Lord, Help Me to Forgive Myself!

“Uuuuggh…I’m a horrible human being. Why did I just do that? What will he/she/they think of me now? I hate myself right now. I could crumble on the floor and die right here. How humiliating,”

Sound familiar? Sound strong? Either you’re thinking, “Who dislikes themselves that much? What could they have done to make themselves feel that bad?” Or you might be in the other camp that says, “Been there. That stinks.” Maybe you're in that final camp that says, “Aaaah! That is me! How can I ever get over this and forgive myself?”

I’d like to say that I am in the first camp that is completely through with these moments, or even the second camp and have never had these moments before. Since I struggle with these same issues sometimes and realize that many people do, I’ve made an outline below of how I use my faith as a tool to help me gain my self-love back again. Hopefully, this will help you or someone you know in a similar situation.

When I am upset with myself, I need Jesus to carry me on His shoulders like a little sheep whose legs are broken and has to be carried back to the fold on the shepherd’s shoulders. In the chapel, I close my eyes and literally picture being a lost sheep that Jesus carries back home to His Father and my father.

Once I am there, I sit on my Father’s lap (after magically transforming from a lost sheep to a little girl), and rest there. God the Father says nothing. In my head, He urges me to forget my sins. He rocks me back and forth.

After a time like this before the Eucharist, just picturing myself being held for a while (maybe, 5, 10, 15, or 20 minutes), it is only then that I will allow Jesus to cleanse me. After the sting of the pain has gone and left, only then can I remember to pray the following words:

“Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure;/ wash me, and I will be whiter than snow” (Psalm 51:9). Only then can I remember the words of the Old Testament that St. Therese so loved:

“Come now, let us set things right,/ says the Lord:/ Though your sins be like scarlet,/ they may become white as snow;/ Though they be red like crimson,/ they may become white as wool.” (Is 1:18)

Far be it from me to forget Our Blessed Mother, who has been looking out for me ever since I was a little girl, like my godchild in the picture.

After taking Mary’s hand, I am ready to move into the next phase of self-forgiveness. Being right with God the Father first and having been cleansed in my mind by the words of Scripture, I am then ready to make things right with God the son, coming up in the next article: “Confession: An Encounter with God the Son.”

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