Numbering your days: How grief paints a new perspective on life
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Before I begin, I just find it such a full circle to be writing my first article for Catholic365 after spending years bookmarking the one prayer to pray to St. Francis DeSales before writing— it was the writer’s prayer. Partnered with the prayer to the Holy Spirit, both prayers guided me through so many faith-filled articles I have written in my career. Alas, I find myself praying the same prayer! Come Holy Spirit!
Back to the story.
The testing of one’s faith comes in so many different life experiences. Such experiences bring to life the parable of the sower, Matthew 13, where some seeds are described as falling among thorns and producing no grain, while some seeds fell on rich soil and produced fruit.
For me, and for so many loss parents I have met in this chapter of my life, I witnessed how much grief confronts the very “soil” of one’s foundation. I understand the depth of despair, of pain, the wilderness, the feelings of betrayal, confusion, just an array of emotions to what losing a child means. It is akin to constantly living in a garden of agony, the slightest sliver of the cup Jesus tasted while praying in the Garden of Gethsemane on Good Friday.
Yet, as we face Jesus at the very crossroads where one can choose to avert the Lord, go in the opposite direction, or even scream in disgust, the words of Peter strike at the heart of the matter: Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.
Eternal life—the one aspect that death has no power over and the one thing that we must cling to. The hope in eternal life where our loved ones are filled with joy, peace, abundant life.
I read and I understand how others feel betrayed by the Lord, punished even, rather “why me?” thoughts. In those moments, I don’t throw bible verses at those grieving parents. I silently pray that the Lord can lead them back to Him. That somehow, someone in our universal church will show how God’s abundant love means He will walk with us. He will find us in the wilderness. He will weep with us.
I can’t imagine going through this wilderness alone and I must recommit to trusting in the Lord, simply one day at a time.
Melissa Enaje is an award-winning print and multimedia journalist who spent nearly six years as a youth editor, general assignment reporter and host for various Catholic media outlets including The Tablet Newspaper in the Diocese of Brooklyn, New York; America Magazine; Catholic News Service; and also worked as a digital content producer for the daily Catholic newscast Currents News. As a newly-bereaved mother, her faith has been the pinnacle to her strength and she humbly uses her gifts to advocate for the intersection of maternal rights and protecting the vulnerable. She offers a fresh perspective on what it means to be a Catholic working woman, wife and mother in the world through her platform The M Report.
