To the Ends of the Earth: Character – Week 5, Day 4 - Warrior Poets Know the Source of their Strength
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Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the Church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the Church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:21–31
As Catholic men, we are commanded to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. Christ deeply desires that Catholic men who are called to marriage should live out their duties as husbands with utmost fidelity. Marriage involves intimacy and vulnerability. With the exception of Jesus, perhaps no one knows us more intimately than our wives. Unfortunately, sometimes as men our egos outweigh our virtues, and this can make being a good husband a challenging task. When this happens, we become weaker in our witness and lacking in our leadership, because we fail to honor the helpmate God has given us and fall short in our call to love her as Christ loves the Church.
Sadly, many men have taken the passage quoted above from Ephesians and turned it into an excuse for dominating their wives and lording it over their families. Too often men insist on being “King of the Castle,” but they don’t act like true kings. After all, if we want to be kings in our homes, are we willing to treat our wives like queens? Do we serve and protect them, lovingly and sacrificially leading them to a deeper holiness day by day? Do we cherish our wives for who they are and who they are becoming in Christ? As husbands, our call is to love our wives as we love ourselves.
Those who are single are not free from the principles of this passage either. Just as a married man is called to be faithful and chaste toward his wife, unmarried men are to treat women with the utmost respect and dignity, showing them the same love Jesus showed to his mother and the women who followed him. This is true of all women, but in a special way, women in the Church are our sisters in Christ. Our call always is to work together to build one another up as we become all we can be as the Body of Christ.
Let us look at some principles from Saint Paul’s letter to the Ephesians that can help us grow as Christian witnesses over the next week:
1. Relationships are all about mutual submission.
As men, we are to yield to those things that God has established for marriage or single life for the sake of his kingdom. We should assume our role as husband, priest, brother, or layman and live it out as God intended. This begins with seeking to grow in mutual submission with the women in our lives. Husbands must be willing to sacrifice their needs for their wives, and all men must accept their call to raise up women in beauty and strength as they live out their vocations as wives, mothers, or single women within the kingdom.
2. Headship is about deliverance, not domination.
As husbands, our role as head of the household is to deliver our wives over to Christ in beauty and perfection, not to rule over them. This applies in similar ways to single men, as well as those in the priesthood and religious life. True headship respects and appreciates the gifts and godliness of others and what they have to offer to our families and the Church. How we treat others reveals the principles of the kingdom and draws the family of God together in love. Being a servant leader is truly an awesome responsibility for men.
3. Our love should be sacrificial, not selfish.
Many men claim that they would die for their wives, yet they refuse to help with the chores or the children. Real love puts the women in our lives in an exalted place and calls us to lay down our comforts, our needs, our dreams, and our very lives for their betterment. What sort of witnesses are we if we fail to yield ourselves for the sake of the ones we love the most?
4. “Cherish” is the watchword of a man’s every action.
Husbands should be helplessly and hopelessly in love with our wives, holding every moment of our marriages as sacred and beautiful. Loving our wives should be a delight and our deepest desire. For the pastor or the religious or lay leader, our love for others, especially women, should reflect God’s love for them, and not our selfish wants and needs. The key is recognizing the unique dignity of each person who is a part of our lives.
5. We must leave the safety of childhood in order to assume our role as godly men.
In marriage, we leave our former life and join to our wife, becoming one in body and spirit. We commit exclusively to our wife, forsaking all others in order to serve and love her, witnessing to the sacrificial and complete love of Christ in all we say and do. All Catholic men, as well, should strive to be the best versions of ourselves as we move from dependence and childhood into the maturity of our adult vocation as husband, priest, religious, or single layperson.
A Call to Action
As we know all too well, the truth is most marriages are a far cry from the sacrificial example Paul describes in Ephesians 5. Husbands, this week, make an extra effort to be the man your wife needs you to be. Study what it truly means to love your wife as Christ loves the Church. If you are single, take time to pray over these lessons and reflect on the vocation to marriage and fatherhood. Whether God is calling you to this vocation or to religious or single life, it is important to recognize and celebrate the deep beauty and holiness of marriage as God intended it. In all you do, let your actions witness to the same selfless love that Jesus showed to every person as you live out your vocation within the family of faith.
Marriage and manhood are about mutual respect, self-sacrifice, and walking hand in hand with those we love toward eternity every single day. Talk to Jesus and ask him what he wants from you with regard to your marriage or your life of dedication to him. Let the sacraments, particularly Confession and the Eucharist, help strengthen you to love your family and your family of faith as Christ loves the Church. Dig deep into God’s word to guide you. Seek brothers who will hold you accountable for your conduct and guide you in your duties as witnesses to the Gospel to all those in our lives.
Part of the responsibility of husbands is to witness the love of Christ to the world in how we protect, serve, and support our wives. As we live out our marriage vows in fidelity, we stand together with our spouses and demonstrate the kind of sacrificial love that characterizes our Catholic faith. For those in religious and single life, the call to live pure and holy in the world as servant leaders is a vital part of our unity as members of the Body of Christ.
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Mark C. McCann is an author and Ministry Consultant with more than 30 years of writing and ministry experience. He has published articles for a number of Catholic magazines and websites including St. Anthony Messenger, Emmanuel Magazine, Liguorian Magazine, Catholic Stand, the Connecticut Catholic Men's Conference, and Homiletic and Pastoral Review. He recently published the 4-volume Catholic men's devotional, To the Ends of the Earth, as well as the 2021 Advent Daybreaks devotional and 2022 Lenten Daybreaks devotional with Liguori Publishing. He has also released his End Times novel series, Jacob's Dream: The Vision and Jacob's Dream: The Final Battle. He was a radio host and producer for 8 years at a Connecticut Christian radio station and has worked as a Catholic religion teacher/campus minister and a parish youth minister. He has also served the Norwich, CT Diocese as a Youth Ministry Director and Family Life Director. He currently lives in Connecticut with his Proverbs 31 wife, where together they have brought up three incredible children. He strives each day to live out his call to be a man of words. You can learn more about Mark and his writing at www.wordsnvisions.com.
