Abba Means Daddy

Hi I'm Steph and I'm a princess.

How arrogant, right?

I need you to know that I fully believe it. Abba, the King of Creation is MY daddy! It has taken me what feels like an eternity not only to learn this, but to fully believe it in my heart.

I've had some wounds in this area, you see. I come from a broken family - though I'm sadly aware most of us do these days. (The fact that divorce is so commonplace today is of no consolation. I have never been comforted to know I'm not the only one who's parents didn't have a fairy tale love. In fact, it frustrates me to no end knowing that this problem is so rampant. It's not just divorce either... children born out of wedlock suffer, children born to parents who've 'come out' suffer. I could write a litany, but I won't).

I love my dad. I love my stepdad. Truly. They're good men I know full well to have been created in Divine love in His image. (Gen. 1:26) Which is great. But neither of these men have been able to really become "daddy." Though my dad taught me to ride a bike, and my stepdad saw me off to prom, I haven't been fulfilled by them the way I didn't know I needed to be... Up until recently, I'd come to believe that I'd been shockingly well-rounded despite not having "daddy" consistently in my life. Thank God and my mama for picking up the slack in my faith formation. Despite the strength I (thought) I had in my faith life, I'd somehow allowed myself to ignore these wounds and therefore ignore the fact that I needed to seek healing for them. I did not realize any of this until about a week ago, actually.

The Thomas More Newman Center at my university put on a retreat this past weekend. It was simple and beautiful and filled my heart with love. Brother Elijah from the Albuquerque Franciscans spoke to us during adoration about prayer. At first when he started speaking, I was a little annoyed at the distraction. I just wanted to sit with the Lord in silence and peaceful contemplation and not have (another) emotional experience. (I ALWAYS cry in adoration.)

God and Brother Elijah had another plan. Brother went on to say that each of us has a distinct relationship with each member of the Trinity. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit have different roles in our lives. I think I inherently knew this... but really intellectualizing it was a different story. Brother Elijah said "we are sons and daughters of Abba- no sin can take that away." *Cue Tears*

This led me to realize how much I'd wanted that from my dad. I am half him. I am half curly-headed, hazel-eyed, emotion-driven writer. I find my identity in what he has passed on to me... but that does not mean I am any less me because of a weakened and human relationship with him. That also means that I am not fulfilled by him. I couldn't be because he couldn't be "daddy". Not because my dad is a terrible person, or a sinner (who isn't?) but because NO MAN (woman, or child) could give it to me. My fulfillment is in ABBA.

In my Confession that night with Father Joseph Mary, I opened up about this realization I'd had. He told me that my hurt was justified and expected. (Though I myself had not expected it). He also told me that even though I've come to know "daddy" in Abba, I needed to forgive my dad and take steps toward mending our relationship. After all, I'm half him! (Which is pretty cool, by the way!)

Dads are important. Vital in fact. In a world that's so consumed with rewriting gender roles, (Gen. 1:27) coining the mantra "love is love," outright disrespect, or simply a lack of faith. All of these sins in our life are amplified by broken relationships with our fathers. Our dads aren't being "daddy." They're not being the MEN they are called to be. Some, of course, are closer than others.

If your dad is close, thank him and pray for him. If he's not, forgive him and pray for him.