What a man looks for in a woman

Imagine walking into a coffee shop, and striking up a conversation with a very handsome man about what he is reading. He is reading the Gospel of John, and he speaks so gently and smoothly that you somehow just get lost looking at him. The conversation then ends, and you ask yourself the questions, “How do I talk with him again?!” and, “What does a man look for in a woman?” Those questions are what I will try to answer in this paper.

Character

If you are attractive, you will attract any man to you. We all know that. But, you don’t want any man, right? You want a godly man, like the one mentioned above. To a godly man, character is more important than being attractive. Think about it, if a man wants to get to heaven, he’ll want to find someone who will help him in that endeavor. Someone who radiates joy in the way they talk with others, who speaks of the virtues of others and not their faults, and who is, ultimately, others-centered, fits the bill.

One example would be smiling. Too often, everywhere we look we see people with poker-faces. St. Philip Neri said, “A heart filled with joy is more easily made perfect than one that is sad.” Smile when you are walking through town, think about the things that you have been blessed with, and have a sense of humor. Joy is supposed to be one of the fruits or outward signs of being in a state of grace (Gal 5:22), so that strikes a man deeply when he sees it.

Another example would be prayer. If you frequently go to the chapel, or talk about it nonchalantly like, “I’ll see you there after my holy hour,” it will make a profound impression on a man, and he will be deliberately looking for things like that if he’s considering you as a potential spouse. Going to the chapel will also make you very peaceful, especially if you are anxious about finding a man, so it’s a win-win situation!

Interests

Having things in common with a man is very important, and he’ll be looking for that subconsciously. Women have an edge over other women if they connect with a man over a common interest. An example would be sports. Men love sports. If you can find out which one a man likes, or his favorite team – write it down. Spend five minutes every day reading articles about that sport or team. Then, ask the man questions about it. It will make him very comfortable speaking about it, and he’ll be amazed if you show an interest in it. Now, the point of this is not to force you to enjoy something you don’t enjoy. The point is finding things in common, so whether its sports, working out, or writing, just see if you have a talent there and try learning about it if you don’t already.

Eyes

It sounds weird to name this last point, “eyes” right? But, here’s the thing, men are very visual creatures. Women are dressing nowadays as if men don’t have a serious temptation with looking lustfully (Matt 5:28), and are wearing the tightest and most revealing things possible. Men are bombarded to give in to their passions every day through their eyes, whether it’s in billboards, internet ads/popups, or just seeing someone walk by. If he is a godly man, he will want someone who dresses modestly. He will be very relaxed when talking to you – since he isn’t fighting a temptation when he’s looking at you. Pope Pius XII said, “The body’s beauty must therefore not be exalted as an end in itself, much less in guise as will defile the dignity it has been endowed with.” A godly man knows the dignity that the body has been made with, and will tend to be impressed at the woman that dresses like so (dresses, knee-length skirts, etc.). As a bonus, since women aren’t dressing modestly nowadays (unveiling what should be veiled, as the Catechism put it), you’ll stand out even more if you dress modestly.

Trust

If you do the things above, godly men will generally be paying attention to you, since these things are typically what they look for (but not a comprehensive list of course). Remember that it takes time to change and form habits, so be patient. In the end, you just have to trust that God will bring you the right man. Date Jesus for now, and say the prayer, “St. Anne, St. Anne, find me a good man.”