Why Follow the "Rules" When You Can Just "Follow Your Heart"?

In a world that has made the word “freedom” synonymous with “I can do whatever I want as long as I’m not ‘hurting’ anyone”, the question of why we need rules in society, and why we should keep them, often comes up in daily life. And that question comes up even more when it pertains to religion. We are frequently exhorted today to “break the rules” and to “find our own path”, as well as to “follow our hearts” in all matters. True, there are some rules that may need to be broken. For instance, those that are objectively unjust to human rights and have been dictated by an oppressive government, as we’ve seen through the civil disobedience of people like Gandhi and Rosa Parks.

One may also rightly “find their own path” in the context that there’s not just one way to a career in a certain field or in reaching a goal, such as financial stability. And even the phrase “follow your heart” may be good advice if one’s well-formed conscience leads that person to be truly compassionate and merciful towards their fellow man in a difficult situation. However, too often it seems, we have twisted these three popular sayings around into something that doesn’t jive with the Gospel. We beg the question “just what is a well-formed conscience, and do we truly possess a conscience that is in accord with, and assents to, Church teaching?” Why do so many in our current cultural climate (and increasingly so, more and more Catholic Christians) feel as if they are burdened by the prescriptions of Christianity to the point where they are ignored and discarded? If it’s a truth that Jesus has given us the New Law, the New Covenant in His Blood, why do we “enlightened” citizens of the 21^st century feel the need to disregard that law and “follow our hearts” instead? It has become quite clear that we should be following something other than our own hearts.

Seeing as we're humans who suffer from concupiscence, it might not be good to always follow our heart, especially if by "heart" we mean our "conscience" and "good intentions", as the connotation seems to mean so often today. This notion of rule-breaking and whatnot has seemed to have even entered the Catholic Church as we’ve seen several pastors in open opposition to Church doctrine, and some even vociferously calling for it. In my experience, to paraphrase from one homily I’ve heard given by a visiting priest, “We don't always have to follow the law, because our heart knows right from wrong.” The call to “break the rules” of the Church is something that doesn’t make much sense, especially when one finally realizes there’s a lot more to the Church’s teachings than just seeing them as a giant rulebook. One shouldn’t be lamenting that the Church has “too many rules”, but should instead be reflecting on why there is so much sin in the world, and why people continue to sin. Let’s think for a moment though… who gives the laws in the Church? Jesus said the law was fulfilled in Him, not abolished, and not a jot or tittle would pass until He comes again.

Now, let's say there was a willingness on the part of someone to break the law because there was a "feeling in the heart" that supposedly superseded the law of the Church. Why would anyone want to do that? If the Pope and the bishops in communion with him have been given the authority to bind and loose from Christ Himself, why would we want to disobey those that Christ has put in His stead? And if we don’t always have to follow the laws of the Church, be they a discipline or formally defined dogma, which teachings do we discard and which do we keep? Is it OK to break the law if a couple is planning on getting engaged, are madly in love, and then decide it’s a good idea to cohabitate? Is it OK for a woman to break the law of the Church and get “ordained” in an Episcopalian cathedral if she feels in her heart she should become a priest, even though the Church has infallibly declared and taught since Apostolic times that this is not possible? Is it OK to break the law and use contraception if the married couple has discerned having another child is not best right now, and the lack of sexual relations is causing tension in the relationship, therefore leading the couple to "follow their hearts" and have sex using contraception so they can be confident they won't conceive during the fertile time?

