Prayer: The Ongoing Battle

I walked away from a weekend feeling totally and completely worn. Physically, I had done nothing but sit and kneel, and yet I felt more tired than I had felt in a long time. I was mentally exhausted, and all I had been doing was praying and reading my bible. In many cases, I usually pray for the various needs that I find myself struggling with, and then focus myself to the plethora of various intentions of which I’d promised others to pray. Never had I spent a solid weekend in prayer though. And I was tired.

So naturally, it spurned in me the desire to contemplate on this. I walked away feeling more joyful that I was moved to tears, and yet I was mentally and spiritually feeling drained all at the same time. Despite it, I wanted to jump right back in and start praying again. I had talked to God, and listened, and felt His peace for all the things I had placed in His hands. I knew he was listening, because I had spent so much time in His presence, baring my heart out to him. And still I was tired. It took me awhile to piece together what was going on here.

I won’t pretend to have a great amount of prayer stamina. I get distracted easily; I shorten my prayers when I’m tired from a long day of working – All very trivial things in comparison to the joy that is talking to God. So when I spent a whole weekend, fending off the urge to quit, the urge to sleep, the urge to think of random things, I felt like I had just walked out of a workout. Reality has started to dawn on me that I had. I was fighting the battle.

People often use the phrase “prayer warrior” in reference to those that take the time to offer prayers, and I had always thought of it to mean that these people were fending evil through prayer. It hadn’t quite crossed my mind that they were actually fighting just to pray. Literally, these people took the focus off themselves and placed all their energy into praying for a purpose, such as an end to abortion right down to the sick person asking for God’s healing. It was selfless and it was painful and it was hard.

St. Pio of Pietrelcina once said that “Prayer is the oxygen of the soul.” In other words, prayer is the very core of our relationship with God. It is a conversation with Him, and no, it is not one way if you are listening for His words. All relationships require communication to grow. Just as a man and woman date for weeks and months (even after marriage) to find out about each other, so we must speak with our God to find out what He wants. Plus, He is so in love with us that He wants us to tell Him about our days, our thoughts, our worries. It is our date with God. (Ever wonder why Song of Solomon compares the relationship with God to a love story?)

All that said, this means that Satan is going to attack where he knows it would hurt us the most: our prayer life. He works to distract, make tired, make boring the very conversation that we have with God. He works to convince us that it is a one-way conversation, because we can’t hear the words spoken back. He’s vastly aware that a lack of communication means that our relationship will start to falter, our hope will shatter, etc. It’s a downward hill from there.

Prayer is a battle between self and dying to self; it is an act of bringing yourself closer to God. It’s the battle to grab the hand that Jesus extended on the cross in His invitation to love Him. Suit up, fellow brothers and sisters, and take that battle head on. Remember that no pain or weariness will compare to the joy that will follow being united with God in conversation.