Joy vs.Happiness

At a weekend retreat I attended with my husband, the director of the retreat, a young priest, used the theme of joy for his conferences. He began by comparing joy to happiness, and explained that happiness is something that we experience based on conditions—I’m happy because the weather is nice (if it wasn’t, I’d be as gloomy as the weather), I’m happy because it’s my birthday (if it wasn’t, it would be just another day).

On the other hand, he explained to us, joy is a gift that needs no circumstances. It’s there all the time, part of our everyday lives. Even when we’re sad, stressed, or unhappy about something, we can still feel joy because it should be a constant in our lives.

I was confused; how could I be joyful if I was unhappy? I googled the definition of the words happiness and joy, and it appears as though they are pretty much interchangeable: happiness is defined as joy; joy as happiness. Even when Father went on to explain, during his subsequent conferences, that we need to find that constant joy in our lives. I wasn’t convinced; until it hit me.

No matter what happens in my life, there are things that give me joy, never stop giving me joy, and cannot be taken from me:

My husband and my children. That doesn’t mean I don’t get angry with them, want to choke them at times, wonder what planet they came from. But the elation I feel in just thinking their names, picturing their faces, and the sound of their voices can lift me up.

Would I feel joy if, God forbid, one of them wasn’t around? If they abandoned me in anger? If they died? I haven’t experienced any of that, so it’s hard to answer. Yet, I really believe that I would still feel that current of joy surge through me at the mention of their names. Maybe there would be sadness, too; perhaps anger. But joy is always associated with their existence first.

God’s creations in the world give me joy. I can be sad, but I still feel joy at the sight of a little squirrel resting in a tree, a beautiful sunset, and wild flowers growing in the woods. They are always there, no matter what happens in my life. God’s hand in the world is never far away, giving me joy.

My profession as a writer and graphic artist, and this is one that shouldn’t bring me joy—the rejections, the not-so-great reviews, the cool receptions from peers that I have received. But it doesn’t matter; to me it truly isn’t about acceptance...it’s about doing it. The creation of pieces that I love creates harmony within me, in the core of my being. I love to string words together and make a coherent and charismatic sentence that makes other people smile or cry, get angry, or understand something they didn’t before they read it. I did that. I created that. That’s joy.

My faith. I know it sounds cliché, but without my faith, I’d be a breakable person. Faith gets me through the dreadful times in my life, along with the best times. My faith has helped me to forgive, when I thought forgiveness was impossible—and that includes forgiving myself. Because of my faith, I am not afraid of death. Although I grieve the loss of people I love, I never mourn to the point that I can’t let go. I’m comforted in the knowledge that there’s more than this life on earth. I may be down, I may be at the end of my rope, but when I receive the Eucharist, I recover, I believe, I find peace.

Have I gotten angry with the Catholic Church at times? Yes, very mad. Have I wondered why God allows terrible things to happen; have I raged against it? Yes, numerous times. Has my faith still been joyful? It has. My faith isn’t based on circumstances. It’s rooted deeply inside me. I know it’s true, and it gives me joy no matter what.

I’m happy...I’m sad...I’m okay...I’m great...I’m down—all emotions created by circumstances. They come and go. Ah, but say my daughter’s name, say my son’s, mention my grandson, ask me about my husband...let me walk into church, receive the Eucharist, hear the Word of God...it doesn’t matter what is going on around me—rain, snow, gloom, sadness, death—I feel joy.

God’s gift of joy.

We need to find the gift of joy in our lives and embrace it, understand it, and know that it is there always.

What’s your joy?