We could use many more examples here, and therein the danger of "following your heart" is obvious if we don't pay attention to the Magisterium of Christ's Church. Paragraph 2039 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) reads: "Personal conscience and reason should not be set in opposition to the moral law or the Magisterium of the Church." As mentioned above, personal conscience is now commonly analogous with "the heart" in modern parlance; with what we feel is right. Of course, we also know from the CCC that that conscience needs to be well-formed. Leon J. Suprenant, Jr. paraphrases CCC 1792 well: "Do I try to justify conduct that our Lord considers sinful? Is there a part of my life that I haven't turned over to God? Are there Church teachings I refuse to accept? Do I strive to form my conscience based on the firm foundation of Catholic truth, or do I look for teachers who will "tickle my ears" (2 Tim. 4:3)?" These articles from the New Evangelizers give some great exposition on the matter:

"Because of Original Sin, the inner moral compass of our hearts was busted. My heart does not tell me now what is right or wrong. It only tells me how I feel about something. But our feelings have no bearing a thing’s rightness or wrongness."

So do we follow our hearts or do we follow the teaching authority of the Church? Jesus said that "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander" (Matt. 15:19). Scripture also tells us that "the hearts of men are full of evil, and madness is in their hearts while they live, and after that they go to the dead." (Eccl. 9:3), and that "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately corrupt; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9).

Indeed, we're called to bring our hearts closer to Christ, and to inflame in our hearts the desire to become closer to God by inviting the Holy Spirit into us, because as we know, God wants to dispense His graces upon each and every one of us. But we must be open, and our consciences (our hearts) must be well-formed (see CCC 1783-1785) so that we can be more assured we are following the right path laid out for us by the Church. It doesn't matter if it's a disciplinary norm of canon law, or a dogmatic teaching solemnly defined by the Pope himself. We owe obedience to the Church. If we are sons and daughters of God, we should do our best to listen to the teachings and commands of the Church. Thank God we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation to go to when we fail, but to deliberately act in a way that breaks the law at certain points in our lives when it feels right...? That doesn't sound right at all.

What does sound right, and just plain is right, is of course the words of Jesus in the Gospels. Our Lord is very clear when He gives the Promise of the Holy Spirit in St. John’s Gospel account (John 14:15-16, 21-26): “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Counselor, to be with you forever…”

Jesus has made it very clear how we show our love for Him, and that’s by keeping His commandments. That doesn’t just mean the Ten Commandments that Moses brought down from Mt. Sinai. Remember, Jesus fulfilled the Old Law with the New Law. He also founded a Church, and His Vicar on earth is the Pope. Jesus’ commandments include all that the Church instructs us to do by virtue of the authority she has received from Jesus. He continues a few verses later:

“‘He who has My commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.’ [Jude] said to Him, ‘Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?’ Jesus answered him, ‘If a man loves Me, he will keep My word, and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me. These things I have spoken to you, while I am still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”

This is some pretty serious stuff when we look at it. It’s reminiscent of when Jesus tells us earlier in the Gospels that “not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven.” We can say we love Christ and His Church all we want, but our Lord makes it very clear that we do not show that love if we don’t keep His words. And lest anyone think that Jesus is only referring to His words uttered in the Gospels, don’t forget that the Church is the Mystical Body of Christ. Jesus extends His reign through the Church. To reject the Church’s teachings on any given matter is to reject Jesus.

For example, during the Lenten season, a Catholic may feel that even though it’s Friday, he doesn’t have to abstain from meat, because God will understand. He’s basically a good person anyways, why would God get mad at him for eating a hot dog, he reasons. But this shows a gross misunderstanding of what abstinence actually is and how it affects us, and is in direct contradiction of what our Lord tells us: “He who has My commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves Me.” If we do not keep His commandments, by sinning gravely, we show a rejection of that Divine Person. This is why it’s said that mortal sin literally kills the soul. Of course, culpability for mortal sin can be diminished if one doesn’t have full knowledge or complete consent. This is where venial sin can come into play.

