Discovering Prayer: Crown of Roses

For last few years, I have been on a silent lone journey with my God. I was never drawn to recital prayers like rosary. I was never really drawn to Mother Mary. I was pretty much into personal prayer of praise and worship.

In recent times though, I sensed God is drawing me to open a new chapter on prayer and community. Usually when God draws me into something, I try to find ways to do it without exactly questioning it. I don’t try to understand the purpose, but I tune myself to be open to the experience with due diligence. My sudden movement towards prayer and community is probably for reasons that I am going through extremely tough moments in my personal life which requires me to scale myself to a new level of love, generousity and humbleness. To get to these new heights requires immense transformation within myself. As such I am an extremely private person who prefers to be in lone harmony with my God. I am often separated from the stuff happening in the world and live in a ‘separated’ kind of state, being one with him.

But the last year, I have seen major transformation. I have started attending mass daily which involves the elements of prayer and community. The next thing that I have started is praying the rosary daily. I have never read up on rosary. So I began the journey to learn about it through experience. It's like an experience of not knowing what it is like to climb a new mountain. People who do not climb mountains, sometimes say negative things to me like “What do you achieve climbing a mountain?” “Why do you risk your life climbing a mountain?” Yes, before I start on a walk towards a mountain, even I do not know, what I am in for. In the same way, after months and years of longing to say the rosary, I got back to saying the rosary daily. I started climbing a new mountain.

The reason for my longing was probably because when I was small, my mom would get her kids together to say the rosary daily. I really miss those moments, as I reached a point where I got married, but never was able to get my own family together to pray. More importantly, I lost touch and I lost that awesomeness of saying a rosary for more than 25 years.

I feel all alone in life. I love the silence, but I do have to fight the loneliness. It was terrible. The Mass was the first thing that started enabling me with the joy of meeting Christ and his Church. The next thing was rosary. In my quiet room, I would light the candles. I would offer the live elements of fire, the live elements of light to our awesome God. As I recited the Bible readings associated with every mystery, it was an experience which I had never experienced before. I felt I was taken back in time when the mystery happened. I felt as if I was there. The whole thing felt overwhelming with this journey of mine, along with Mother Mary, through the mysteries in the Rosary.

When I experienced this the first time, I was not sure what happened. But it was similar to moving towards climbing the mountain. It is as if on my way to the mountain, I had suddenly seen a flowing river, that reverberated with an unheard song, a new song. Yes, moving into a zone of praying a rosary and experiencing something this awesome, was like discovering a beautiful river as I climbed the mountain. I suddenly don’t understand why some people are negative about mountains. Suddenly I realize that people who do not say rosary, are the people who have never experienced the mysteries. I was one of them.

The whole plan, the whole journey of Jesus is so beautifully captured in the rosary. The whole purpose of Jesus is lived through the mysteries. Our path to the Lord of “now and forever” is slated in the mysteries.

Apart from the mysteries that we recite in the rosary, the prayer for my soul, St. Bernard’s prayer, the Hail Holy Queen, the Litany of Our Lady was a beautiful communication of engaging with Mother Mary to plead for me.

The second part of pleading to Mother Mary was like discovering a tree with a fruit, which when eaten would help me heal. I have been wanting to get close to Mother Mary, but just that the idea could not sink in well for many years. But when I took the blind curious step towards Mother Mary, I started experiencing healing changes to my mind. I could feel her every time I prayed the ‘Litany of Our Lady’. I have not gone very far in my experience, but my mind has lightened up a lot. I suddenly felt I was carrying a very big burden and Mother Mary is taking it off my head by intervening for me. She was helping me get up, helping me walk towards Jesus through powers vested in her by Jesus.

Yes! Jesus said those great words to each one of us .. “Behold, your Mother”. With it we had our Mother. With it, I had my mother. I had a mother I never knew well. But now I feel her close to me. When my weaknesses and prayers lacked the effectiveness to fight my demons, Mother Mary came to my assistance. The demons in my thoughts and in my mind run away when I pray the rosary. My mind feels healed with a rosary. I get a good sleep like never before. I sense Mother Mary is praying for me, and her prayers seem extremely powerful. When the battle of mind, crops up every now and then, I sense Mother Mary around the corner. When I realized this power, I wanted to hold on to Mother Mary and keep her around all the time. I wanted to love her, thank her for completing me. I wanted to thank her and ask her to help me to walk on a bridge to heaven. I wanted to thank her for helping me be closer to Jesus, her son.

I started requesting Mother Mary to lead me to Jesus, to be part of my lonely life, to be there when I die. Mother Mary has become an integral part of my journey towards Christ. For some reason, I do not sense her the same way as I sense Jesus. But I feel she is going beyond expectation to reach out to me, to help me reach out to Jesus. I know I cannot explain this well. But your journey with Mother Mary is yours. It is your undiscovered mountain. You climb it if you wish. But it's a mountain of healing, miracles and powers where Jesus is the Summit. Mother Mary awaits at the base camp to assist each and every one of us in reaching the summit.

Yes, Jesus is central to me. However, If I can receive assistance from my brothers and sisters on earth, would it not make sense for me to take all the assistance I can receive from my Mother in Heaven?

Since I have come close to Mother Mary, I have seen changes in my life. I feel less lonely. I feel she is around all the time, to hear me out if I need help with anything. Yes, I still fight the demons, but it has gotten much easier. I feel a new level of confidence and joy. I feel it will all work out. If Jesus is the doctor, then Mary is like a nurse. But this nurse is too awesome. She is too good to be true. A person who goes beyond. I do not know why she does it. But she does. I am able to connect with her very closely, very easily for some reason. Things become easier for me, once I start connecting with her.

My journey towards Christ has only become richer, stronger, and more beautiful. The power of prayer of the rosary helps me get back into a deeper level of silence, where I am one with God.

The powers of heaven and hell, the powers of good and evil are in a great battle. Mary can pray for us. Mary can help us. Mary loves us. The role of Mary started when she was born and her role seems to continue for eternity. How awesome it is for Mary, who is faithful to God till the end. I wonder if I can ever emulate her as much. With her support, I can walk many more miles. I can reach the summit to Jesus.

Here is a video on the origin of rosary