The Charmer

For Audio version: Podcast

Today we have fresh snow! It gives the perfect ambiance to the coming Season of Christmas. Somehow it just isn’t the same when we have a blue Christmas! (Though it makes no sense to call it that since it is brown or green, not blue!) A white Christmas is just special. Especially if we have a Christmas Snow! You know the type that Frosty was made of. Why do I mention this? Because womanhood and motherhood have the same ambiance and value when lived correctly. It dresses up life and makes it pleasing and beautiful when lived to its fullest. It gives color and life to an otherwise dull existence. A companionship and friendship to take away the heaviness of the toil. This is our lesson today; on the charm of womanhood and how to bloom with this radiance. When womanhood is not lived with special care, it is just like that blue Christmas. The analogy isn’t perfect as this is not the reason for the season! The season still comes with a specialness because the focus is Christ not the feelings though those do have a place.

Our characters, for today, come from the book of Judges. It begins in chapter 13. We have another woman struggling with infertility. An angel of the Lord comes to Manoah’s wife and promises a son who will be a Nazarite. She runs to her husband with the exciting news and tells him all the details with a joy and a trust that fills Manoah with curiosity. He begs God to send the man again so that he can know “what to do with the boy.” God hears his prayer and sends his angel again to Manoah’s wife and she runs to her husband and they both go into the presence of the “holy man” as he is not sure if it is an angelic source. Manoah asks the angel, “Are you the one who appeared to my wife before?” “Yes. Let her not do as I told her before.” (That would be not to drink strong drink or shave his hair.) We learn what’s in a name as the Angel will not tell when Manoah asks. Manaoh begs to detain him and see some sign of proof and offer him the gift of a slaughtered kid to honor him when this takes place and give him a kid to eat, “Why do you ask my name, seeing it is wonderful?” and “If you detain me, I will not eat of your food; but if you make ready a burnt offering, then offer it to the Lord.” Then an amazing thing happens. The angel ascends in the flame to God and Manoah knows then what his wife said is true and begins to fear, “We will die as we have seen God.”

Manoah’s wife, with great wisdom speaks lovingly to her husband, “If the Lord had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and a cereal offering at our hands, or shown us all these things, or now announced to us such things as these.” This brings me to my first point that this wife shows so very well. Women should not correct their husbands in a quarrelsome way but approach them in humility and love, directing them to the authority in their lives for their own discovery. He should call out beauty in her and encourage by positive reinforcement. Like in Today’s readings which happen to be the same from my wedding the calling out and wooing. Proverbs says correction belongs to the man to man. Iron sharpens iron. But that is not a womanly quality. A husband should not treat her as one of his guy friends who has a say in his life. His treasury is vast (through his wife and the friends God gives for community and edification) and he truly leads the family but he must pay attention to heart. The why behind things. What should she do when her husband is clearly questioning and in the wrong? What does Manoah’s wife do? She brings him to the angel to believe and be dealt with directly by God’s authority. She doesn’t say listen to the angel! He is God’s messenger. She says in a manner that gives her husband the opportunity to question and clarify, “A man of God came to me, and his countenance was like the countenance of the angel of God, very terrible…” She sees it is not her place to speak out directly. She believes and by her belief gently speaks to him the wisdom that God has given her in a logical way by her own experience and logic and not in a demeaning way. She teaches, but she doesn’t demand. She allows God to work and to be a conduit that gently reassures and allows him to question.

Our role as a woman is to offer these questions so that he turns inward and is self reflective and can draw conclusions on his own. A lesson is better learned and assimilated this way. How should the man approach his wife? With the same gentleness and respect. Asking questions is the best way. As this leads a person and accompanies them on the journey versus forcing them and saying by their direct and sharp approach, “I know better than you!” It brings unity and companionship. It allows for the freedom of the other to express themselves. They can grow together. If we look at love, it does not keep track of it or score; it gently offers itself as a gift and a place to rest. They can then walk together. So how do you approach each other? Gently respecting the other’s story and experience and to draw out the best in the other, mercifully forgiving the faults and accepting shortcomings. This gentle love tends to heal those areas and bring them right to the source so true change can occur there. Proverbs speaks of the fruitful wife like an olive tree with her children around her. Beauty brings everyone together. It makes the man treasure and value the gifts he has. It makes him want to work to provide for his family as he is pleased with her. Proverbs 25:24 says It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife. This sums it up beautifully.

The Strength of a Lion
So let’s go back to our story. Manoah’s wife does conceive and gives birth to this son and names him Samson. (like unto the sun or sunchild is the meaning) Unfortunately, Samson hasn’t learned from his mother and father this respect and unity. And he doesn't live up to his name to be a light. He disregards God’s laws and is a womanizer. He values the looks too much. But God still uses him and his weakness for good. How do we know where Samson’s heart is? The first story of his strength. This happens on the way to obtain a beautiful woman for a wife. This woman is among the Philistines. His father questions gently, “Is there not someone among our own people?” “No! I want her. She is the most beautiful.” So they agree instead of being hard nails that sharpen iron. Proverbs speaks of not sparing the rod and it also talks of not provoking them to shame. What works for one child will not for the other.

