherry: It's September 24th, the day of my baptism 59 years ago.
Sydney: Beautiful!
Caroline: Wow, Sherry, what wonderful news.
Rebecca: Hi everyone. That means you’d be at least 59 years old, Sherry.
Sherry: LOL, yes, Rebecca, good thinking. I am indeed 59. And loving every bit of it .
Sherry: Ladies, I want to propose that we go ahead with the newsletter. I think that we are all in such different places with our thoughts on the Cloistered Heart, but I want to start soon a Zoom series for a small group on the Cloistered Heart. And you are all of course invited to join.
Rebecca: Sherry, I like the idea of zoom meetings because I’m otherwise almost out of step with whatever is being discussed because it takes me so long to reply.
Sherry: Are you all OK to continue with the Newsletter for today? You did not necessarily have to read it to participate.
Sydney: Let’s go!
Caroline: I think that’s okay.
Allison: Sure! As a newbie, however, I have no idea what the Cloistered Heart is .
Sherry: Allison, that is why I think it is fairer to do the newsletter. And some of us did not have a chance to get the book yet either. Ok. Let's dive in. Here is our first question for the evening.
Question: St. Francis describes two “selves” within us—one inclined to fret and resist, the other desiring to be humble and act for God. How do you recognize these two tendencies in your own daily life, and what helps you to strengthen the “good daughter” within you?
Caroline: I definitely have both of those selves. If fretting were a competition, I’d win a medal for sure.
Sherry: LOL, Caroline. I find it a bit easier now since I "outgrew" the hormone roller coaster, but I am still very prone to "act on the other one in me."
Sydney: Me too, Caroline. The only thing that helps me be stronger is prayer. To answer the second part, I am trying to consciously practice the virtues.
Sherry: Sydney, could you share a bit of how exactly you are consciously practicing the virtues?
Allison: I was probably nothing but the bad daughter for 30 plus years, sadly. I came to see her for what she was when I realized that my view of reality made no sense.
Sherry: That is an interesting answer, Allison. If you do not mind, I would love to hear more about your "former view of reality? And I was a very bad daughter too for many, many years until God showed up in my life...
Sydney: Please clarify. Your Eve daughter, not your real daughter, Sherry?
Sherry: Oh, thanks, Sydney, yes, the daughter of Eve in me...
Caroline: I think without God we would all be Eve.
Sherry: And without Mary, Caroline.
Rebecca: Yesterday I caught myself fretting about STUFF: The containers — including a silicone cake pan and some take along salad bowls that someone probably mistook for trash and threw away.
Sherry: What virtue best counteracts fretting?
Caroline: Patience.
Sydney: Caroline, quit stealing my answer! Humility too sometimes.
Caroline: Sorry, Sydney, we must be on the same wavelength.
Rebecca: That was in the wake of coming home to find that the circuit my refrigerator and freezer were on had been somehow shorted out and the stench was terrible!
Sherry: Oh no Rebecca! That sounds horrible. No amount of patience and humility could have kept me calm long term there.
Allison: I was a pretty typical liberal Protestant. I believed in evolution, feminism, etc. Worst of all, I believed that abortion was something that had to be tolerated. One day, out of the blue, struck by the realization that a child was an unborn human person, and thus abortion is murder. After that, I had to completely reevaluate my moral framework.
Sherry: WOW Allison. - you really had a lovely conversion. Praise be to God that he has graced you with truth, so you could see it clearly.
Sydney: What a blessing to understand, Allison!
Sherry: Ok As for humility, which is of course for my favorite answer to almost every question here What thoughts specifically help us in regard to humility- to leave the loop of fretting?
Kieley: Being aware of every thought we have or at least trying to be aware.
Sydney: Letting go of the idea that we are in control and have the power to fix everything.
Caroline: And try to discern their source.
Sherry: I love all your answers, lady. Wonderful!
Sydney: Give it to God.
Kieley: Yes, Caroline, thank you.
Sherry: We have to really practice the virtues, though intentionally, on a regular basis - so we can have such easy access to them in a situation of need.
Kieley: Awesome advice.
Sherry: Our next question ties in a bit to the theme of humility and patience. The writer advises patience with ourselves when we stumble.
Question: How might practicing self-patience and humility draw you closer to God, rather than letting discouragement separate you from Him?
