The Martha Syndrome

I’m a Martha Stewart wannabe when it comes to entertaining. As a child, I loved setting the table for my parents’ guests, and my tables became even more elaborate when I married and started to entertain in my own home. No guest ever leaves a dinner party without a handmade favor. And I spend hours preparing the meals I serve, frantic that I get it right.

Maybe that’s why I am always challenged by the story of Martha and Mary in Luke’s Gospel. I find myself shaking my head and rolling my eyes whenever I read it or hear it at Mass.

I’m not the only woman who feels a little peeved whenever we hear Luke’s gospel reading. I’ve had numerous lively discussions about this with women who entertain, friends I call my fellow Martha Stewart wannabes. And we’re pretty much on the same page. We don’t think it’s fair to Martha.

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.” Luke 10: 38. We know by reading all the Gospels that Martha and her brother Lazarus and sister Mary were close friends with Jesus. Of course, Martha would invite Him and his friends into her home, she loved Him.

That’s why this Gospel reading always hits me in the gut. I have to assume that Martha wanted everything to be perfect for Jesus and his disciples when they entered her home. I know I would have. And so it must have been a terrible moment for Martha when Jesus reproached her, especially when He said that Mary, sitting at his feet to hear His word rather than help Martha, chose the good part. I always read this as: You, Martha, on the other hand...cooking and running around to put a meal on the table...well...tch, tch, tch...

Jesus told Martha not to be distracted by her worries—worries that included preparing a meal for Him and all the friends He brought with him—at mealtime, by the way. It doesn’t say in the Gospel reading if Jesus waves his hand in the air and tells her, “Don’t worry about it. We’re not hungry...we stopped on the way.”

It doesn’t say that He told Martha that she needn’t prepare the meal because all the friends He dragged along with Him would take care of the meal for her. It certainly doesn’t talk about them helping her down onto a soft pillow near Him, and then donning her apron, cooking the Mediterranean sea bass, baking the matzos, preparing the platter of honey, dates, olives, mint and nuts, and icing the carob cake. (I love picturing the Apostles scurrying around in Martha’s kitchen, cooking, baking, and setting the table so she can sit and relax.)

If they were such good friends, didn’t He know that she was a little obsessive-compulsive about her entertaining skills...the way I am? Didn’t He know she was going to be in a panic about the fish getting too dry or the cake falling?

Don’t misunderstand; I get the message and the meaning of this Gospel reading. It’s a very beautiful message. I know it is about priorities; about not putting anything before God. It tells us that cooking Sunday dinner, going to our kid’s soccer game, or attending the dance recital should all take a second place to attending Mass and putting Christ at the top of our list of things to do. Instead of sitting in the pew, ticking off the chores we need to get done after Mass, we should lounge at Our Lord’s altar, absorb His words, and participate fully in the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist. That’s the only meal that really matters—now as then.

It’s a good message; a loving one. One that we all need to hear and live by, especially in this world where we feel we have to be all things to all the people in our lives—the best spouse, the best parent, and the best at making our guests feel welcomed and comfortable, even if it means not spending time with them.

When going overboard to please my guests, I sometimes forget that the best part of entertaining is being present to my guests. So often one or two will call to me in the kitchen, saying, “Get in here with us...we want to talk to you, we want to see you.”

And of course, that is what Jesus was telling Martha, one of His dearest friends. He wanted to be with her as much as He wanted to be with Mary. What He was telling her is, “It’s not the food I want; it’s your presence...because I love you.” And through this Gospel reading, that’s exactly what Jesus is telling us. He wants us; He longs to share His love with us.

I guess that changes the perspective on Luke 10: 38-42, doesn’t it? Okay, I’ll stop smirking whenever that Gospel passage is read. No more huffs from me; enough with the Martha syndrome.

Jesus wins...He always will...and wasn’t Martha the lucky one to be called to sit with Him...aren’t we all?