On the way, (he goes ahead of his parents) a lion attacks him and he tears him apart with both his hands. A few days later he sees bees and honeycomb in the carcass and eats it and then gives some to his parents without telling them where it came from and they eat it. What’s the big deal with this? Why does it really matter? Three things that are directly against God’s law and covenant for the Jews. 1) Intermarriage with a gentile and 2) defiling himself with something dead so he becomes ritually unclean and 3) Not being accountable for life's blood and respecting it. He totally disregards it. He doesn’t hold it in regard, following the rituals for dead things. Intermarriage can be a good thing if BOTH hearts are united in belief but it can prove to be a problem when they don’t value the same things and are based on lust and appearance. We see this in the story of Samson.

Then Samson went down with his father and mother to Timnah, and he came to the vineyards of Timnah. And behold, a young lion roared against him; and the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon him, and he tore the lion asunder as one tears a kid; and he had nothing in his hand. But he did not tell his father or his mother what he had done. Then he went down and talked with the woman; and she pleased Samson well. And after a while he returned to take her; and he turned aside to see the carcass of the lion, and behold, there was a swarm of bees in the body of the lion, and honey. He scraped it out into his hands, and went on, eating as he went; and he came to his father and mother, and gave some to them, and they ate. But he did not tell them that he had taken the honey from the carcass of the lion. And his father went down to the woman, and Samson made a feast there; for so the young men used to do. - Judges 14:5-10

Lust of the Flesh
See how his heart is with instant gratification and listening to the wrong passions and worldly gain versus to please the Lord? But it is interesting to note how God still uses this to accomplish his will. He can bring good out of evil. Turn to verse 12. And Samson said to them, “Let me now put a riddle to you; if you can tell me what it is, within the seven days of the feast, and find it out, then I will give you thirty linen garments and thirty festal garments; but if you cannot tell me what it is, then you shall give me thirty linen garments and thirty festal garments.” And they said to him, “Put your riddle, that we may hear it.” And he said to them, out of the eater comes something to eat. Out of the strong came something to eat. On the fourth* day they said to Samson’s wife, “Entice your husband to tell us what the riddle is, lest we burn you and your father’s house with fire. Have you invited us here to impoverish us?” And Samson’s wife wept before him, and said, “You only hate me, you do not love me; you have put a riddle to my countrymen, and you have not told me what it is.” And he said to her, “Behold, I have not told my father nor my mother, and shall I tell you?” She wept before him the seven days that their feast lasted; and on the seventh day he told her, because she pressed him hard. Then she told the riddle to her countrymen. And the men of the city said to him on the seventh day before the sun went down, And the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon and killed thirty men of the town, and took their spoil and gave the festal garments to those who had told the riddle. In hot anger he went back to his father’s house. And Samson’s wife was given to his companion, who had been his best man. - Judges 14:12-20

This is the opposite of using your beauty and influence for good! Samson’s wife uses her charm to bring down her husband on threat of being burned. He goes back to his father in disgust. Yet he still wants her. His heart is given over to passion. Here is something else of note. Menoah is not hard on him and leaves him to his own devices. Young men need strong and older males in their lives to toughen and correct and direct. This is something Manoah and his wife didn’t do well. You would think they would have a little more gumption on their only treasure but they don’t. Perhaps they were too permissive because he was their only one after infertility and wanted to give him everything versus forming him in God’s ways. It’s more likely that they did in some ways but didn’t enforce it. Gentle parenting gone wrong. Think spectrum according to fault gravity and the child whether to be hard or soft. Samson knew the law but didn’t follow it. See how important it is to teach the heart? Heart lessons take time. It does take a bit of leaving our children to learn by natural consequence and a bit of permissiveness but it also takes a hardness to point out the way and give warning before leaving them to their own devices and free will.

But the Spirit of the Lord still moves upon Samson. Samson is obedient to a point about his Nazarite vow and with great strength defeats many Philistines. He wants his wife back but his father-in-law refuses entrance, saying, “I thought you truly hated her, so I gave her to your best man.” Samson decides to appear blameless in front of them and win in an indirect way, so he puts foxes tail to tail with fire and puts them into the fields. The Philistines said, “It is because of his father-in-law refusing him! We will do the same to him. And they burnt his father-in-law and wife because of their refusal. Then they raided Samson’s people. Samson is really angry and the Spirit of the Lord came over him again and just with a jawbone Samson gains recompense when  his own people tie him and give him over to the Philistines to keep from being destroyed by his own foolishness. He then lays with a harlot and soon after discovers the beautiful Delilah. You would think he would learn his lesson the first time, but no. Samson allows his heart to be taken over by lust and doesn’t completely value the voice of God. He just wants the sex and pleasure without the commitment. When we give our hearts to the lust of the flesh we grow weak. It is only a matter of time for downfall. He judged Israel for twenty years against the Philistines. He isn’t strong of heart to withstand trial and testing because he doesn’t have a strong foundation.

