Turning People Away While Trying to Get Them Involved

One day after Mass, I was approached by a woman recruiting parishioners for an upcoming retreat program. When I started to ask her some questions, her response was, “I need to get to work.” This response made me sad. I was happy she was trying to be a dynamic Catholic through her involvement with this retreat, but I was sad because she was not willing to answer my questions. I was sad that her response was, “I need to get to work,” and not, “I really want to understand your thoughts and answer your questions.”

The response I received from this woman is typical of many people’s responses. Leaders in every parish want us to play an integral role in parish life and activities. However, when we respond with questions or just want to talk, they are not always willing to take the time to understand where we stand on our own faith journey.

I could have left the parish and not returned because of her lack of insight. In similar scenarios, there are people who don’t take the time to explain their ministry or program when you’re willing to join. There are people who blow you off because there are things that seem more important than having a conversation with you. This is one of the reasons why people leave the Church—they feel judged when someone doesn’t give them their time.

Currently, I’m figuring out where my own faith fits into the big picture, and it was sad for me that this woman at Mass did not see the whole picture of me trying to help her recruit for the retreat. She did not notice that her own selfishness was turning people off from joining the retreat, either. Yet, many Catholics do what she did. They put their own needs before those of others. They ask people to help or join a particular parish program and then give them no idea what to expect. Often, people get to a meeting and find something totally different than what they expected. Then, people will leave their church because they feel the parish made poor choices. The cycle continues.

After my interaction with the woman at Mass, I decided to continue doing my own thing. I will continue to go to Mass early. I will continue to church hop and spend a few hours in church each day. People won’t ruin the experience for me. However, a lot of people would have been turned off by the encounter I had, and this is part of the reason why young adults leave the Church. An older person approaches us about a program, gives no information, and tells us to pray about the situation. If you are going to approach us, have the time to speak to us. Make it so we feel like you want us to be part of the community. We need to have the personal invitation to come to parish activities. We need to feel like we belong, not like you are blowing us off.

We are going to be the future of our parishes, so give us an opportunity to make us feel like our questions are valued. By allowing us to feel like we are not wasting your time, we have the opportunity to make your parish great, too.