Kieley: Having a heart to hurt with Him at adoration.
Sydney: Realizing that what you may be suffering at that moment, He suffers with us.
Rebecca: Good answer, Sydney.
Caroline: We see ourselves a little bit more like He does and at least lighten up on self-accusation.
Sherry: I think that patience with oneself shows that we do understand how precious we are to God.
Sherry: Having no grace for oneself is a red flag for me. How can we extend grace to others if we cannot do it to ourselves?
Allison: If we believe ourselves to be irredeemable and unforgivable, we will be easier to draw into sin, I think. Perhaps out of a kind of embarrassment, we might avoid trying to reconcile with the Lord.
Sherry: So very true, Allison.
Sydney: I ask myself that sometimes, Sherry.
Kieley: Avoid reconciling with the Lord?
Sherry: It all comes back to knowing who we are - in the eyes of God, and sometimes we simply cannot fathom HOW loved we are.
Rebecca: I think that it is that realization that has helped me most to live happily post chemotherapy, knowing that God, who is love, does not even allow bad things to happen to those who Love him without the possibility, at least, of some more important GOOD thing/lesson coming out of it. Not that I always LEARN the lesson though.
Sherry: Kieley, I think what Allison means with that is when people linger and avoid confession out of shame mostly.
Kieley: Ooooooo ok thanks.
Allison: Yes, Sherry, that is what I meant. Sorry for any confusion!
Sherry: Yes, yes, and yes. Rebecca, God does not allow ANYTHING in our lives that does not hold a seed of good for us.
Caroline: It's hard to remember that sometimes though. We have to open up our vision.
Sherry: Yes, and for some strange reason we cling more to the idea of being not really lovable than embracing that we are eternally loved, so much loved.
Kieley: Sherry… YES.
Sherry: Ok., time is running. Oh gosh, here is our next question.
Question; The “bad daughter” is described as crafty, always seeking to distract or waste time. In what areas of your life do you sense this distraction most strongly, and how might you re-center those moments on God’s intentions for you?
Sherry: This question really convicts me this week, I feel I gave in a lot to distractions. Yes, I wasn't feeling well but still I could have handled my time better than I find.
Allison: At the beginning of my life as a Catholic, I had a terrible time making myself go to Confession. I also had something “more important” to do.
Sherry: I can relate very much to that, Allison.
Sydney: The evenings after work are a distraction for me. I want to be focused on reading or praying, but something from the world pulls me away. The phone is a huge distraction.
Caroline: I often get distracted when I sit down to pray...just one more thing.
Allison: And now, I can find a hundred different reasons to avoid practicing Lectio Divina, thanks in no small part to my smart phone.
Caroline: I hear that.
Rebecca: Lighten up! Yes, that is one bit of advice that my spiritual director in Germany gave me. Now there is not a day that goes by that I do not have to laugh at myself at least a few times or have a good chuckle anyway.
Allison: Rebecca, I totally agree with that advice! If I had not learned how to laugh at myself, I would be wallowing in self-pity.Sherry: The phone has become a tool of the enemy in my life, I find.
Sydney: Someone pointed out that the way we hold our phones is the same posture we make when praying.
Caroline: Is it?
Sydney: Heads bent down, hands close together…but the heart miles away from God often.Sherry: My daughter and I have discussed - going back to a flip phone. The price seems to be high to have access to distractions so easily.
Caroline: I never noticed the position. I usually have it in one hand.
Sydney: Might help your typing skills. lol.
Caroline: So would using a desk instead of my lap.
Sherry: Mind you, I do the liturgy of the hours also on the phone for example, But I find that I am so tempted to reach out for information that is totally unnecessary and just clutters up my brain.
Rebecca: Why not have a conversation with our Lord about the distractions?
Kieley: AMEN Rebecca.
Allison: I’ve taken to doing that, Rebecca. When I try to pray and find myself thinking about other things, I try to offer those distractions to God.
Sherry: I need a real commitment to watch distractions. Lately I have lacked this commitment sometimes. The phone and all it offers has felt like a life saver in my times of grief but then the habit remained and now I have to detach myself from this again.
Sherry: I wish I had a spiritual director now. A good one who holds me accountable.
Kieley: This is where I would love to be a nun… not have different distractions of the world’s work that I have to do until I retire.