The Charmer
He didn’t marry Delilah. She was his concubine. So in one sense he didn’t sin the same way by intermarriage but he still gave his heart to another woman outside of God’s law without the law to strengthen their relationship. She too was sold out to the highest bidder. That is what happens in harlotry. Who is the best trophy? Who can give me the most pleasure? She pretends to value Samson. She pretends to give him her heart so that she can grow rich and get what she wants. Manipulation. Tears, nagging to do a certain thing for selfish pleasure…This is the opposite of what a woman of value must do. 

There is a certain charm in beauty and appealing to the spouse. This is a way to bring Him to the Lord. We should make ourselves beautiful but not for our own gain but the gift of the other. What gives our spouses the most pleasure? A clean room when the husband arrives home from work? A tasty meal? Makeup and perfume and sexy lingerie before intimacy? Makeup for special occasions to things we value? The Church is the same as we are trying to give our best to the Lord. Date Night… teaching…even for the ordinary day to help us improve our outlook and to give value to the ordinary. Dresses, nice hair, appearance does make a difference both to our children (teaching them to value beauty) and to ourselves. Think of what you feel in a t-shirt and sweats or jeans versus a twirly dress. There is a time and a place for that but how can I make myself beautiful to reflect my heart and direct it? Research does show that one can be objectified or influence how they and others feel by what one wears and how one carries themselves. Jeans make men look at your but and a low plunging neckline brings them to our breasts. Only one person has a right to that and that is your husband. (A single woman the Lord as his bride.) In public, one has to be careful to show this. We veil what is holy for protection and guarding out of love. Your home is a little different. There is a time and a place for everything. Are you sick? Too bad a night with the newborn? But we do have to remember proper decorum can bring us higher than base lusts/desires/difficulties even if they aren’t bad.

And the lords of the Philistines came to her and said to her, “Entice him, and see wherein his great strength lies, and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to subdue him; and we will each give you eleven hundred pieces of silver.” - Judges 16:5

Samson lies to her three times and she pretends to be on his side! “Samson, the Philistines are upon you!” And she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me wherein your great strength lies.” And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. - Judges 16:15-16

There is nothing wrong with trying to get our husbands to give their best to us by appearance. It is not wrong to ask him in an attractive way for what we want but we have to respect the freedom of the other and their story and desires. Both parties must be focused on the other or the spectrum is thrown off of balance. This is certainly the case for Samson. It wasn’t for the greater good or trust of the other it was for riches. His strength became worthless and was weak because he didn’t guard his heart and wasn’t in the habit of denying himself. Delilah was his downfall. How could a gentile, a harlot at heart, bring him to God and trust and commitment and gaurdianship? Finally, Samson learns from his mistake by CONSEQUENCE. He got what was coming. He was overpowered. And that will happen sooner or later. We have the responsibility of mercy but there is always justice. Samson becomes a blind slave given to hard toil and has for the first time, silence and reflection and difficulty to form himself and become worth his salt. What’s the result? He becomes a true man and recognizes his strength is from the Lord and for the Lord. Not for himself. He then can take an honorable stance before the Lord and offer himself as a sacrifice in reparation. And this is exactly what he does. He gives himself TOTALLY to God and defeats the Philistines even more than when he had first taken offense from them. Scripture says his hair grew back. That means his vow came back and he realized it and lived it.

In humility he says, “Remember me. I beg you, strengthen me. Only this once, O God, that I may be avenged upon the Philistines for one of my two eyes.” Interesting. Humility before authority. “Let me die with the Philistines.” He became willing for sacrifice. And that is exactly what happens during a false worship session to Daigon, the Philistine’s god where over 3,000 persons were making sport against God’s anointed. There were thousands there not giving God glory. Samson wants to bring God’s vengeance to this ugliness and their using him for sport. Honor is valiant. Living for a higher purpose is valiant and Samson learns this through the hard knocks of life and for the first time offers himself as a gift with all his manly influence and strength. Not just with a little bit but with everything! See how a strong will can be directed to the Lord? See how it can be sanctified? Don’t give in to the desires of the flesh. Don’t allow over permissiveness but joy and abandon for the right reasons. Growth in virtue is accessible even to the strongest willed child. Consistency and building up the bank of value and by our example can it strengthen our children for when a correction is given. Bask in them. Be devoted. Look to the gain of the other and we will find ourselves fulfilled and content and peaceful. We will know our boundaries.

Resources:
Messy Parenting Podcast

Amen App Today’s readings of my wedding and attractive beckoning and building upon the other. The calling forth

Catholic 365 Jacinta Wick

Thank you for joining me in this time! Know I am praying for you and holding you in a special way in these special days! You can always reach out to me for prayer and how God has touched you at www.twoheartstruehealing.com or personally at twoheartstruehealing@outlook.com . Until next time, Merry Christmas and may the Christ Child and the Holy Family Bless you abundantly.