The Day Of Judgment

The Day of Judgment is a mystery to me. I understand what sheep and goats are (Matthew 25:31-46.) I'm afraid to write about this because it's scary and I'm telling something about myself. Going to hell would be awful, not just because it's awful, but because I wouldn't be with God and my brothers and sisters. Eternal life is what I desire with all my heart and spirit. While in prayer or contemplation God is very close.

Yet while going about the ordinary day to day things I wonder, at the last minute will I be like Lot's wife? Will I harden my heart and be stubborn? Am I trying to save the world and yet could lose my life? Will my words condemn me? Will I have any rewards left in Heaven? Will I be in a state of grace?

I have joy in my heart and know that God’s ‘got this.’ However, when the devil attacks I feel so grouchy I want to slam dishes. Everybody has a Holy Guardian Angel and mine puts up with tough talk. Tough talk comes pretty easily in the Chicagoland area. My tough talk start several years ago in thoughts when I felt pushed to the limit and broken, then they manifested. I started to notice swearing around me more than before. At first I wished the swear words were used accurately as intended to describe and not hurt. This may have helped a little, but mostly it caused me to think about them more.

I think of Mother Mary wanting the Rosary because of such horrible words, so I pray while frustrated. The more praying I do, the more the devil attacks, it seems.

In addition to Mass, joining in the Divine Office at home is a blessing. It makes prayer life more cohesive. Occasionally, I attend Vespers, chanting with the Monks, or do the Morning Office with my Church. A good balance for me, I found, is once daily, instead of praying all the hours, add a cup of coffee, a Benedictine Rule reading, some Lectio Divina and some form of corporal and/or spiritual mercy.

At a retreat, a Priest recommended reading out loud the angry Psalms, and God won't leave it there. I've tried this and now would recommend it (it sounded too strange at first.)

I miss what seemed to be the ‘no cuss words zone’ so much. If you don't cuss, don't begin, because it hurts like mourning, not just because you feel as though you lost something, but for fear someone else might lose something because of it. If you’re thinking of cursing because you heard someone else do it, don't. God is everywhere. St. Michael the Archangel didn't curse Satan, he said that the Lord will correct him. We'll be judged on how we care for others as unto Christ.