Sherry: I hear you, Kieley, but Sister Susan once said to me when I made a very similar comment that if you have distractions outside of the cloister, you will find them inside too.
Kieley: Really. Then I’ll definitely start working on that.
Allison: It is really hard to detach from the phone, for sure. So much of our lives seem to revolve around them now. Even my job requires me to carry it.
Sydney: It’s the distractions of the mind that can also get me.
Kieley: Mine too.
Rebecca: Funny when you were talking about the phone being a distraction, I was thinking of a phone like my landline which is only used for conversations and not quite understanding at first what you meant. I had a wonderful conversation with my goddaughter in Germany today. I used my iPad to try to stay in touch with a nephew in Colorado. I regretted not getting around to at least three more calls that I intended to make, mostly I think because the other calls were so long.
Sherry: Rebeca, you seem to use technology very wisely.
Sherry: Like Allison, my phone is woven into my work life too. It makes it harder to separate.
Sydney: I don’t suppose we could convince the younglings to go back to a landline.
Caroline: Do they know what it is?
Sherry: I would love to have my landline back. At least I could find it always when it rang .
Allison: I call for a return to rotary phones! No pun intended.
Sydney: Lol. Those were fun!
Sherry: Oh, we were looking for one for my mother-in-law actually because she has Alzheimer’s and cannot deal with the new phones anymore.
Caroline: I think they make voice activated ones now.
Rebecca: Interesting observation. I once felt very sorry, causing hurt, commenting something about a good prayerful woman kneeling in front of her TV to adjust something and it looked like she was worshiping the TV.
Sherry: My mother-in-law can not remember that she can do that and if that thing starts speaking back that would really scare her.
Rebecca: Sherry, my landline telephone! The iPad can provide some of the distractions you have spoken about the phone being!
Sydney: I think we got distracted by the phone conversation.
Sherry: LOLL, Sydney, you are so right; I just thought the same. Let's talk about this question now.
Question: The text encourages calling on Jesus and Mary for help when we are under attack. How do you experience God’s presence and support in times of inner struggle, and how can you cultivate a deeper reliance on Him in those moments?
Caroline: Just recently someone did attack me, and I had no awareness of what he was talking about. I was just blank. The next day I was like oh! Jesus had me all wrapped up.
Sydney: Get in the practice of just saying their name or praying the Our Father or Hail Mary.
Kieley: During desolation, I was taught seven years ago, not to ask God to take it away. And I could not believe my spiritual director was telling me that until he explained why. I think I’ve almost mastered not asking him to take it away, but instead aligning the grief in my desolation, along with one of his when he was on earth.
Sherry: I often do not realize right away that I am under spiritual attack, but when I do realize it, I pray but must say that my husband is a wonderful protection with his prayers for spiritual warfare.
Allison: I tend to try to recenter myself by closing my eyes and praying the Jesus Prayer a few times. It seems to help me prioritize and put my troubles into perspective.
Sherry: Very good and practical advice, Allison.
Sherry: And, Kieley, May I ask what were you not to ask to take away a spiritual attack?
Kieley: The desolation.
Sherry: Oh, the desolation. Sorry I did not read carefully enough.
Kieley: Np.
Sherry: Yes, I know -- especially in the beginning of desolation - we can have the tendency to fully pray "against" it until we start to realize that the desert becomes the teaching place.
Kieley: Yes, Sherry!! Very true.
Caroline: Desolation reminds us we can trust Him.
Sherry: Do you have someone - and I mean all of you - to whom you can go and ask for prayer when you are under spiritual attack?
Sydney: Yes.
Kieley: Yes.
Sherry: Glad to hear that. I find myself not very powerful standing against the darker powers, but I know that others can pray powerfully against them.
Allison: The priests in my parish are very approachable with those kinds of requests; I would not hesitate to ask them if I needed their help.
Sherry: That is wonderful that you are comfortable to ask your priest Allison. My priest told me at the end of confession that he is “really going to pray” for me now.
Allison: I am definitely blessed with good priests.
Sherry: Awe, that is very sweet, Sydney. I love it when priests are good shepherds of souls.
Rebecca: Me too! I’ve known some who were, or are, and some extremely the opposite.
Sydney: Kieley, and my priest is amazing at that. When he is focused. He has ADHD sometimes about being distracted.