So let’s say our Lenten, hot dog-eating friend didn’t have full knowledge of what he was doing. He has still knowingly disobeyed something commanded by the Church during the Lenten season. Venial sins don’t get us totally off the hook; there is a price to pay for all sins. We still aren’t showing our love perfectly for our Lord. The CCC gives us some great insight on this:

“…it is necessary to understand that sin has a double consequence. Grave sin deprives us of communion with God and therefore makes us incapable of eternal life, the privation of which is called the "eternal punishment" of sin. On the other hand every sin, even venial, entails an unhealthy attachment to creatures, which must be purified either here on earth, or after death in the state called Purgatory. This purification frees one from what is called the "temporal punishment" of sin. These two punishments must not be conceived of as a kind of vengeance inflicted by God from without, but as following from the very nature of sin. A conversion which proceeds from a fervent charity can attain the complete purification of the sinner in such a way that no punishment would remain.

“The forgiveness of sin and restoration of communion with God entail the remission of the eternal punishment of sin, but temporal punishment of sin remains.” (CCC 1472-1473)

So even though our friend may have only sinned venially, the temporal punishment of sin still affects him just as it would if he had sinned mortally, albeit not as severely. That means we must make satisfaction for these offenses against God’s commandments given to us through the Church, even if we don’t perceive our actions as a “big deal” at the time. On satisfaction, the CCC explains what that exactly entails:

“Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. But sin also injures and weakens the sinner himself, as well as his relationships with God and neighbor. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused. Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must "make satisfaction for" or "expiate" his sins. This satisfaction is also called "penance." (CCC 1459)

We must make amends for any wrong that we do to others and to God, whether the wrong be mortally or venially sinful. Unfortunately, some think that venial sin just isn’t something we really need to worry about. Our relationship isn’t totally broken with God, one could figure, and one could still receive the Eucharist in such a state. If the words from the CCC weren’t enough on why that view is erroneous in light of the effects of temporal punishment on one’s soul, the words of Blessed Miriam Teresa Demjanovich might make things hit home a bit harder. Bl. Miriam was a young, American saint from New Jersey who died in 1927 at the age of 26. She will be quoted at length here from a collection of her writings entitled “Greater Perfection”, as her words are clear and still ring true nearly a century later, bolding mine:

“We all understand very well that the only sins one need confess and must confess are mortal sins: that mortal sin alone constitutes the necessary matter of confession. The Church has clearly defined, however, that it is a good and useful practice, especially for those who aim at conforming themselves more perfectly to the image of the Creator, to the life of Christ, to resort to this sacrament frequently, even though venial sin be the only subject of accusation...

“Here, then, we have the case of a religious [or, person aspiring to be a saint] who has been going to confession week after week, for many years- five, ten, fifteen, twenty, and as many more as necessary. God has held out to him grace upon grace, and yet in His sight, and even in that of thoughtful men, there is no proportionate increase in virtue…What is the trouble? The sacrament is of Divine institution; it is God who forgives, who gives the increase of grace; therefore, the trouble must be, and certainly is, with the soul. It is just this: he presents himself week after week before Christ, his Judge, with improper dispositions, which, through force of habit, have virtually become no dispositions at all, and hence not only prevent that outpouring of grace with which Christ wills to flood his soul, but in some cases it may even happen that, as a result of continued deliberate indifference, he may be in a certain measure guilty of sacrilege. And the pity of the trouble is- ‘It's only a venial sin.’ Only a venial sin! Ah, if we looked at the matter from God's point of view rather than from our own, we should be forced to say in all truth: "It's all of a venial sin." We have no idea of the malice of sin, and therefore we go on our way cheerfully piling up insult after insult to God, and heaping up for ourselves mountains of fuel to be consumed in the weary, slow-burning fire of purgatory. If only we had that clear knowledge of the evil of sin which the saints had...

