Holiday Merriment for Senior Adults

What do ”The Holidays” mean to senior adults?
For most, it means happiness, joy, as we celebrate the birth of Our Savior.
Yet, for some, it is sadness, loneliness, depression.
Why this disparity? What can we do?

Let us look at what the holidays are:
November ushers in a season of readiness.
First, Thanksgiving Day. On the Friday after Thanksgiving, we hit the malls, which have become a mecca for bargains. It is almost a sacred day. Shopping starts. Music starts. There may be a snowfall or two. We shop, shop, and shop until we either drop or have spent all our money.
At home, we begin writing Christmas cards, then decorate the house—garlands, mistletoe. Next is the tree with the angel on top. We place the
Crib with the Baby Jesus in the Manger under the tree. There are parties to attend, meetings at church. We buy new clothes, gifts for the kids, grandchildren. Absolute happiness.  Wonderful.

Still, for some senior adults, there is no joy. There is no gaiety. There is sadness, loneliness and depression. It is silent suffering because they complain not. The atmosphere is that of unhappiness, darkness. Unfortunately it is prominent in senior adults. Some say, ” I can’t wait until it’s over,” referring to ”The Holidays.” There is insurmountable sorrow . Why? Let’s look at some contributing factors.

First, the Senior may have physical limitations: auditory, visual, or mobility. They may not hear, see or walk as well. They have lost the spring in their gait. There may be a history of a fall in the past and they prefer to remain home rather than risk another injury.

Second, the Senior may be grieving. And they do have reason for their grieving. They have lost loved ones, perhaps a spouse. They are grieving alone, which compounds the grief.  It is best to grieve with someone, a family member or friend. People want to help. Ministries are available dedicated to grief support, especially church-oriented groups.

And finally, social isolation can be a contributing factor. This applies to Seniors who live alone at home or in a facility with little or no interaction with others except for basic necessities. When people are alone, they tend to STAY alone. Loneliness develops followed by depression. This is especially prominent during holidays.

However, it is not the holidays itself that provoke feeling of depression, but rather it is the fact that the ‘Holidays” bring back memories of happiness in the past. i.e. when there was more togetherness, sharing love in the living room, exchanging gifts with siblings, parents and loving it when Grandma and Grandpa came in. Now families may be spread apart. Family members may be absent. Some have passed away. Classmates are no longer there. Or the Senior adult can’t travel to them because of physical incapacitation. Perhaps the Senior resides in a nursing home and is immobile.  Hence, it is a LONGING FOR PAST HAPPINESS. There is a tendency to dwell on the past which is not healthy. Why? Because it robs us of the present and future joys. Too much dwelling leads to issues of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. This is not conducive to good health..

But— we don’t want to forget these beautiful moments, these memories. The goal then is to think about the past with comfort, poise, thanks and joy and to remember and feel the love of the past. These memories are to be cherished, not swept under the rug . Bring the past happiness to the present. How can we do this?

By REMINISCING. What is reminiscing? A means of bringing the past happy times to the present. "Reminiscing for senior adults" refers to the act of (older) people reflecting on and sharing memories from their past, often through conversations, looking at old photos, listening to music from their era, or engaging with objects that trigger specific recollections, which can be a beneficial activity for mental stimulation and well-being.  Then, how do we reminisce? The recommendations are to use home videos of past happy Christmases. If not available photo album, then photos on your phone. It creates a sense of continuity.  But not alone.  Reminisce with someone.  It is very important to share these memories with another.

Now let us return to the issue for senior adults: How to make your holiday a merry one: We will focus on Chores, Introspection, and Rationalization. We will start with CHORES, ..holiday chores. That means get to work. Get off couch. Shut the TV. Enough of the football games. Start by sending Christmas cards via US mail or email. Plan a dinner for the holidays. Cookies are always a welcome treat. Bake or buy some to have available for visitors. Look for holiday parties to attend. Invite someone to dinner. Have fun.

The second suggestion is INTROSPECTION. Look at yourself with admiration. Review all you have done. You are knowledgeable, experienced, forthright, honest, witty, and yes, stubborn, also, at least from a humorous point of view. You have lived a full life with many notable accomplishments. Appreciate yourself. It’s tough being a senior adult in our culture. If you are a musician, share your music with others. Come forth with your talents. Sing for others. Play the piano or the guitar for your family and friends. Realize that senior adults are at the most important time of life. This must be emphasized. Too often, it is obscured or underestimated. Older living needs greater visibility. Reading a magazine for older people once a month is not enough.

The third suggestion is RATIONALIZATION. This is the most difficult to implement.  Rationalize yourself out of loneliness and feeling sorry for yourselves. Life is not the same every day. No two days are the same. Tuesdays are not the same as Sundays. No two months are the same. February is not the same as July. Nor are the years the same. 2010 was not the same as 2021. Therefore don’t expect to see the same events year after year at Christmas. On the contrary, anticipate changes.

Of course, some patients cannot respond to these suggestions. They need extra help, medical help, counseling. This can be arranged with your doctor. Ask for help. That’s what we are here for.

Two additional points to bring home:
One: Try not to be alone. Engage in these activities with another person or persons. The Lord sent the apostles out in two’s. He did not want them to travel alone. Nor does He want us to traverse the earth alone.
Two: Help others. All throughout the Bible, Jesus says, help others, help others, and help others!

Remember, we can’t help everyone but everyone can help someone!