Sherry: Prayer life with adult ADHD is something I would love to write about one day. Also praying while in the midst of a depression. When I pray under spiritual attack, It helps me to remind myself that the enemy is by far not as powerful as God. Sometimes we think it is a duel, but it is NOT. The devil is already defeated.
Kieley: Sure is ??
Rebecca: Amen to the defeat of the devil.
Kieley: My spiritual director told me to never be afraid of an attack because God has the devil on a very short leash.
Sherry: So true, Kieley.
Caroline: And God does at times use the evil one against himself.
Sydney: The resurrection is a good example of that, Caroline.
Kieley: My spiritual director also told me that the devil cannot touch us… He only scares us.
Rebecca: But somehow when we look at what is happening in the world and in the USA, it can be hard to see anything but the continuing battle for lives and souls.
Sherry: Kieley, it is true that he cannot touch the eternal outcome of our soul without our permission, but he sure can make life "hell" on earth.
Kieley: True!
Sherry: And by he, I obviously mean the enemy of human nature.
Kieley: Yes.
Sherry: Before we come to our last question I want to back up one more time to something we touched on earlier, namely the intentional practice of virtues. I am really interested in how you choose individual virtues you are practicing. How do you monitor? Or do you monitor? How do you make yourself accountable?
Allison: I don’t know that I have ever tried to monitor that intentionally, but I do perform a daily examen every night. Recently, I was trying to practice gratitude, and I would reflect at the end of the day whether or not I had been successful.
Kieley: I don’t keep track, but I will start.
Sherry: That's a very good example, Allison.
Caroline: Gratitude journals help a lot. Gratitude, thankfully.
Sydney: I’m grateful for you, Caroline!
Caroline: Thank you, Sydney.
Kieley: Me too, Caroline…. Thank you!
Sydney: And all the beautiful ladies here!
Allison: I like the idea of a gratitude journal, Caroline! I will have to try that.
Sydney: It depends on the scenario. If I am with someone who tries my patience, I have to say to myself, be patient.
Sherry: St. Ignatius taught the tracking of virtue practicing in his Spiritual Exercises, but it is not really practiced anymore I find, even not amongst the Jesuits. That's another good strategy - to remind ourselves of the virtue that counteracts a situation or temptation. There is a good sermon from Bishop Barron - on the 7 deadly sins and the virtues that go hand-in-hand with them.
Caroline: I can be silly, but all serious when it comes to Jesus.
Rebecca: “Our permission”. I think of so many poor souls who don’t even recognize the existence of God or of a being who contributes to their troubles. Maybe that is why we need to “offer up” our sufferings — at least those which God declines to remedy. Christ healed many. Healing is what he normally wills.
Sydney: Caroline, He’s still mine!
Caroline: We're sharing.
Sherry: LOLLL Sydney. Let it go. We are all sister wives here.
Sydney: There’s enough of him to go around.
Sherry: I once read that God has eternity for every person to be with them–mind blowing.
Kieley: 24/7.
Caroline: There is. There's a place in His heart for each person He creates.
Allison: This sounds like the plot of some terrible reality TV show!
Sherry: LOL Allison.
Caroline: Lol Allison.
Sydney: It’s a mashup of a monastery and a sorority house.
Caroline: What would we call the show? The Disciple?
Sherry: Lol Sounds a lot like a cloistered heart household.
Allison: Jersey Nuns.
Sherry: Nuns on the run.
Sydney: Kappa Kappa OMG.
Caroline: Oh Sydney...
Allison: Yes Sydney, that!
Kieley: Lol.
Sherry: LOL.
Sherry: Ladies I so love the humor now that I think we skip the last question.
Kieley: Good night.
Sydney: I AM the distraction!
Sherry: You don't need a distraction, Sydney. You bring it all to the table :0).
Allison: Thank you, everyone! Have a great night!
Sherry: Oh, and, Allison, please look quickly in the side chat now.
Caroline: Oh, we have to go already?
Sydney: It was just getting good!
Sherry: We can still linger a bit.
Caroline: Seriously.
Sherry: Do you mean we should do the last question, Caroline?
Sherry: I want to be sensitive to the time for all of you.
Caroline: We could.
Allison: I’m game.