“Why are we so indifferent to the great danger and real harm of venial sin? Why? Because as long as we keep out of hell we are satisfied; that is, as long as we know we will not suffer eternally. ‘It is only a venial sin.’ Yes, I am still a friend of God. But just what kind of friend am I? I wonder if it is one He is pleased to acknowledge? Remember his words: "I will not now call you servants... but I have called you friends" (Jn 15: 15). When I deliberately commit a venial sin with the idea, ‘It's only a venial sin,’ which is the same as saying, ‘There is no eternal punishment attached,’ am I seeking God, or am I seeking myself? Not God, surely. If I were, I would take care not to do anything that would offend Him in the least. No, I am seeking myself. I am looking to see just how far I can allow myself forbidden liberties and pleasures, without straining my relations with God to the breaking point, and running the risk of being hurt in punishment for all eternity. I do not like pain. I am afraid of suffering. But just the same, I will indulge myself this once today. I will go just so far in gratifying my eyes, my ears, my tongue, my taste, my mind, my imagination, my temper, but I will go no farther. Just this once today. Tomorrow is the same story. And the day after. Only it is more than once, and the number of falls goes on increasing daily. Someday, one of these horses, through our gradually relaxing hold, will break the reins, and rush us madly, much farther than we ever expected or intended to go, down the length of the infernal precipice, to the foul abyss below. And all because ‘It's only a venial sin.’ Nor is this another exaggeration. History affords us only too many instances. Luther did not become a heretic over night, nor Judas a deicide, neither was Peter's denial the result of momentary weakness. No. All these betrayals had their origin in scarcely perceptible beginnings. And because the shadow of sin was not persistently dispelled, the storm of passion eventually broke in all its fury...

“And this is why the soul that habitually says, ‘It's only a venial sin,’ cannot have sincere contrition, because of its affection for the evil. If the will embraces the evil, and it certainly does, because it finds repeated delight in it, it cannot at the same time embrace the opposite good, namely, God. It may at the moment of confession try to do so in an irresolute, half-hearted manner. And since it is impossible for a soul, while continuing in this state, to elicit an act of perfect contrition, its contrition is thus necessarily imperfect.

“...remember, it is impossible for a soul who makes a constant and proper use of the sacrament of Penance not to advance in perfection... again, the whole question of perfection may be resolved thus: To conform myself to the image of my Beloved, Christ Jesus, I need but to will so to do. That will, however, shall not and cannot rely on its own strength; it can effectively act only through the strengthening power of grace, poured in great abundance on those who seek it in this holy sacrament of penance.”

No one said the road to sanctification would be easy, but we can see from Bl. Miriam’s writings that it’s possible to advance in that perfection through a frequent use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Keep in mind though, Bl. Miriam talks of a person who goes to Confession often, and of someone who recognizes what type of grave matter can lead to mortal sin. How many of us go to Confession semi-frequently? How many of us realize that using artificial contraception or deliberately desiring grave harm of one’s neighbor is gravely sinful, and go about our daily lives as if these things were of no consequence? It’s probably less than we’d like to admit, and it should certainly be cause for alarm. Once we go down that path of “not having to follow the rules”, because we’re tired of all these numerous “rules”, we lose sight of what the consequences are from our actions. We become complacent by simply “following our hearts” and risk seriously damaging our relationship with God.

That said, we as Catholic Christians have the task of purifying our hearts, of bringing them closer to God and away from our own passions. As St. Mark the Ascetic said, "Until you have eradicated evil, do not obey your heart; for it will seek more of what it already contains within itself." It's something we must continuously work at and pray for. We should all truly hope and pray that the Holy Spirit opens our hearts every day. We can find comfort in the Scriptures though, which says, "A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will take out of your flesh the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to observe my ordinances" (Ezek, 36:26-27). We can look at the examples of the saints, see how they lived a holy life, and try to emulate what they achieved. They were just regular people like us, and we can do all this too! They never would've told us that it's OK to break the rules if our hearts feel like that’s the proper course of action. St. Alphonsus of Liguori said, "'Thy will be done!' This is what the saints had continually on their lips and in their hearts." We should do our best to not just "follow the rules" but to have our hearts in union with the will of God, do the spiritual and corporal works of mercy, and pray for our brothers and sisters. Fr. Tom Loya said it best, showing us all that being Catholic doesn’t just entail following some rulebook:

"That's why I love being Catholic. Catholic is not... a set of rules. It is about a way of seeing and living according to that vision."