Slobs And Sluggards Congratulate Themselves For Not Being A “Martha”

July 20, 2025

The slobs, sluggards, sloths and reprobates triumphed upon hearing today’s Gospel.
“Oh my gosh! I’m just like Mary!” a jobless parishioner exclaimed.
“I’m not a neglectful husband and father, I’ve just ‘chosen the better path,’” said another.
As the Gospel came to a close, an audible sigh of relief was heard throughout the sanctuary: “It was like 100 unbrushed mouths all exhaled at once, and then were silent,” an altar server bemoaned. “It made me wish we had COVID masks back.”
The takeaway from the reading had a visible effect throughout the congregation, with some parishioners sitting down the remainder of Mass demanding Communion be brought to them so that they would not be “anxious and worried about many things” like walking all the way up to receive.
Other parishioners took a nap.
Still others nailed a flyer to the front door and claimed to be saved by “faith alone” and not works.
There were some who did not take to the message well: “Now my husband is never going to exercise!” one woman sobbed.
Father Thomas, having the foresight to know that the Gospel may be misinterpreted, cleared up all misunderstandings by decrying workaholics and anyone else who believes that industriousness was virtuous.
“Look to the bums in the back. They do not sow or reap or pray or assist the elderly or cook, or get hair cuts; yet they are obviously well-fed.”
The long-term impact of today’s Gospel message is yet to be seen, as there is a sizable contingent of parishioners rebelling against the priest’s extolling of laziness by spending the rest of the Sabbath doing non-essential work, like writing satire articles.