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Three days ago, while sitting at the feet of Christ in Eucharistic Adoration, I received a text from a person who is quite close to my only living parent. This person often takes the side of that parent in the conflicts that arise between us.
For those who are unfamiliar with Eucharistic Adoration, it’s a Catholic practice where we go and sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist where Christ’s True Presence is found. Nothing is expected or asked of us there. We simply allow Him to tend our hearts and minds in quiet stillness. It’s the perfect place for finding peace in a world filled with conflict.
I do not usually have my phone out when I’m spending time with Christ, but I’d been using it to read Scripture. I am grateful, in this instance, that I received it where I did because my initial reaction to the person’s text was irritation and frustration.
The text pointed me toward an article entitled, “11 Things Adult Children Don’t Realize They Do to Make Their Parents Feel Disrespected,” written by Alexandria Blogier.
The irritation came because my parents and I agreed on New Year's to let the past remain in the past. I saw this text as evidence that, despite our agreement, my parent continued stewing over past conflicts.
My frustration came because the article’s title seemed to place the blame squarely on my shoulders for the conflicts between my parent and me, rather than acknowledging that conflict is always a two-way street.
However, I let the Holy Spirit guide me. I chose to see the article as a misguided effort by the person who sent it to me to communicate my parent’s feelings and to help me grow in empathy with my parent’s side of the conflict. This led me to promise to review the article and provide her with my feedback.
As I left the Adoration chapel, the training I’d created called “Taking the L.E.A.D. in Challenging Conversations,” came to mind. I saw this situation as a perfect opportunity to put that training to work in my own life.
I went home and read the entire article, taking careful notes of every point Ms. Blogier made. I substituted the accusatory, one-sided language for language of a more universal nature so that it did not spark the same emotional response for me. Then, I wrote an article responding to the author’s points and adding my own recommendations.
I sent the article to a friend for her to review to be sure that I didn’t add to the conflict. She wrote me back, “This is like a workshop, or a lesson. If a person truly works through what you’ve written, it’s a therapy session!”
Despite her validation of what I’d written, I didn’t post it or do anything with it. I didn’t send it back to the person who sent Ms. Blogier’s article to me. My mind remained unsettled, ruminating over the entire incident, and I found no peace with what I’d done.
It took me two days to recognize a profound truth: If there’s no peace, there’s no Holy Spirit in the process. My unsettled mind was a sign from God that I needed to seek His guidance. I was moving ahead of the Holy Spirit and operating in the flesh while writing the article.
That’s when it hit me: Taking the L.E.A.D. is a human approach. We take things to control them and to give ourselves an advantage. What was needed wasn’t control. It was surrender.
I spent the next few minutes praying that God guide me in what to say and do in regards to this conflict and the festering toxicity it created, draining energy I ought to be reserving for love. I asked for guidance in the right way to handle things so that I did not add fuel to the fire but rather extinguished the flames.
Then, I asked for help in following Christ’s L.E.A.D., by Listening to understand how He sees things, Entering into His compassion, Asking for His will in how to handle things, and then Doing whatever He tells me to do that I might truly operate in the power and wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
I surrendered my relationship to Him. I surrendered to Him all the pain, the strife, and the hard feelings between us. I surrendered to Him all the longings we both had for a closer, more intimate relationship. I surrendered all the expectations I held for the other party and all my frustrations, bringing them to the foot of Christ’s cross and asking Him to cover them in the shed blood of His mercy.
I asked Him to wash us both clean of all pride, anger, envy, or resentment that might be blinding us to the things we need to see in order to enter into the communion of love where He desires for us to be. I asked the Lord to use me as an instrument of His healing power to clean out and sow up any festering wounds, any gaping wounds of the heart, mind, body, or soul so that those things may no longer be a source of division between us.
I asked that He let my relationship with my parent no longer be a source of grief for the Holy Spirit but a source of comfort, peace, and joy. May the way we resolve conflict become an example that others can follow in their own lives and bring peace to families all over the world, both in our present age and in the age to come.
I praised God for His help in understanding my mistake. Peace came as I sought guidance in following Christ’s L.E.A.D.
Guidance I’d received long ago from Him on how to handle myself with S.A.S.S. came to mind:
S)eek the Lord’s guidance before opening my mouth
A)sk for His will in what to say or do in response to the words or actions of those around me
S)earch the Scriptures and Church teachings for confirmation of what I’ve received.
S)peak boldly and with confidence, trusting the Holy Spirit’s direction no matter the outcome
I am blessed beyond measure to have a God who so loves the three of us that He is willing to allow us to bring our conflicts, our hurts, and our struggles to Him. I thank God that He can turn everything that hurts us or causes us to struggle into lessons that lead us to everlasting life with love, hope, and joy. I thank God that these conflicts come along and provide us opportunities to grow in love and in compassion and in intimacy with Him.
I thank God for the person who alerted me to the feelings of my parent and to the way that this parent views our conflict. I thank God for my parent and that parent’s presence in my life, for that parent challenges me to grow in love. I thank God for the Eucharistic Adoration that helped me to alter how I chose to see that text in the first place. I thank God for helping me to recognize that an unsettled mind is an invitation to seek the Holy Spirit in the correct course of action.
Most of all, I thank God for the peace that comes when we choose to operate in His will and for the ability to respond to His grace. I thank God that He allows me to, day by day and little by little, become an ever more useful instrument in His hands, sowing seeds of peace wherever conflict erupts.
Award-winning international speaker and author, Brandy M. Miller is a Catholic revert. Raised in a culturally Catholic home, she left the faith at 16 in search of the truth and returned 12 years later when she found it right where she left it. Today, she is convinced that the Catholic Church is the cure to society's ills and is eager to help share the Gospel truth to those who have ears to hear it. When she isn't writing for or about the Catholic Church, she offers her writing talents to Catholics who would like help sharing their witnesses of Christ's work in their lives.
