Sexual Assault - How to Respond?
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Recently on Facebook I saw a post by a much loved friend asking us to not let him know if his name or likeness has been used as a 'meme'. Because he has taken an unpopular political stance, people who consider themselves much better Catholics than he is have been creating these memes to vent their displeasure at his refusal to support the candidate they have determined to be the right person. My friend asked that, if we see these memes, to keep the information to oursevles because seeing them and reading them just hurts his feelings.
His request is a reasonable one. After all, there is nothing he can do about it and all the information does cause him pain.
This followed a lively discussion among his followers as to whether or not his reaction and post were worthy of a devout Catholic. After all, shouldn't he expect to be maligned because of the rather tough line stance he has taken against the support of a particular presidential candidate? Didn't Jesus tell us that He did not come as the Prince of Peace but to cause division? Didn't he warn us that we would be hated for His sake?
As per the climate today (and as it always seems to happen on social media), the discussion degenerated to name calling. In particular, one person called another poster an assh*le. I responded, suggesting that the poster could have found a better way to express themselves. This caused them offense. They went to great lengths to prove to me they did not care what I thought about them. They claimed their use of foul language (while childish and immature, in my opinion) was not immoral. The poster continued to prove how they did not care what I thought by going on and on and on and on. And on some more.
I don't know how it ended. I stopped participating. I thought it better to let the poster win by no longer responding, because my experience has become that this is the safest course of action on social media today. Besides, I am unable to gauge the mental stability of others participating on Facebook. I don't want someone with a perceived fight to finish tracking me down, showing up at my house and leaving a dead rabbit in a pot of hot water on my front porch. Or worse.
As always, the encounter got me a'thinkin'.
They insisted that using foul language is just fine and dandy.
Is it? Maybe, but I would argue that this would depend upon how one interprets the Catholic understanding of honoring the Dignity of the Human Person.
The Church teaches in the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one's neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.
While I am hardly the judge of any Catholic in terms of the state of their immortal soul, I believe calling someone an assh*le is a form of detraction. It is hardly a term of endearment, unless one is a member of some sort of hardy brigade of revolutionaries or tough soldiers or guerillas fighting against oppression. I do understand that, under those circumstances, calling each other awful names is a way to keep their spirits up and distract themselves from the horror of combat.
The group that was responding was not a combat unit in Afghanistan. It was supposed to be a group of people who all support the same guy. I thought they were offering him different perspectives on his request. Knowing the man as I do, I find it difficult to believe he appreciates one of his followers behaving like a thug.
This particular teaching of Holy Mother Church is one that is often overlooked. What is amazing to me, however, is the number of people who hold to it when it comes to their own personal dignity, but find it difficult to extend that same care outward to others. We have road rage incidents, stalking on social media, bullying and outright physical attacks because someone perceives themselves as being 'disrespected' by a 'hard look'. People are willing to physically harm another human being because of a raised eyebrow or a frown thrown in their direction, and will scream obscenities at them to justify behavior that is really just a variation of "he started it". They behave, in my opinion, like an average 4 year old.
Try to use humor or just plain common sense to calm things down and these same people will attack you.
What I know today is my worth does not depend upon some random poster on Facebook. I took a chance and tried to calm a situation and the person became highly incensed that someone would not think they were wonderful. The fact that they do not think I am wonderful, however, doesn't upset me. It gets me thinking. I allows me to look at the bigger picture and makes me search our Faith Teachings for something that will guide me in future actions, but it does not upset me. I care only about the opinion of God.
The good news was that the person who got called the nasty name shared with me that it is this very behavior that keeps them from fully returning to The Church. I got to make a suggestion as to a theologian they might find enlightening. I got to urge them to not judge The Church by the behavior of Her members.
If that is all I got to do, that is more than enough - and worth every slight.
On Saturday, I was received as a life member into the Lay Dominicans.
By the next day I was presented with a situation where I was called to act like one.
How blessed am I?
I am a sober, widowed, Catholic Out Loud. After trying the ways of the world, I found myself back in the arms of Holy Mother Church and today I work towards finding my place without losing my unique perspective. I believe my dark past is my greatest asset. I am a third order Dominican, a former RCIA Catechist and a lover of animals, especially Scottish Terriers!