Sherry: OK Here it comes…
Question: The essay reminds us that God knows our struggles, especially in the ordinary “embarrassments of a household.” Can you imagine your daily responsibilities as part of God’s will? How can you change the way you approach them—with more peace, purpose, or gratitude?
Sherry: Ok Help me out What are "embarrassments” of a household exactly?
Allison: Most of my family (including me)?
Sherry: LOL. Allison. I guess I can say the same for our household.
Caroline: Yes, God often tells saints that holiness is obedience in the daily sacrifices of life. We are able to see the faults of our family in 20/20 vision, and they rub ours the wrong way.
Sherry: Sigh, Caroline, you are so right.
Allison: I think I chose my confirmation saint as St. Therese for this reason. I lead a very ordinary life and find comfort in the thought that even the basic things I do to make normal things like work were worthy of God’s love.
Sherry: I noticed in the last weeks that I never fully embraced "doing housework" as part of my vocation. Since I have done that now I have much more joy doing it...well - the joy is still very much in control, but it is definitely better.
Caroline: I try to remember to flip situations around and think how the other person is irritated too.
Sherry: Good strategy, Caroline.
Sydney: When I want to just do something to get it done, I think about if I am honoring God in my actions, if not, I force a little bit more out to glorify him.
Sherry: Sydney, I am trying to do that too but not always successful.
Sydney: It’s still a reminder that he’s there.
Allison: Before I go into work now, I offer up my trials and impatience to the Lord.
Sherry: Ladies, I love that you are all so wonderfully integrating your love for God in your daily lives. I like that you are all so "down to earth” - Saints in the making.
Sydney: That’s why He’s mine!
Sherry: SYDNEY!! You are so mischievous.
Sydney: LOL.
Caroline: He's mine too and I am His.
Sherry: Let me snuggle in between the two of you because he is mine too.
Caroline: Okay!
Sydney: Fine.
Sherry: So generous of you.
Allison: The promo for that TV show will be ready any day now.
Sherry: LOL Allison. One more private question. Are any of you reading a good spiritual reading these days? Any book to recommend?
Sydney: Still on He Leadeth Me.
Sherry: Ahh ye, so good this book.
Sydney: There’s one I gave to my SD….
Caroline: I just got a book by Cardinal Sara about the divisions in the Church and am reading the dialogue of St Catherine of Siena on obedience.
Allison: I’ve been reading Therese of Lisieux: Secrets of Joy. I highly recommend it!
Sherry: Secrets of Joy sounds intriguing. Ohh...the dialogue is so good. It's been a long time since I read that I definitely would need a freshening up on it.
Sydney: With Jesus and Mary: Reflections on the Rosary Fr. Daniel Kilmek.
Sherry: I love to have a good rosary book close to my prayer chair, and I love to exchange them.
Caroline: There are so many good ones.
Sherry: For the Cloistered Heart I was told to (re)-read Abandonment to the Divine Providence. Looking forward to it.
Caroline: It's very good.
Sherry: If you come across something during the week, make a note and share it with us maybe next week, OK?
Sydney: Sounds good!
Caroline: Okay.
Allison: Got it, thanks! I’ll share the week after, so I will be working this time next week.
Sherry: Ladies, my dog is freaking out here. He seems to be in quite some pain since last night and the pills are losing their strength now, I think. Please pray a tiny prayer for us. We are not sure if we can keep him much longer.
Caroline: I will pray for him Simone, he's part of the family.
Allison: I will definitely pray for the pup!
Sydney: Anything for you!
Sherry: Thanks for your compassion ladies. I know it is "just" a dog but any creature in pain - reaches God's heart, I think, even if they are not in eternity with us. Sending my love from my living room here I tuck you all in my heart for the week to come Hope I see you all here next week. Well, Allison, in 2 weeks then.
Caroline: He also is God's creation. I am looking forward to it.
Allison: Have a good night, everyone!
If you enjoyed this article, why not join us at our Living Jesus Chat Room of the Visitation Sisters. Join us at 7:30 p.m. ET each Sunday! We read a passage of St. Francis de Sales and then gather for great insights and sharing!
Kevin J. Banet is a journalist and publicist. He provides marketing for religious communities, non-profits and healthcare services. Kevin and his family live in the Chicago area. His website is VocationPromotion.com.
