Stay in the Question | A Coaching Posture for Evangelization in a Divided Age

Our world is hurting, and our instinct is often to shout answers, point fingers, or retreat into silence. But perhaps what we need most is to stay in the question.

Online conversations can feel like a crowd shouting to be seen - each opinion vying for attention, validation, or the comforting nod of agreement, while the questions at the heart of the matter are often left unheard. This month, I scrolled into a social-media mess. A poster’s perspective became a lightning rod: the wife, the child, the professor, the pundit, the priest - all with hot takes at the ready. Silence. Then fury. Then a thousand answers yet, no listening.

What I learned in a coaching course last year - and have been trying to practice since, is deceptively simple: stay in the question.

We are not called to abandon truth. Dogma doesn’t change. But our approach must.

 
Why “staying in the question” matters:
Coaching is often goal-oriented: the client names a desire, and the coach helps move toward action. But there are seasons when the most generous thing we can offer another person isn’t an answer, nor even an argument, but the patience to sit with their wondering. Questions are the soil in which conversion grows; rushed answers, however true, can land like seeds on rocky ground.

When people seek truth in a fractured world, one thick with fear, shame, and defensive certainty, the pathway to the heart runs first through safety and being heard. If a person does not feel safe, they will not listen. If they feel judged, whatever we say will be filtered through hurt. Staying in the question creates space for real interior movement.

This quote from writer Tim Glemkowski in his article titled “People are knocking. Here's how parishes can respond”, reminded me of the balance we need and the intentionality to lean in; to be tender, and truthful. The heart of Christ is both patient AND courageous.

“Pastoral sensitivity, however, does not need to make us afraid to speak directly to the hurt of people, and the hurt of the world as they seek to understand the disruption they are experiencing.”

Bearing the wrongs of the world with the heart of Christ:
Recent tragedies — shootings, murders, and attacks on innocent lives — shock us to the core. And yet, in their aftermath, we often see something remarkable: people turning to the Church, seeking solace, answers, and a place to belong. These events, remind us of the fragility of life and the urgent longing for hope, safety, and meaning.

People enter the Church with wounds, hesitations, and questions. They do not arrive merely to receive information, but to encounter God’s presence and to be heard. In a world where division, anger, and mistrust are pervasive, the ability to stay with someone’s question becomes essential.

This is where coaching skills are vital for parish leaders, volunteers, and ministry teams:

• Listening deeply without rushing to fix or answer.
• Asking questions that uncover the heart of someone’s longing or confusion.
• Holding space for reflection, struggle, and discernment.
• Guiding gently toward understanding or action, without coercion.

In other words, coaching equips parishes to become safe, welcoming communities that cultivate dialogue, presence, and accompaniment. As more people enter the Church in the wake of tragedy, these skills are not optional, they are a core part of evangelization in our age.

We cannot flinch from uncomfortable truth. We are called to speak directly about hurt, but to do so after inviting others into a conversation rather than conflict. Evangelization that resembles accompaniment - patient, listening, present - will look different from an online debunking. It will be slower. It will cost us silence. It opens doors that rigid responses tend to lock.

Evangelization will always include proclamation. But in an age of division, the most fruitful proclamation may begin by practicing curiosity, presence, and the courage to stay in the question. If we can learn to do that, bearing the world’s wrongs with the heart of Christ, we may find more hearts opening than we ever managed by argument alone. To help put this into practice, I’ve created a simple, ready-to-use guide.

Want a ready-to-use guide for practicing these coaching steps in your parish, small group, or daily life? Download my free PDF: Stay in the Question: Practical Steps to Accompany Hearts in a Divided World. It includes model questions, reflection prompts, and a week-long practice challenge—a companion to this article for putting these ideas into action.

By downloading the guide, you’ll also receive monthly insights, coaching prompts, and reflections that help you apply coaching insights into your life, parish, and ministry — a gentle accompaniment on your journey of faith.